If I’m being honest; I say that a lot. Maybe it’s because I can’t tell the real from the not. I can’t tell the difference between my thoughts and yours, but if I’m being honest; I’ve said that before.

I’ve said it all though; I’ve said hello and goodbye. I’ve seen good angels fall from the sky, I’ve seen a grown man threaten to die on a whim, from years of neglect because he said; nobody loved him.

I’ve seen a good friend, stay just to go. He turned to say “Sorry” met with “I know.” And with a sad joyous sigh, he walked out the door, saying goodbye; but I’ve heard that before.

I’ve heard all the sayings, the
“I love you’s”, “I do’s”,
followed by years of domestic disputes. I’ve heard that I’m nothing, I’ve felt like I’m less, and I’m sure that sometimes, I seem like a mess.

But I’ve seen from this life, all that there is. A small kind of greyscale, of hate and of bliss. I’ve seen of this place, all that I can, And if I’m being honest; I’ll see it again.

But before I do that I have to sort out, exactly the facts, from maybe the doubt, and stop saying the words like I’m afraid to be hurt. but if I’m being honest; I’m afraid it won’t work.

I’m afraid I’ll be stuck just trapped in my head, reluctantly writing the things that I’ve said. Talking of angels, of love, and of hate, I’m afraid I’ll be saying the same old cliches. And if I’m being honest; I think it’s too late.

If I’m being honest, I say that a lot. And if I’m being honest I don’t know how to say I love you because maybe it isn’t true anymore, maybe it never was. And on some level we both knew that, but I was still willing to try. I was still willing to give my heart away and shouldn’t that count for something more than a welcome mat? That overused tired old analogy everyone loves to say. Used every day by millions of people, isn’t that fitting? I show care for you, you spurn me and yet I still hold out hope. It isn’t fair you know? I’m so attached to this thing called a heart that if I don’t start listening to it I fall apart, but it’s you that made it this way, or me, I don’t know. If I’m being honest I can’t say I love you, but I can say I hate to.

To be honest, I thought I knew your story.
I thought I knew your struggles to a degree that’s hard to explain. The pain of knowing the world is not all it’s cracked up to be, I thought we were the same..but when I see you, when I finally take the time to step outside my head and away from thinking, I get the chance to see who you really are and I am stunned. There, in that moment the only thing that matters is you, and the truth as you know it, defined by your smile shines true in the end, every time I think I know you, you go and smile. So please, stay and talk awhile, I want to get to know you.

From the stars above she plays her games,
On withering wings with a plastic smile.
She speaks of love like a gentle rose,
Finding purchase in any other name.

Why is it then that I give her chase,
This slithering snake in a garden of roses?
She offers poison in a land untouched,
And still I follow in loving state.

Like the vibrant sun she offers light,
With reckless radiance she speaks the truth.
She is the one to play at peace,
In what was already paradise.

If death should come for me, I'll ask to dance in trade. For my soul is untouchable, and this I shall declare as every brave hearted fool before me has done. We will twist and tango until death knows what it means to breathe life into old bones again, and mine shall wither away. there we shall stand, on reversed ends, and death shall beg to stay. But the reapers call is endless, and must be fulfilled. So without second thought, and a grin ear to ear, I shall carry out the reaping, which the fates seemed to will. And thus, death shall know loss, he never did before.

To chase the lonely blues away,
I write this now to yesterday,
And say to them; all those I miss,
I'm sorry it has come to this.
Now down this longing list I go,
Filled to the brim with woeful prose,
A lovely way here to express,
What it's like; this loneliness.
Now I'm awake at 1 AM,
Wishing I could speak to them,
To cast away the silent spell,
Known as sleep; to make me well.
To see them all now up and rise,
And hear the call of daybreak cries,
A Rooster-bird or some-such pet,
I'd jump for joy as sadness left.
For now's the time where memories reign,
And every one does have a name,
To call to me and mark their time,
Stealing peace then from the mind.
Yet if I could just speak to them,
The loving souls of kith and kin,
I'd know right then without a doubt,
I'd found a cure for lonely bouts.

For thee I utter those three words,
Declared then to be true,
Never was there a star-crossed pair,
To rival the sun and moon.

Not like you and I you see,
As the heavens declared our fate,
To shine like beacons brilliantly,
And rival golden gates.

To light the world eagerly,
With a pair of broken smiles,
Carried still so gracefully,
Through life and all it's trials.

For we were blessed to find a match,
And spark the flames of love,
It seems that we were made made from scratch,
As a star-crossed pair above.