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Jun 2013 · 1.8k
A Stalking Scent.
A wandering woman passed me today
And she was wearing your perfume,
Memories flooded my mind
Like a broken decrepit levee.
My emotion was withering away,
And I remembered our lit room,
The laughing and laying without time,
And then my heart grew heavy.
-
Blackened and purged,
You left traceless and a ghost,
A spectre that forsakes the shadows,
I see you when I needn't most.
Your darkened trails
That linger in the frigid mist
Remain spectral and withered,
Waning like the wind, so brisk.
The scent followed me home,
And here I now can't stay,
For pride and self loathing
Have caused all this decay.
I must bring about a solution
For this to be forgotten,
I must hope to breathe a new perfume,
And for happy life to be lost in.
I once caught a gaze that you deemed to spare me,
Your eyes were Andromeda, your hands adored me,
I believe you fell for my sardonic wit and charm,
And knowing my heart would do you no harm.
I was lead to your chamber and then,
It was as if I'd entered Heaven.
-
I smelled the rain from outside your window,
The petrichor and your graceful perfume,
Drunk with lust I stepped forward,
Hoping you were ready to be adored.
You stopped me and sat me down
On a cushion, then kissed my crown,
Then you backpaced with a viscious smile,
And danced for me and all the while,
I couldn't resist you, I didn't try,
If I layed you down, I wouldnt let you just lie.
-
Twisting to your intoxicating tune,
I couldn't but stare and watch you move,
Piece by piece, you shed your coverings,
And second by second, plucked at my heartstrings.
You stalked forward, my heartrythm cracked,
Sitting in my lap now, hands on my back,
It was so vivid, so real, so adorabley twisted,
The creatures in us, to feel, to visit.
-
Your scented bodice enticed me still,
Your lips were parted, nostrils flared as well,
Your eyebrows were arched and quite intrigued,
Your eyes showed me everything you wanted to see.
Avast, alas, a glimpse of the past
You move my hands to your chest and as
I grasp gently your hands go down,
They reach for what you need endowed,
Your fingers then trace the ink marks on my chest,
And then lay on my left side to feel beating breast,
Eyes, they're alive, they cast aside,
You then embark upon a wild ride,
My shirt you lift, my belt undone,
You bite my neck for the sake of fun,
I caress your ribs, your perfect skin,
I am the epitome of sin.
-
You turn around and tease me now,
Back arched and leaned against my chest, and how
You move so delicately and with all vehemence,
I want to know your passionate violence.
-
"To bed then my dear",
I hear you say,
"My darling, it would then make my day",
Your hand on my chest, mine around your neck,
You mount atop and in all bedecked,
In sulfurous longing, and hiding a biting lip,
You take me for a sensuous trip.
Arise, dear goddess, I know not this love,
It's new to me and all above,
Every ****** a moan,
And silence from  I,
I try so hard to please,
I love your breath and rolling eyes.
Faster rotations and deeper depths,
And then you seek to give punishment,
To a crawl you stop, slow and so shallow,
You are the siren that shall be hallowed,
Intensity and pleasurable frustrations,
But with a coy smile you spare me lustful aggrevations,
You return so slowly to increased mach,
In ecstasy, my thoughts all to you flock,
Nothing appeals like the words you speak,
Amidst a room so vastly bleak,
In my ear you gently ******,
The thoughts become real with no protest,
My, oh my, the night goes by,
And time lost is gained with you and I,
Never and forever hold no ground here,
I make you quake, I want to hear,
Hear the longings within yourself,
As I unleash all of your hells,
Faster and harder it comes to fruition,
Taking eachother until submission.
May 2013 · 759
Overture Of Torment.
Sing now, for years I've given
To a prophetless religion
Of "loss" of "love" and sickening
Wretched abuse of misery.
-
God of the heartache,
Won't you hear my overture?
Torment has become my heart,
Existence be my pain!
Create a wandering wonder,
Of sounds and intricacies,
Turned to ignorant folly,
All logic holds dismembered seas.
Creature inside me,
Won't you rip out my heartsrings?
Boil them in bilgewater,
And finally free me?
To a world so defiled,
Won't we pray for another plague?
Irradicate the "innocent"
And self-hallowed in their name.
Longing and lost entrails,
Of a muddied buried tribe,
The body seeks its insides,
The backbone it can't find.
Fretfull and apparent
That love lost is better found,
Then dragging forth in sulfurous folly,
And losing touch with all sound.
Run, Charlatan, Run,
Your mistakes will claim your fret,
In the ending, fun at last,
I'll massacre you yet.
Overture of Torment,
The only thing I hear,
All Is Lost In Our Sad Lives,
I Will Feed On Their Veril Fear.
May 2013 · 861
Always.
My strength has gone,
My soul has perished,
I lost my home,
The Light was vanquished.
Dystrophic sounds,
The brutal cacophony
Of silence and longing,
It's a bludgeoned symphany.
-
Caressing the cheek,
Fingers through her hair,
Smiling subtlely,
Then I awake without air.
The wind eats at each bone
The rain chills them still,
And what good is this home
Without her will?
The imagination runs wild
With dreams of perfection,
The qualities of flaws,
The insurrection.
Grieving turmoil and, alas, it has,
Been determined to happen as fast,
It creeps along its vertices,
Stoking fire of improbability,
Fending for myself, alone,
It seems to me I must here drone,
Wasting away every single chance,
To break free of a pallid trance,
I've always escaped my heart of thoughts,
I've always ended what all have brought,
I've always ended what songs she sings,
I've always brought about suffering,
I've always snuffed my last candle-light
I've always gripped the ledge too tight,
I've always choked the life from myself,
I've always drowned my sorrows in Hell,
I've always heard of my downfall,
I've always scorned the love in all,
I've always been plagued with bitter hate,
Although,
I'll always hate love, and love it still,
I'll always wish for someone until...
I'll always lust for something great
I'll always rush for my own fate,
I'll always need the hand to hold,
Whatever in my life may happen in the cold.
May 2013 · 920
A Matter Of Flaw.
I choke on words that matter the most,
For fear of their losing meaning.
I stumble over actions I should have carried out
And then deny my original feeling.
I carry along with me a heart of hatred
So evil, so destitute.
It makes me only dream more of solace,
Of two souls imbued.
When "she" and "her" become "mine",
I will only sing songs to her,
Dedicated in rhyme and loss,
My eyes, an aquifer.
-
The lonliness is a waning prison,
The despair is a refilling chalice,
I drink from it repeatedly,
And force it down with violent malice.
I bring it upon myself,
Because I cannot see within,
I am never more than what I expect,
Where could I ever begin?
-
I ask for an angel next to me
At night to keep me still,
One for me to hold, cherishing
Her docile lull until
She yet awakens each morning
And drowns me in goddess-like trance,
One cannot make decisions
Until one has his own stance.
I know not where I am going,
Nor what I will find along
The lonesome road I walk each night,
A road where I'd rather not be alone.
A hand to hold, a strength to give,
I want and need to feel,
But inside it burns, it hurts even,
Hatred is all that is real.
So my angel, be you out there,
Waiting so patiently,
If I'm allowed to yet meet you,
Let us meet then, presently,
Stop me before the abyss is my soul
And I'll try and sew on the wings I ripped off
My back, while you walk among my thoughts,
I will dream of you and I, while my nightmares wonder,
And think of all the words I should've said and fought.
May 2013 · 386
Remember.
Songs of the lost few
Who now wither away here,
Tell tales of old loss.
May 2013 · 837
To Wish.
To wish, to wish,
To dream a dream,
To writhe in nightmares of the obscene,
To ask, to know, to whisper, to scream,
The Waters of Regret, with tears, it teems.
The Night has vanquished the Softening Light,
The mind and heart, as one, in flight,
They try to spread their wings but unfold
Blackened remains of dreams so bold.
Skeletal and frail, they represent
The nothingness, the loss and lament,
They creak as they move in their fragility,
They yearn to wander eternally,
It happens that I do, indeed, readily
disagree fullheartedly,
With Love and its "virility".
Happiness is a virtue, a privilege,
Not a tome, a text, or pledge,
It holds steady in the worst of winds,
A Northern ship in the tides and spins,
The pitch and yaw of each barrage,
Makes one wish for camouflage,
From life, from loss, from all heartache,
All who I know regret me, their mistake.
Be at peace, I'm at peace,
It's the rest I need,
I try and remember when you were happy
May 2013 · 933
The Crash.
Hurled, entwined, the eyes go black,

