Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Jun 2018 · 918
Tell me
anilkumar parat Jun 2018
Tell me what it is like
to quit your house in silence
to wander invisibly
among friends and dear ones.
do you hear that silent welled up tear?
do you smell that hurt in me?
it seems like yesterday that we joked and laughed
at silly little things
loud and ribald
now that laughter seems raucous
and empty and cruel,
as if echoing from some bottomless cavern
something hurts deep within
as you return again and again;
your impish eyes and naughty grin
taunt and haunt...
How is it that even a happy memory is painful?
Maybe now you know
Maybe now you can tell me everything i want to know.
Farewell, my friend.
Even if you didn't feel it necessary to say so.
Jun 2018 · 620
Coffee gone cold
anilkumar parat Jun 2018
I have so many things to tell you
In a thousand silent words
When I finally meet you
And the coffee in its cup goes cold...

Even if I only just stroked
Your fragile delicate hand
I'd be holding you entirely
In a tight unending hug.

Oh would I gaze into your liquid eyes
Trying, in vain, to fathom them!
Would I breathe deep enough
Of your aromatic breath
And listen to those curls
Hum a happy song as they
Caress, coyly, your dimpled face!

I ask myself again and again
If we ever have met.
And I'm sure we have
Time and again
Not merely sipped from
Many a cup of coffee gone cold
But from Life itself.
Across so many light years.
Across galaxies and millennia.
And we had gone our separate ways
Until, at this very moment.
When we forget the coffee
In its cup gone cold.
Jul 2015 · 626
TALK TO ME
anilkumar parat Jul 2015
Talk to me, my love!
say something, anything!
The silence that enshrouds me
is an icky sticky thing.
It's woven its silken strands
tighter and tighter around me.
And inside this cocoon,
I struggle and wiggle,
wanting to hear your voice.
I hum your favourite songs
but can you hear them?
Every breath is a sigh,
every moment a longing...
My ears perk up at every muffled noise--
is that your voice?
Hurry, my love,
say something, anything!
For it wont be long
before the silken strands break
and my soul flutters far
to destinations unknown...
Jan 2015 · 734
windy morning
anilkumar parat Jan 2015
I glide past your window,
looking in.
I caress your clothes
hung out to dry.
I tickle your curls
as you walk past.
I mop up all your bouquet.
I embrace you in the early morning cold,
giving you goosebumps.
I enter you through your pores
into your very being.
Now I am you...
Jul 2013 · 948
the cat's reality
anilkumar parat Jul 2013
My cat, one day,
Discovered the mirror.
He jumped onto a table
And looked into it, sideways
And saw another reality
And was fascinated
And enchanted
And he just wouldn't let go
And again and again
Went after it.
The other cat was enchanted too
And he kept pawing at my cat
And meowing a similar meow
And he wouldn't let go either.
Though I tried telling him
That it was futile,
That his reality was different.
But my cat seemed not to agree.
Did he see something that I didn't?
He pawed at it every day
And kept pawing and meowing
Until, one day, he made it there.
Or so it seems.
For he's not here now
And neither is my dad
Nor my grandma, my little sister
And so many others
And many things, besides.
And little wisps of memories even.
They all seem to have succeeded
Like my cat.
Apr 2012 · 1.5k
elegy to my hawai chappal
anilkumar parat Apr 2012
fare thee well
oh my good ol' hawai chappal!
thy sole is free now
to roam worlds unknown
unfettered at last from feet
and straps and strings unseen...
don't let your gait slacken
in fear of some fearsome vulcan
do'nt baulk at the spectre
of, in his cauldron, giving up your sulphur
for you may yet be reborn
in an avatar as yet unknown.
a glove, a doll or an eraser
a ******, a cap or something baser.
for you, i shed a silent tear
so loyally did you serve me, my dear!
Jan 2011 · 1.8k
wet night
anilkumar parat Jan 2011
sinister,dark,
looming, brooding horizon.

angry ghouls growl,
flailing their arms,
hissing,
spitting venom

icy breath
frosts my window

miserable mongrels
howl a dirge,
mourning souls long-departed.

an unseen hand clicks
a silent flash.
eternity poses,
but for a moment.
Sep 2010 · 1.1k
waking up
anilkumar parat Sep 2010
in strange lands,
an ****** dream.
like snakes embracing,
a thigh on thigh.
light,steady,warm,
breath on my chest.
here comes a warplane
making a low dive.
a sting
on exposed skin.
sudden,rude,persistent,
air-raid alarm.
oh! it's already six a.m.!
Mar 2010 · 3.7k
camera
anilkumar parat Mar 2010
hold still, my love!
let me freeze in time
that elusive essence
of all that you are!

