Maybe I shouldn't write..
Maybe I should just cry over you secretly.
Maybe I should let you go.
What am I doing now?
Showing you how weak I am?
Why am I such a fool?
You will never come back.
Why am I so sensitive?
You will never care as much as I do.
Why do i LOVE you?????
Why?...

How will I sleep today when my heart is broken into pieces?
How will I close my eyes not knowing how will I survive days without you?
Once my mother told me, the more you try, the more you regret.
Will I regret trying?
Will I regret writing this for you?
Will you cry while reading this?
Will you come back?

As much as I want answers.
I am afraid to know any.
I am just lost.

I only have one last chance, and I agree to fight more than that for you.
Even if you insult me on purpose, I am still waiting. And even if you decide to leave and never come back. I will love you from a distance. I accept to do the least of what I can do for you.
Remember when you let me experience what I am experiencing now, maybe 2 years ago. I never lost hope and now although the damage is more than before, I am never losing hope.

I couldn't hold myself..
I cried in front of my mother like a little kid over a very silly thing.
It's not the silly thing that made me cry at 4:16 am. It's you..
I tend to keep all my emotions inside and hide it away from people until I break down over something that is not even worth it.
I try not to show how weak I am because of you. I try to pretend I am happy and fine. I try to be calm or sometimes even angry. But until now, I didn't find a way to not break down over you.
Sometimes I just watch an episode, a movie, some khaleeji series that I started watching because of your obsession over them and a scene of lovers walking side by side shows up on the screen. From inside I cry a bit, I remember when I used to hold your hand so tight.. so tight to the point the I feel the warmth of it.. I remember how I used to be so close to you.. The feeling of being safe in the arms of someone I truly and with all my heart (love). And as I do, I find myself tearing up as if I am crying on the scene, secretly I cry over you babe.. I cry over the time that I cannot bring back..

I miss you.

I know you probably won't read this or find out that it's me. Here I'm gonna pour out everything, every feeling I have for you and maybe one day you realize that I am worth it.
I know I shouldn't forgive you..
I know I shouldn't care anymore,
but unfortunately I do.
It's hard to figure out why do I still hold on.. Why can't I hate you or why do I forgive you for every ****** thing you have done to me..
Is it because I love you so much and my heart refuses to hate you?.. or Is it because I just can't live without you being around.?
Forgiving you is so easy to me
I cannot see the bad in you.
Never.
You're my angel.. you're something that is always right. At least that's what I see.
Every time I try to hate you,
I say "oh she did this"
and "oh she did that"
then i remember
"many ppl have done them, its ok, i love her, i should forgive her, she's my one & only how can I not forgive her, it's normal, every single person on earth can hurt their other half right?"
I swear I convince myself that you are a creature that has no sin.
If you noticed I always say "I love you" and never "I lov(ed) you" because I cannot fool myself.
The person I knew 7 years ago is living in me, in my heart, my head, my body and in my life everywhere I go. It is you who I cannot replace and cannot leave.