Steel sarcophagus, demons stare back,

A glimpse so foul, of the abyss,

My life, it ends, possibility is missed,

The blood, gooey warm, and slick,

Lubrication of foulest finery and sick,

Glass shattering in mindless trance,

Thrown in the air to land on our back,

Twisted, cruelly formed, we look in oblivion,

Nothing sacred, it fits my life's ruin,

"Take me now Azrael, for I fear you not,"

Death will allow me to find peace and rot,

Worried, fearful, the gore too much,

Too little for my hands to touch,

Scalp displayed, upon landing safe,

I cry out, calming and wait,

The blood drips down upon my hand,

The pale skin turns sanguine, I find it hard to stand,

Entombed in metal, a twisted turn of fate,

She leaps to thought, I caress her cheek,

"Safe, be still, I'm here" I repeat.

I relocate my shoulder, a sickening pop

stomach turning pain, the faint I stop.

I wrench the door, and run around,

I rip hers open and rip casing to the ground,

Too shocked to cry, I gaze upon the wound,

I assess it as severe, although life is imbued,

_

CALL FOR HELP

I scream like the Devil.

My wrath for nothing but fear of loss

Drives my fury for her safety lost,

I hold a bandage to her head, and wait the eternal wait,

Speaking comforting lies, hoping they were true, and damning my own fate,

I hold her close and kiss her cheek,

I wipe the blood from my lips and realize I am weak.

"God, I'd give my life for her to heal"

Maybe it's a nightmare, this cannot be real.

-

In safety's arms, I still cry out,

I'M FINE, SEE TO HER, in doubt,

I leave my bed to wander the halls,

Searching for my name be called,

To be exhaled through the lips of a love,

To find my heart flutter, the wings of a dove,

The sight of her stabbed my eyes,

"Something so precious...", myself I despised.