let me pan from head to toe
all those fleeting memories
that envelope you like a halo!
--that heady mix of honey and cinnamon
as you say into the phone “hello!”
--that dainty dimple
and the happy curl of your ruby lips.

is it my breath that sways
those curls framing your cheeks?

for years have we shared,
for ages have we walked
the long road together,
stopping, but for mere moments,
to fight our little fights
and talk our little talks,
to press our hands together
and smile
at things small and beautiful,
at some rare memory.

hold still, don’t breathe!
don’t sway
those delicious mountains and valleys
where often our rivulets
joined in a torrent of frenzy!

where in the labyrinth
of time and space
did we first meet?
do you remember?

you are my memory
and I am yours.
but memories are ephemeral
and fleeting and deceptive.

so let me freeze them in time
before you and I
fade away.

click!
Mar 2010 · 974
the recipe
anilkumar parat Mar 2010
Wash your hands.
Pick a couple of situations.
Peel away old memories.
Cut in half; what, no seeds?
Then cut first this way
And then that.
Don’t cry, my love, its just
Some bad chemistry!
Take some hot, acrid thoughts.
Core them; throw the seeds away.
Chop chop and chop.
Take a few sprigs of happiness
Finely slice them, diagonally.
In the hot wok of life,
Toss in a smile, couple of fights,
Some heartburn, some sweat,
Stir fry.
Come, my love, let’s eat!
Mar 2010 · 916
the emergency room
anilkumar parat Mar 2010
mute, dumb, the fan whirrs
sweeping first left, then right,
all around the waiting room,
seeing all, doing nothing,
from its perch on the wall.

chairs, mostly full
with faces furrowed deep
by worry, sorrow, fear.
in one, yesterday’s newspaper,
half- unread, like yesterday’s bride.

just beyond, the triage--
with the presiding nurse
in pristine white, oozing
professional empathy
and tight-fitting oomph.

anxious eyes peering
through the slit curtain
into the emergency room…
was that my dad crying in pain
or the guy with the broken leg?

inside that curtained cubicle
men in masks
squeezing life out
like one does a near-empty
tube of toothpaste.

silent, violent, sobs
from the son and daughter.
was that their uncle
who lends them his shoulder?
maybe, just maybe, the doc was wrong?

from that perch up on the wall,
the fan keeps whirring,
seeing all, doing nothing
sweeping first left, then right
is that fan god?
Mar 2010 · 2.3k
sisyphus
anilkumar parat Mar 2010
it’s morning
groggy-eyed, zombie-like,
stubbled, disheveled,
he rises.

Outside is the gleam of dew,
the scent of fresh bloom,
the chatter of birds and squirrels.
Not for him, though,
the brilliant hues of early dawn,
the bustle and cheer of the day just born.

Tarry he cant, mustn’t
shouldn’t, oughtn’t
for he has work to do.

And so he scurries about,
not much unlike a rat-at-night.
scratching the stubble out,
shocking the slumber out,
with a splash of rusty water
and scented alcohol

glassy-eyed on the clammy-cold seat,
with the daily in hand,
he lets in garbage as he lets it out.
(let’s see: “six killed, talks fail,
girl *****, man robbed,
chain snatched, stocks down, jobs lost…)

but no, tarry he cant, mustn’t,
shouldn’t, oughtn’t.
for he has work to do.

Not for him
to reminisce and wonder
at bright-eyed kids straining at their yokes
to remember that kind teacher
who patted his cheek
and held him to her smock
smelling strangely of
freshly ironed starch.

Nor must he think
of  progress cards and golden stars
and hobbies learnt at leisure,
of cycling in the rain,
and endless hours spent
under the mango trees
waiting for heaven’s manna,
of books devoured, adventures vicariously lived
in strange English lands
where they breakfasted on
bread and poached eggs and bacon.

Nay, tarry he cant, mustnt,
shouldn’t, oughtn’t..
for hasn’t he got work to do?

‘ Tis his lot to weave
his own web of chaos
as the road turns a
tangled mess of trails
darting here and braking there
in feverish, frenetic fits
of stopping and going
and spewing
clouds of carbon and venom
and especial epithets

no, no, tarry he cant, mustn’t,
shouldn’t, oughtn’t,
for he has work to do.

