I do not consider myself a ***** in the biblical sense as I can count the suitors that have shared my bed on one hand.
For it is my soul that is the harlot.
Allowing anyone to use it as they wish if only for just a night taking prices as they go.
Hoping one day someone will leave something in return.
Surly the fear of loneliness can't be so strong that I believe this is a better way to live then facing the world on my own.
Then saving the precious piece of me that is my soul for the one that truly deserves it.
Or is it the fact that I believe that I am not worthy of that person, that if such a person were to come along will I be ready to accept them as such?
These questions have no answer.
So for now here I sit here hoping that if the day comes there will be something left to offer...

The thought of your touch brings me goosebumps.

Adrenaline rush filled of hate and longing.

If only hate could win for once; but longing taunts so much.

So for tonight I will crawl into your bed.

So for tonight I will hate myself again.

Embracing you're touch one more time.

Wishing if only I could walk into the fog and disappear with the sun rise.

Your messages are so intertwining
Like an intricate web of confusion
Lips say one thing
Body another

My mind trying to figure which is the lie
For now it's both

She wears makeup for fear that the scares on the inside will soon be seen from the outside.

The scares from the wounds caused by the words and actions of people she thought cared for her but instead just took another stab at her.

Plunging the knife so deep inside that she started to not even feel the pain anymore.
Started to wonder if there was anyone even inside anymore, or if she was just a shell of a person sent here to be used and tossed aside.

She started believing this,
For believing it was better in her eyes then facing the truth that this world is filled with people who have lost the kindness and compassion she knows we are all born with.
That kindness and compassion that is stolen away by this harsh world.

She lives everyday facing the reality that this is her life, accepting it as home.