I fought my way to her, and was almost placed in arrest,

I returned calm, I'm no help in duress,

I stand by her side and kiss her hand,

As my heart died, she smiled, I could stand.
for those of you who don’t know, i was in a really bad car accident a while ago with a now ex-girlfriend. we were both hurt, but her much more than me. i couldn’t believe what i was seeing or that it even happened and had no idea what to do. it still kind of haunts me and this is the only way i know how to cope. we are both ok and very lucky. though we aren’t together anymore, i wish her the best and i hope she is doing alright. Although i don’t have any feelings towards “us”, (and i started writing this about a week after the accident and was just now able to finish it because every time i tried to write it i started getting anxiety attacks) i thank God everyday that we walked out of the car. finishing this poem almost made me cry, and i, from the bottom of my ****** up heart, don’t want to offend anyone with this piece. thank you for reading.
May 2013 · 2.2k
The Crossroad.
Upon a path of trepidation
Walked I along with hesitation
I trudged forth in contemplation,
Remarking on my indignation.
I felt as though the road would end,
Each step came forth again and again.
To pass the time, I counted sins,
Not religious exactly, just decision’s wind,
I thought of my own life, and how much change
Had plagued my mind and my own cage,
The prison in my head that I live through,
Even though there’s worse that I could do,
I closed that link before I could
Think of things I knew I should,
I “forgot” them throughout the years,
To push away all of my own fears,
With that then settled
The road I reveled.
I noticed the dust on this forgotten trail,
Each step disheveled the dirt so stale,
I noticed I hadn’t been the only one
To walk this trail and be undone,
But I was however the first in a while,
The steps i left behind me were straight and filed.
-
Withered whispering romance had wilted away
A faceless me, within I decayed,
The road was vast and all omniscient,
The weather indeed was quite consistent,
Muggy, dreary, a hint of mist,
Melancholy so, that I wished to be ******,
I would have loved to be drunk again
As I had been so before like many men,
To take upon this journey but straight,
Would have felt like bringing train and freight,
It is important to realize
That I was alone and not in guise,
For to find myself, I was myself,
There was only I to seek for help.
-
about three days had passed along,
Wondering if I was even strong
Enough to find the cross in road
To decide which way that I should go,
When in sudden surprise there came,
The cross in road appeared to exclaim,
I could go straight, left or right,
As one would think it might,
But each direction had their own feel,
So much so, I thought it may not be real,
I gazed at each about an hour,
And witnessed their foretelling in my head as they showered.
-
The road ahead was static and unchanging
I found myself to be salivating,
Nervous, the feeling crept on through me,
The sensation of the same emotions, unruling.
I thought of the looming possibility,
That to change anything was not in my ability,
That I would be forced by past to walk this path,
Straight on and forward in a droning, mindless trance.
This startled me and I quickly thought
That I had best my chance be wrought,
Left or right, like straight, I felt both,
Like a voice somewhere inside bequothe,
“Lest ye not choose wrong dear boy,
Or you, I fear, will die empty in ploy.”
Chanting choruses of Gregorian nature
Repeated that stanza in mocking stature,
The repetition to the point of depravity,
I digressed, I became my insanity.
May 2013 · 1.5k
The Wood.
Alas, awakened to the glorious smell
Of grieving petrichor and lichen
Intoxicating scents of spells,
Has left my thoughts forsaken.
Aggrieved, unclean,
I wash myself in the river,
Alone again, once with my mind,
The cold water does bring a quiver.
Rushing gently across its bend,
Its current does drag along
A heartache inside a massive depth,
A misery that floods it anon.
It seeks to help wash stains of past,
Blood from mistakes without thought,
Caressing my hands as I dip them in,
It cleans at the souls I’ve wrought.
I’ve brought spite to all I’ve been,
I bathe in hatred and stigmata,
Correctional growth of paradigmatic folly,
Proves equality to tumultuous fodder.
-
There has been death here,
Drowning and sickness,
Villainous nature subjugated
To corruption and bleakness.
Disparaging remarks whispered of men,
Bring to light lost life and love,
Discouraging thoughts of mine herein,
Anticlimactic and soulless above.
The trees began to whisper,
Moving slightly in the breeze,
I thought I would move quicker,
But something that couldn’t trapped me.
-
Bringing about a fallout cloud
That kept my mind thus smoked,
It is hard to cherish anything
That the water itself could soak.
-
I wanted to leave,
But I was locked in the wood,
I began to need it,
Like any Stockholm would
The treasure trove in which I was kept,
Was something of a fairy-tale
It hid monsters, death,
And only one nightingale.
Its swansong allowed me to sleep,
Gorgeous at night, it cast in weep,
A story of one so scared, The fear of bleeding out
One day upon the growing creep.
Vines and lies surrounded me,
Its whole existence was false,
Nothing could be this natural,
And the dead forest scoffed.
-
Could there be someone else here?
Doubtful, I began my search,
Through vasts I spied, time again,
But nothing upon this earth.
The forest fell in love with my heart,
Its emotions curious to her,
She tortured me with affection,
My reality was blurred.
I found my way across her floor,
Trekking miles to a never-end.,
Purgatory does not know this pain,
Hopeless abandon, fell unto myself to fend.
A trip, a fall, unique and random,
I impaled myself with a sharp cry,
A sharp palisade jutting out, I then whispered
“What if I don’t want to die?”
Apr 2013 · 2.0k
Aggression.
Tell me that I am wrong:
Lie and say the pain will go away
And that the depression will subside,
And further, that there is belief behind my cries,
That my aggression might one day not be my life,
In a world so ridiculously fake,
That I must lie in bed at night awake.
-
Love Does Not Exist.
It is only disgusting lust that does persist.
Romantic Wishes And Dreams Are All Dead.
Rotting in the abyss, shot in head,
Put to pasture and lead astray,
Suffocated with barbwire, its heart decayed.
-
Intimacy With Your "Other Half" Is False.
But we persist and try to find anyone with a pulse.
You Will Never Find Your Revolting "Soul Mate",
A false concept made by those scared of their own fate.
-
You Will Die Alone And Scared.
We search and find anyone and are content,
To live with each other in misery until it ends,
Then remember why we "loved" them to begin,
And cry ourselves to sleep again and again,
Until across there runs another coquette,
And the tears evaporate, so **** it,
We are such God ****** hypocrites,
We say we know "love", I'm Sick Of It.
We forget as soon as we lay
With another the next day,
The person left before,
Nameless and no more adored,
We Need A Plague, An Extermination,
Of This Sickness, My Generation.
Awakened and running from the tomb,
I held what was dear, intellect and groom,
The grooming of intelligence and common sense,
At one point I thought there was no difference,
How could all of humanity be this insane?
I try to help, I’m no hero, in vain.
-
