The flowers drew the crowd of people to the front of the church where my grandma’s essence lingered.
The colors shone on the walls from the glass windows that were made to catch the eye in a matter of thought and prayer.
I was getting painfully warm from the silence,
but the intense flashbacks made me shiver from the recurring thoughts of my grandma’s demise,
since they were filled with empty memories that just kept becoming more painful.
It was as if god mocked every moment that she lived,
knowing she had been painfully holding onto her life for me.
Still, I stood there head down,
tears in my eyes and a longing for her love in my heart.
My head was cloudy and I was a distorted mess,
Tears clung to the ends of my eyelashes and I didn't want to say a word,
because there were no words to illuminate who she was,
Especially not my grandma; she was brave, strong, and independent,
Love only knows how badly I wanted to hold her hand again,
She had a delicate hand with a cold hard grip,
that made me feel safe and self- determined,
She made me feel important,
As I stood on the podium I felt weak,
Deep down inside I had a longing for the same love to be refilled in my heart,
so I pulled myself up courageously with a great amount of effort,
so that I could catch the podium with my sweaty palms,
I Desperately held onto the worn down wood that was being harshly grasped by my faithful persistence.
My wait was long enough,
and I had to speak so that I could consume the air around me,
that was captured in the fine handiwork of the smooth wood walls.
As I glanced up, I looked directly into the eyes of so many people,
that stared at me with lifeless glares,
that made me tense up to avoid the need to speak.
I rotated my head to the right and found my mom who was situated in the far corner of the room,
staring hard into my face,
She gazed at me at me through her deep sea green eyes that exploded like a tamed tiger, but I still knew she was afraid,
I could tell there were words forming in her mouth,
that were probably going to tell me to hurry,
So just as soon as I gathered enough air,
I began to speak.
I spoke from my heart and I spoke the truth.
I told all those people that had once held my hand and told me that it was all going to be okay.
I told them what I had really felt when they expressed these amounts of affection.
“Losing someone” I announced to the crowd,”
is like something I have never experienced.
You never get over their death and you just keep telling yourself it is all a dream.
It’s almost like watching a hot air balloon in the distance;
it’s beautiful to look at and you think it’s going to stay there forever,
but when you turn back around it’s gone.
My grandma loved an adventure and she loved to travel.
But even more she loved my brother and I.
My grandma would always tell me “Laugh and the world laughs with you weep and you weep alone.”
This saying has proved some important things in my life;
to laugh, to love, and to be strong.”
Then I stood there and waited, but not for the clapping.
I was looking for my grandma, but I knew she was only going to appear in the memories I had.
There is no person in my eyes, that could create a memory with words,
except for my grandma.
She could convince me of happiness even if it was scarce.
She convinced me that any life can last an eternity.
But in that way, she meant that living an eternity has to do with what you leave behind,
so that we are known by our memories,
and how we changed the world.
My grandma taught me that nobody's life has to end,
if we can create a legacy and live on.