So what if he didn’t see
--just ahead of him on the bike,
the baby’s pink,delicate,
fingers as she clutched
her mamma tight?
--the shriveled, outstretched,
hand that cried for a morsel of mercy
since even the cataracted eye
was drained of hope?
--the strange aromas of
fresh coffee, incense, cigarettes
and some open sewer?
--the signals that said “relax,
you’ve 68,67,66” seconds to go?

Not for him to tarry—he cant,
he mustn’t, shouldn’t, oughtn’t, god forbid!
He has work to do!

Quotations to send
calls to attend, meetings to sit in,
sipping soulless coffee,
nitpicking.
accounts to tally,
targets to meet;
better still, exceed,
‘in’ trays to empty,
‘out’ trays to fill,
reports to make,
power points to present,
all before lunch
and, strangely, until after
until, outside the prison,
life has , once again, ebbed away.
one more sun has died,
or so cries the muezzin,
some distant bells pealing
in doleful agreement.
oh where has the day gone?

Stray thoughts appear
like lights switched on-
thoughts of children, wife,
neighbour
thoughts that convince
that here, indeed, is a person
with kith and kin and others to love.
But no, they must perish—the thoughts—
he must instead focus on the task at hand.

of  first weaving through
the now dark chaos
of blinding headlights
and urgent horns, darting bikes,
neon fireflies
and reaching ‘home’ where
the ***** is busy cooking
and the cubs scampering…
“hi dad ”says the kid
as he mindlessly waves
his soul numbed by
the monotony of the day just gone
and the tv that’s ever on—
and already on the report for the morrow

can he afford to tarry awhile?
to hug, hold, talk?
to share with him
a childhood anecdote?
horrors! he cant, he mustn’t,
absolutely shouldn’t oughtn’t!
for he has work to do!

And so the bedroom light’s on
until long after she’s embraced
by slumber, deep slumber—
her eyes closed
in childlike innocence.
can he watch the slow rhythm of her *****?
the languid curves?
the cozy bed
with its promise of warmth?
on the screen , scowling,
is the clutter of data
that must be processed
into bite-sized bits of
decipherable hieroglyphics—
now, not later!

Its so dark, so  still,
even the stray dog has stopped
howling its pitiful howl
one more cigarette
burnt at the altar of work
one more hour burnt at the stake
he simply cant tarry,
mustn’t, shouldn’t, oughtn’t…
he has work to do.

It’s morning.
Mar 2010 · 1.0k
when i'm gone...
anilkumar parat Mar 2010
dont hate me when i'm gone
when this body has returned
to being radicals and molecules with a life their own.
when it no longer breathes,
the hairy chest heaving no more
from sighs born of sorrow and longing.
when all life has ebbed away,
when all that remains of me are memories--
mundane and poignant...

dont hold on to me
hoping for a resurrection
for i'd truly be gone
and along with me, almost all that
identified me as me...
my smile,my countenance,my words,my voice
even my warmth,my breath,my complexion,my odour.


for me, you could pen an epitaph most prosaic;
"here lies a man who was born, lived and died"
nothing more,nothing less.
yet, if you searched long enough
it is just possible that
you would find something to add--
a little pointless anecdote
or an insignificant memory
that punctuated life...

i did sin, like every man before me
and laugh like most of them
and despair and scorn and spurn
even cheat and despise and lie
but to my credit should it be said
that i did love...

but now, all of that seem pointless
for it's not merely my body that
you now consign to the holy fire.
isnt it with great relish
that these hot tongues slurp up
all of my hopes, my anguishes
and my  most secret desires?

dont, please dont hate me when i'm gone.
Mar 2010 · 851
the prisoner
anilkumar parat Mar 2010
inside this swirling amniotic fluid
i bob around
like words in a pool of thought
waiting for the moment of release.

outside is tumult
and the chaotic murmur of
muffled voices--some loving,
others harsh and threatening.

fostered by this lifeline
and fettered by it,
i feel cocooned here
and in equal measure, smothered.

i kick around in glee and anger,
not quite sure what is what
but as each moment passes,
my restlessness grows with me.

nurturing me with selfless love,
protecting me from the unknown,
is this nourishing womb of attachment,
this prison of my dreams...

what lies out there i know not
nor even what destiny has decreed
but what i do know for certain
is that i want to break free!
AUTHOR'S NOTE:this poem was originally titled 'the foetus', and it met with general approval from several readers. my attempt was, however not to portray a foetus, but an individual who wants to run away from it all...my feeling is that the original title was misleading. i feel the title "the prisoner" is a better one. what is your opinion?

— The End —