Running wild, I found the path
The winds and turns, cornering so fast,
I got lost within its woods,
Until I stopped, lost, and stood
Aside a trunk so broken and old,
I caught my breathe before a cold,
The breeze picked up and kissed my cheek,
I pulled my collar and felt so meek,
At some point, I started to endure
The path again, walking once more,
I thought of everything today had brought,
The lesson, the woman, the thoughts they wrought,
I thought of old times and hating things then,
Not knowing in time I’d hate like a man,
Pre-determined, with knowledge and ability,
To make the judgment with further virality,
In contempt I held all that I’d known,
A willing sacrifice upon a stone,
I walked with venom until it struck,
A visage so wrathful, it had me stuck.
-
Speechless, I paused and looked,
I stood there agape and almost mistook,
It for a leviathan, it was that grand,
A massive tree that surely there stands,
It must have been a thousand years old,
Seeing true tales of stories unfold,
Its grandeur surpassed all before
I’d seen or heard of in stories of yore,
Its beauty was a roaring wave,
Its white, dead bark and leafless branches depraved.
-
The dead, white Sycamore stared at me,
A bench underneath it beckoning,
When I sat, I knew nothing but dark tranquility,
I felt my blessed suffering,
I’d only ever known what agony,
Had life ever had in store for me,
But sitting under this guardian,
I could have slept soundly and quite solemn,
The chill in its bark warmed me inside,
I shared something with something in mind,
Its arms lingered over me and forewarned all out,
That I was not to be touched throughout,
My journey here, or ever again
Would the dead infest in me herein.
Standing sacred amongst the dead,
A mausoleum built, protected,
It watched and witnessed the years as they passed,
It remained silent against life so vast,
A vigil reminder that the dead can be kings,
The wealth of many don’t think of such things,
Remembered in death as they were in life,
This fixture wept beyond their mortal sight.
Of broken hearts and dreamy fog,
The Mausoleum held inside, a bog.
-
I witnessed it upon the path I walked,
The dead-end, so to speak, it frightfully stalked,
It almost glowed a neutral grey sheen,
Aghast, I looked past with thoughts of being,
I emptied a heartache upon a pillar,
It reached to me and my hand now withered,
It called my name once in the silence,
The voice so hollow, in hallowed solace.
While this garden with dead did proliferate,
I opened what was once the tomb’s inner gate,
I stepped inside not knowing what came
Next for me in life’s theatrical game,
Surprised to see it held a catacomb,
I walked its halls in vain, entombed,
Cephalic attacks of thoughts herein,
Requested presence of answers therein,
Creatures and demons alarming inside,
We take the most identifying and hide,
We look to find we are the same,
In life, in presence, in thought, in vain.
-
I saw the bodies that rested yet here,
They seemed so at peace to sleep for years,
One cadaver at the end of a hall,
Seemed to beckon to me and warned of fall,
The steps leading down, treacherous at best,
I looked at it more as if it were test,
Test of strength, a test of will,
But my insanity would not keep me still,
Hidden between his skeletal palms,
Was a page ripped out of Bible, the psalms,
His favourite, I imagined, but it shook my spine,
Because he appeared so clandestine,
So surreptitious, the look upon his face,
He hid no remorse for passed mistakes
His teeth decayed like his mind did in life,
His bones festered and caused him great strife,
Were it not for the pedestal that held him up,
I wouldn’t have seen aside him a cup,
A cup full of sanguineous red,
The shuffles on the floor from where others fled,
I took his cup and drank from it well,
The taste of old blood, congealed, from Hell.
I then could not have had foretell,
That this would put me in a dreamlike cell,
I stumbled on the floor and rocked,
My thoughts of reality were then so blocked,
I couldn’t hold concept of anything,
I fell asleep and awoke in a dream.
-
The Nightmares, transgressions of the dead that lay
In this catacomb, suffered a fray,
A war between families large and askew,
The swords of fathers to sons imbued,
They bred them with hate and raised them with blood,
They fought their battles as sons best could,
One of them had their internals leave
Their stomach, and organs were bereaved,
Because of a ”friend” that with a knife,
Decided against his opposing strife,
He feigned a hug and with his fist,
Wrenched his weapon and did persist,
To tear his friend apart, depraved,
He cut out his heart and his father gave,
His son his burial rites,
The other family far from contrite,
Desecrated this mausoleum,
The battlefield turned to Coliseum,
The young fighting old and not knowing why,
The women and girls lost much and cried,
Their men would not have any of their words,
Ironic to not hear pleading songs of birds,
The families lost while being forewarned,
Both now lie entombed, both thought of as scourge,
The mischievous gaze the skeleton gave,
I now understood, I thought I was insane,
Even in Hell, he battles them still,
I learned not to let idiotic persistence cloud my will.
Bounds and bounds of names of the forgotten,
I wandered through the dredges of solemn
Wastes that had entangled my thoughts,
The antagonistic braves of loss,
The ones who’ve left ones petrified,
The ones who’ve died, left crying alive,
I have also forgotten each name,
The false memory of these people, all the same,
Dead is dead, this flair for the living,
This selfishness bears no arrogance deceiving,
I am one who welcomes death,
This fortitude alarming to some who step,
Along the edge of insanity,
I am the abyss, the abyss is me.
So strong I was, walking head high,
Disregarding tokens left behind,
Until a sight then stopped me cold,
A sullen grave but marked ”Unknown.”
-
I couldn’t move,
I was frozen in place,
I was then proved,
My heart, indeed, was laced.
Not even I, who so asked for sleep,
Could even stop tear
From escaping me,
I couldn’t stop but wont to weep.
-
Aside from the sorrow ”Unknown” had caused,
What’s worse is that he had someone,
Here I was, alone and hateful,
Someone remembered, and was grateful,
For the stone had upon it but five little roses,
Alive and well, not dead like the others,
Some person some where had remembered ”Unknown”
So that not even ”he” was left alone.
-
Destroying everything I have believed,
Spiteful, hateful, and aggrieved,
I stepped back and cursed him in jealousy,
Fell back, I tripped, shocked, and conceived,
That perhaps I was thinking like a child,
Everyone deserves there life so mild,
Who was I to curse anyone?
All in all, I wanted everything undone.
-
The real beauty in this situation,
Is that no one earns stagnation,
No one knew him when he was buried,
But someone now shows care and hurried,
To his site to show their love,
I just hope he’s diseased, but Above.
Meandering down the trail of old brick,
Saw I a siren of death and sick,
Her skin so pale, it looked diseased,
All was nothing compared to her beauty,
She lay across a hill on a blanket,
Her raven hair at each of her flanks and,
She had open a tome of what appeared to be names,
Also undressed, I looked away ashamed,
She wore only a set of bedroom garments
And eye coverings, all black adornments,
Scars radiated through all of her features,
And sat beside her were to handsome creatures,
Pups of age and loyalty,
