my mom dragged me to church one morning after you had left
i knew something was wrong when i didn't burst into flames in the parking lot
i sat there listening to sinners preach
i sat there watching murders cry,
while the sinners patted their ****** backs
acting surprised when their hands were covered in red,
like they didn't know what they were getting themselves into
and my mom scolded me when i rolled my eyes,
at the people who raised their hands to the celling
i just thought it was funny,
that's all,
i just thought they knew
that nobody is going to save you

i find myself wondering to your grave
and i think to myself how 16 year olds shouldn't be dead
i sit there and wait for you to meet me even though you are already there
and i take a swig of *****
and that doesn't help
so i smoke four bowls of marijuana
and that doesn't help
so i get in my car with an empty bottle and half a gram
and i find myself going 100 in a 55
and i press down harder as if the ground might shake
and i turn my lights off in the moonlight
and i take my hands off the sterling wheel
and i wake up in my bed
and i remember you're not dead
but that you killed me
and i am

i sit here and i remember how i used to see your eyes as universes and i didn't think the world was small until then
i remember how you asked me not to hurt you and i sit here very confused on how my heart is laying on the ground when you were the one that was worried
i was shaking when you told me to put my mouth on that pipe and then you called me high when i told you i was a bird
they say "put on a seatbelt" is the same as "i love you" but all you ever told me was how to put it on
they say fourteen people die a year from night terrors but why are my fears you suffocating me
when the whole town burst into flames at 11:10 why did i wish for you to love me at 11:11

something about how you wrapped your hands around my neck and i begged for less air,
something about how you punched me because i always hoped i wouldn't be pale,
people shouldn't have the power to break someone else in half but when you had it you broke me in an instant,

we spend all our time chasing colors
we are born seeing the sun
so we want yellow
then we are introduced to green
and we roll in the grass
then comes pink
because it's what everybody else wants
then we see green again
and then we meet blue,
sweet deep light blue
with blonde hair and ocean sky eyes
and it is all good until we see orange for the first time
so we leave blue
we run to orange only to find that it is really red
we like red
red leads to purple and black
and we assume this is bad,
we are hurrying to find blue again
but we run into brown and maroon
we search the whole ******* world only to find that
there was only one blue
and its gone