A palpable panic erupts as the gravity of my solitude becomes apparent
A state so unsettling as it rarely finds you
The buzzing and the ringing and the alarms that forever follow
Rarely fade and allow you to be alone
Blunt and primitive realities set in
And panic is replaced by an edifying sense of truly existing

As he goes to the washroom I sit and stare at my palms
I don’t know what to do
I almost pull out my phone to distract me from myself
Stop
I enjoy the silence
I allow the clinking of glass and chatter of folk to calm my restless heart
Something irritating
A laugh
Exploits of the night prior
My temperature rises  
I try and drown out the boisterous banter with my thoughts
How can people speak of such trivial things
Why am I plagued with pondering the contradictory nature of everything?
My mind
Wandering to those thoughts I suppressed long ago
Marinating in dreams unfulfilled and forgotten
He returns
I sigh and smile
I wish I could have thought a little longer
He talks
I laugh  
My desperate soul carries on