To Her, I guessed, they owed fealty,
Ferocious beasts they, they peered at me,
I was but calm, unfaltering,
Twas only then did she spare me a gaze,
She smiled then also, and beckoned me stay,
For whatever reason, I felt necessary,
To comply to each whim, each want and need,
She rested on her stomach across a grave,
One that jutted out among the staves,
One leg kicked up, the other lay,
She appeared so peaceful, given the day,
I bowed my head, keeping eyes for respect,
She acknowledged without any contempt,
I stepped forth and approached Her, not to intrude,
I walked presently so as not to be rude,
I arrived and lingered until she spoke,
“My darling, you and I have prods to poke,”
She said ”I’ve watched you since you arrived,
And long before, I must contrive,
I’ve fancied you for quite some time,
So in this yard compose me a line,
I’ve planned to see you here through,
And to make sure your mind yet is unglued,
You see, I’ve all right to be intrigued,
Your mortal love does yet suit me,
You’ll learn to love me as you do my father,
Of Him you know, you’ve loved much longer,
Of Him you have written countless rhyme,
And now, in love, I’ll have your time,
Then be off, for we can’t be,
So sad, truly, we are misery,
Alas, I will hear you now,
Speak your rotting words of love, perhaps a vow.”
Shocked, I stumbled in my mind,
Speechless, I groped for a rhyme,
To compose for a lady that asked me such,
Much less, for one with love’s interest,
I searched across the vast of land,
For the most somber sorrowful strand,
“Sweet dying flower, December’s tears,
Grant me a visage of festering years,
My decaying heart rots at the loss,
Knowing the pair of us are lost,
If this be the only sight of you,
Granted my eyes this one time through,
Every night hereafter I will weep and weep,
Until I may see eternal sleep,
Your endless eyes, and body fine,
Would I reminisce of touch, and taste wine,
Until I may lay in bed with you in,
To wait forever sounds like death and ruin.”
I whispered my last line and there she quaked,
“Oh,” she said ”how my heart does ache.”
We looked at each other and then i knew,
Who her father was, and then Her too,
She was the keeper of the dead and dying,
Of which my heart knows not of crying,
Fancied with me as I was with her,
Her father, Death, my greatest Sir,
One day, I thought, I’ll make her mine,
The three of us then, will rule darkness entwined.
-
Like she said, I then had to leave her,
At least until i died and could see her,
She bade me well with a full lipped kiss,
Her touch of lip so cold, and bliss…
Upon the path I again stray,
Enjoying my otherwise darkened day.
Set forth, I endlessly walked about
In search of salvation for my doubt,
I heard not once the birds in chirp,
Nor did I hear a prayer usurped,
I struggled to find a cause for all,
I found clarity in a sunken wall,
It was aside the path entangled,
So close to the edge, it nearly strangled
The sunken road upon which it lay,
But kept along those lead astray.
-
My footsteps seemed to echo on
The mass of bricks they stomped upon,
Once, I’m sure, a gorgeous red,
The bricks were grey now, neutral and dead,
Favouritism struck some paths here and there,
Popular people, families, and fare,
Though some stood alone, the weeds grown around,
Forgotten names and unsodden ground,
They hadn’t lost yet their sense of foreboding,
The lone standing pillars of remembrance, eroding.
“Food for worms…” I muttered and quoted,
Alas, the meaning, I couldn’t have doted,
For ”seizing the day” had it not meant to me,
But rather a gloomy sense of mortality,
I felt as though nothing ever mattered,
The human existence, dark and clattered
About the same misery,
We all must live, but we’ll never be free.
-
Searching out the scenery,
I, lost in thought, was scant to see,
How beautiful the day then was,
Broken down and all because
The sun didn’t seek the pavement’s shine,
The wind slightly whispered through the vine,
The grass, most dead, gently bobbed,
The light, the corrosive clouds did rob,
And it struck me in sections as to how it is,
To seek, to find, to know what love is.
-
Admiring this path, its twists and turns,
I rather likened it to Life unnerved,
It seemed as though all ends to life,
Congregated amongst all terms of strife,
Like all waterways unto the ocean,
They all met here in tumultuous commotion,
Lessons and morals could always be learned,
But this experience was what I yearned.
A vile serrated day that suffered
The wind and the air to be stifled,
Spread sick among the ashes of burning,
And held silence upon the screams of yearning,
Yelped frigid chorus of agonistic moans,
In pain and torment, of rotting bones.
-
I walked along a path paved of marble brick,
My temperment unnerving, my gait was thick,
The path aforementioned halted upon a gate,
There opened, I saw, where the dead gestate,
Leading down a snake-bodied trail,
Tried as I did to turn back, I failed,
I saw no reason to leave the place,
The corpse garden, it seemed, held great solace.
-
Trudging down in acute contempt,
I struggled to see all but lament,
Comforted, dare I might say,
With being surrounded by extent of decay,
I flowed forth as if some purpose,
Guided me to them, the reason unsurfaced,
At where I found them sitting aside,
The trail of things in past belied,
Quiet, and leading to the body swamp,
With scars detailing drunk mourners’ clomps,
Chipped and chiseled, repaired and mended,
The Stairs awaited me and repented.
-
The first step sat on the top of the hill,
Where the path veered, silent and still,
A narrow case were these stairs so shrill,
A horror oozed from them and fear me filled.
I could not but wonder why irony had found,
That in the graveyard, it started profound,
Aside this step a great living tree at each flank,
And aside the bottom a matching pair, but dead and rank,
Like a gateway from living world to dead,
This whispered somber secrets to my ears full of dread,
I took the first step and it’s concrete creaked,
Rather odd, I thought, a sound for stone to secrete,
Or was it a muffled wince of pain,
From another mortal stepping again?
-
The weeping willows here feigned not their name,
For I heard them cry again and again,
The tragedy in bark and each branch,
Etched inside were names and romance,
Initials of lovers on the first two trees,
Rotting off the second set like some disease,
The twins were mirrored like that in a story,
But this was reality, this was horrifying,
I knew their fate even without a headstone,
They loved and died, and only the trees had known.
-
The perils of this place seemed haunting,
The grass so green and at peace, seemed daunting,
I took each step with trepidation,
The caution here lingered with anticipation,
At the last step I was greeted with a chill,
The faint breeze had just marked another ****,
As I stepped forth once more on to the earth,
It seemed as though the staircase lurched,
I knew then I could not leave,
Until I’d seen all of what was bereaved,
The only thought I could think was one,
Were I to die here, I wouldn’t be alone.
The feeling in which I wish to describe
Is not easily penned, nor said and why,
It’s not like something I’ve ever thought,
But it’s always been inside me to end, and wrought,
It is always present to ruin my thought,
And finally a vague depiction I’ve caught,
So please endeavor to bear with me yet,
As I endeavor to preparedly set
A most dreadful tone and thought in mind,
And deceive you of what you hide entwined.

Imagine if you will,
And humor me still,

Awake to find solace in the wrapped arms
Around you that caress your dreams and skin alike.
The warmth of the body that lay to you next,
Is soft as silk and softer even in mind,
With cherished thoughts of love and tender,
With valued honor to be defender
Of someone you see as perfection in life,
And one who you wish to spare from all strife.
-
And as they lay there still asleep,
You imagine their dreams, and cherish their peace,
You slowly drift off to join them again,
But wonder why you had first awaken,
What took you from your nap of naps,
What pulled you from a cloud’s collapse,
And with that thought you start to hurt,
All the worst things from dust to dirt,
Creep upon that sleepy head,
To reveal themselves as living dead.
Thought you they gone,
Gone had they not,
Ever present and likely sought,
The solace of your weary eyes,
And behind, the mind, cause of all despise.
-
For me, I held on to those arms
That felt like they’d never let go.
So why then did I need to hold on,
If solitude’s answer was “no”?
I felt as if it couldn’t last,
As if happiness was not as vast,
As promised as in the poems I’ve read
As fore-held as high as mountain’s lead.
I thought that if I could just hold on,
She might not let go, she’d see and keep on,
Maybe, I thought, she’d awake and smile,
Her groggy eyes beglazed and docile,
A visible love passing her sight,
Connecting through me and shooing the night,
I saw as it was a glorious bolt,
Of lightning, although as thin as smoke,
And smoke it was as dissipating,
And truth be told disappointing,
Because it was not that she even fluttered,
The fault not hers, but I still shuddered,
I imagined it all without her there,
Her kind fair eyes, and scented hair,
It didn’t seem right, not true or correct,
To have her absent and not connect,
But alas, it was with great found sorrow,
That she vacated on the morrow,
She left me in a pool of blood,
But figuratively I should say, could
It have been that all I was
Inside for her and that was,
The sanguine that cascaded upon departure
Of my love, of my Cupid’s Archer,
I sat for weeks and thought of that night,
Where I awoke and wondered this very plight,
I almost lost my very sight,
When rubbing my brow and temples so bright,
That I had in some sort an epiphany,
That this was this forsaken feeling,
That I have had throughout my life,
Of never allowing me to be all right,
Of nevermore allowed to be happy,
Of forevermore condemned to be misery,
In this, I found contemptible content,
She’ll pass and pass to my lament,
At least a spy might I be granted,
But to loneliness, I can’t understand it.
Mar 2013 · 4.0k
For R.M.
For what I know, which is not much,
I know not of what you feel and such,
But if I could be better a brother,
I would ask what makes you shudder,
I know not what causes your pain,
But I know you’ll not be here again,
So in this life, be strong, be strong,
And although I can not carry along,
What I wish I could, I’m not that good,
At expressing all that of which I should,
Know that my love extends to you,
And your indescribable heart imbued,
Keep it between us, I know what it is,
To cause yourself pain, and taste your own tears,
I wish life was easy, alas, it is not,
Lose not yourself, don’t let be forgot,
The life you know, I pray you don't,
I had no idea, of pain you smote,
To it cast out all of the remorse,
And if need, come to me, if no other doors,
Reopen for you although they should,
If need of favor, know that I would,
As brother, as friend, be there until,
Your happy, long life, end fulfilled,
I wish to be an uncle, and brother in law,
To a great man you deserve and more,
Lest it not be pain from a boy,
You are but young, they’ll use you like toys,
Be strong, be strong, our family is love,
Spread your wings, magnificent dove.
Mar 2013 · 1.7k
She Died In My Arms.
This night I cradled you to sleep
In my arms, you began to weep,
How could I know this was your last night,
On this earth, of this life
-
Tonight I’ve witnessed disaster,
Her longing heart beat ever faster,
Not knowing who I was to her,
I slept softly beside her,
-
I awoke to darkness, and warmth beside me,
Her body cold, the sheets bleeding,
A razor, tucked in her veins,
Her vacant eyes bore depraved
Lines within her gorgeous face,
In her tears there was no trace,
Of heartache, of nothing but peace,
Alas there was turmoil in her face, creased
-
Tonight I’ve witnessed disaster,
Her longing heart beat ever faster,
Not knowing who I was to her,
I slept softly beside her,
-
I lay beside my deceased love,
Like a rat with wings, a diseased dove,
Spreading sickness, depression,
Love is only submission,
-
She gazed in to my emotionless eyes
I had nothing left but despite
The revolting feeling of loss,
I held her beside me until my heart stopped,
It took days, weeks at that,
Skipping sup and water.
Sticking with but ***** and bourbon,
I drank myself in to oblivion,
Somber silence and muffled screams,
Her eyes never closed, though I tried, and it seems
That love is ideology of long ago,
An unkempt burden of tomorrow,
-
Tonight I’ve witnessed disaster,
Her longing heart beat ever faster,
Not knowing who I was to her,
I slept soundly beside her,
-
And finally on my last night
On this earth, of this life,
I held her frigid body to me,
Cradling loss and tragedy
Though she herself never caused misery,
I couldn't wait for death to claim me,
And although she left without goodbye,
I know she feared to ruin our night.
I never knew what question ailed her,
On the morrow I had planned to ask her,
If she would have me then,
I’d be lucky of all men,
To see her dressed in white,
To love her as my wife,
She slipped away within herself,
She drowned in waters of her own hell.
And as my heart stopped beating, alas,
Her eyes closed, and a smile my lips passed.
Feb 2013 · 849
It Will Soon Come.
This selfless,
Godless,
Appearance of oneself;
Resistance,
Sub-sequence,
Is righteous to one’s own Hell.
Reprisal,
Derision,
Submission to the abyss;
Arrival,
A mission,
A taste of vinegar and ****.
-
Everything you know is fake.
Your mind won’t ever allow you to make,
An intelligent assertion of what is real,
You choke on what They feed you as veal,
As if this filet was the most prime cut,
You even thank Them for what They’ve done.
They’ve given us “freedom” and so much “wealth”
They have, of course, “NEVER” helped Themself.
To dip into Their own Piggy-Bank,
Their bacon-greased fingers drawing a “blank”.
-
What have They done? What do you really know?
-
As far as it goes, there is no such thing as “freedom” or “wealth”,
A man made concept, excused as “help”
And as far as it goes of Their accepted “help”,
Just know that They have butchered our very health.
-
They’ve bombed Their own ships,
Destroyed Their own buildings,
To inspire you to fear,
To inspire misguided hateful feelings.
-
The people They **** every single day
Are not what you would right now expect,
It is not the war over the ocean and waves,
It is here that They attack.
-
Men who run financial institutions
Take from Their companies in dissolution,
Given help from Their own evil friends,
These men claim to own, and conspire again.
The word “greed” is but to low a word to give means,
To these grotesque difuckingsgusting “human” beings,
They take and take and tell us to consume,
That’s all we are, scent to the fume,
The growing pyre of our country’s scaffold,
The base, in ashes, is burning tenfold,
Soon it will fall, and what They fear will come,
And I swear I will help see Them undone.
-
Open your eyes, Open your mind.
Race is Irrelevant.
Sexuality is Irrelevant.
Religion is Irrelevant.
Lifestyles are Irrelevant.
We are wolves ruled by snakeheaded sheep,
Brothers and Sisters, we will make Them weep.
-
Coming Together,
We Will Not Fall.
We Will Not Falter.
We Will Not Fail.
Lay Sacrifice to this Altar.
-
It will soon come,
And we will rise,
We will bring light,
To Their truth, despised.
Feb 2013 · 607
Resisting Hope.
He softly cries until he sleeps,
tempting appeals of angels and weep,
It hurts, the pain,
Obviously, naught to gain,
Which is what is felt whenever a loss,
Of the most woeful kind can endorse,
The severed arteries to heart, and blood
Will stop flowing to it, gently flood,
The rest with gaping holes of hope,
And hope is the depressed man's hang rope
That he ties 'round his neck and prays,
That he may again see beautiful days,
And in hopes when he jumps from kicked chair,
That maybe, just maybe, he'll see her there,
With agony flowing from his eyes,
He can not help but to despise
The dreaming mind and hopeful heart
Turned to bumbling folly, and all false start,
His heart is but a mosoleum,
His mind is but an old museum,
Filled with antiquity, memories of late,
The pain always finds way to gestate,
It's cancerous spread to even make
The muscles within to quiver and ache,
It is colder here, he once noticed,
Upon bereavement of his pretty lotus,
That without her warmth caressing him at night,
He wakes every hour sniffing the air in false plight,
In false hope to find her scent there lingering,
Only To be reminded of cold nights and shivering,
Again the tears find pillow and cover,
He could not remember of times being more fonder,
He imagined it had never been,
That though never helps herein,
Especially considering the terrible ache,
Of even a wretched thought his brain make.
He is truly happy that she is better.
An injured man, he will endeavor.
He decides his time again may come,
And sudden misery will be undone,
But even if that turns to be naught,
He even then won't be distraught,
For either way, happier she'll be,
And that's what he wants most for she.
Feb 2013 · 664
Measuring Success.
How does one measure success?

How does one see to their progress?

Imagine a meter, a scale if you will,

that draws upon your goals fulfilled,

you may ask how it can be found,

but you alone can find this profound

tool to help yourself,

or maybe ask one trusted for their loving help,

a Father, a Mother, a Sister, or Brother,

Friends also will help one another,

but I digress, may I press on,

i lull along again anon.

-

When you first come across a thing,

a noun, a verb, some where, something,

that causes happiness derived from its action,

regardless of what form or faction,

stick with, and to, whatever it be,

remember all things come with a fee,

but the price on joy is well worth paying,

because joy is just as a child playing,

you will know over the course of this endeavor,

whether you will or won't your said success sever,

but if in years, it still brings you joy,

you will be engulfed in your own ploy,

measuring the success of whatever you will,

comes to you with whatever fills,

that which you wake for, live and breathe,

for what you might go as far as deceive,

-

Nothing is measured in paper, and coin,

or shouldn't be, rather, it should be conjoined,

with what brings you love, and no contempt to perform,

for what becomes you like a wailing storm,

that shudders the shutters of your life in a box,

what crinkles in your head like rocks,

it keeps you awake like Christmas Eve,

it is that, that your mind does crave,

into oblivion, and imagination,

a place that holds no indignation,

we feel for the things we love,

therefore it is impossible to measure it of

coin, and papers, and letters given,

to any of us, for any reason.

-

Measure it rather inside yourself,

then you will gain what you befell,

Life does have its ups and downs,

but that's no reason to run around,

aimlessly worried you'll find nothing,

of which you love, there is something,

always look for what causes you no rest,

and then perhaps you can measure your success.
Feb 2013 · 632
Humanity; The Mistake.
We feel love and loss,

Rejection and failure,

Happiness and woe,

Misery and contempt,

Hatred and malice,

Melancholy, and envy.

-

These emotions have lead to war,

To plague and famine,

To ******, and deceit,

To a web of lies,

Told and despised,

To marriage, to faith,

To all things irate,

Our minds feel these emotions,

These cataclysmic commotions,

And we pretend we are sentient,

And in minds full of our regret,

We cause war, we cause peace,

Indecisive and creased.

-

We spend our time in constant moderation,

Except the crazy few in our nations,

That stand firm in their belief,

That hold not arrows, but olive leaf,

And still there are massacres,

And human made disasters.

-

The calamity of our cursed humanity,

The fact that we feel these emotions,

As the beasts that have no mind stare

Wide-eyed and dumbfounded.

-

The separation of Man and Beast,

Is the strain of putrid disease,

That we seem among us to carry,

The fact that the animal kingdom is wary,

It should show that we are bereaved,

Of every point that should be grieved.

Of every sight that should be seen,

Of everything that should have been.
Feb 2013 · 1.2k
This Is Blasphemy.
The Church is the undying antagonist to the soul,

What was once a pure practice, has now been sold,

It's an undying commodity

That sells definitive absolution,

An unresting subsidy

That force-feeds their pollution.

-

The throats of unsure masses,

Are at their max capacity,

The unknowing public,

Craves Leaders' depravity.

To find God, one must first find themself,

Or find themself subjected

To a liar's daunting Hell.

The contradictions in the library of religions,

Written on Earth by men, with their own conditions,

Have soiled the name of God's Word,

They chose the verses carefully to

Distribute amongst the heard.

-

For Christians such as I,

Where is Judas, where is Mary?

Their gospels from the Holy Book

Ripped out and now miscarried,

Why did a peaceful Pope and King

Sanctify a genocide?

How do they know that Heaven,

For this exception, will subside?

-

Does God not weep at the loss,

Of any children slain upon his Earth?

So then why must we put Hindus, Jews,

Christians, Muslims, and Buddhists through eternal rebirth?

-

Each faction that lies herein

Has flaws amongst themselves,

The contradictory messages,

Lie entwined and fervently spelled.

-

Why does each religion preach

To love among another,

Yet wars are caused on their basis,

Of freedom from each other?

Look into your heart of hearts,

And "excuse" this ungodly behavior,

Save yourself your ******* pity

And start your own God to savor.

Find within yourself what is right,

Not to them, but to your own mind,

God will see your heart open,

With righteousness and kind.

-

We take the written, and copied oral stories,

Scribed years after the event

By man to mean they are of God's own lips

And to man we do repent.

That is blasphemy in itself

And we lie to one another,

About what we "know" to believe,

And chastise our own brothers.

-

This is why fewer Believe,

It is our elders' longing fault,

That they cannot explain questions,

Without expressing their own flaws.

The generations are no longer stupid,

But intelligent and wise,

They do not see within themselves,

That God himself in guise,

Of tests and corrupt men,

Within the religious establishment,

These dictatorships,

Are meant to blind us from within.

Release your heart and remain steadfast,

Their cultures cannot then bite,

We will achieve Paradise through Freedom,

And the evil, my God will smite.
Always remember;

Those who dwell

In stone houses

Should not throw glass.

It'll cut your feet,

You'll bleed on the cheese.

But again, Blood Cheese

Is a delicacy among us normal ones.

-

Now I have somethin'

A little somethin'

A cynic feelin'

And quite revealin'

About me stance,

And about me dance,

And skippin' the days' rope,

With the entrails of a dope,

Perhaps not that last,

That's far too passed,

Casual conversin'

And time's birds be chirppin'

So you'll sit and wonder,

Of things and blunder.

-

Ya think you're free but lemme

Speak of that bein' ill advised;

Ya sit there shocked

At a world provoked,

Well this is my world, revised.

-

They tried to match an army equivalent to mine,

They tried, they tried,

Admirable and amiable,

I hate when masses gather against me.

Their intestines and other assorted guts

Adorned my dining table and sweetroll plates.

-

The Greymarch couldn't have happened at an odder time,

Inconvenience is madness rhyme,

Therefore I purchased a hero of suspicious sanity,

Unfortunately though, he turned to depravity.

Me servant stood and told him what,

To do and there and when and such,

Sheoth has seen some better days,

Although it hasn't yet seen worsened days...

-

Brilliance of Pelagius himself,

That awful Breton ****** himself,.

Although the conversin' was enthrallin'

To say the least,

To rise up once and flay the beast,

Me Wabbajack corrected all the physicality.

-

Doin' the best on behalf of a master,

But not doin' the most he could endeavor,

It don't befront what he could affront,

The contradictions

Of his existence

Were at the very least concernin'.

-

Correct me if I'm wrong,

But I wouldn't advise it.

A hero could always do better,

Always,

Unless he couldn't,

Unless he dies. then another

To replace em'

These things tend to happen when

The entanglements come along.

-

Whether it be better to

Affront under certain weather,

Has nether to be seen on this endeavor,

But forever will be never unseen,

And clever.

-

Forgive them with revenge, for

It has yet to be determined in

Their extermination for the wrath of

Passed sensation, pray blocks their

Affiliation to Jyggalag and affirmation

Of recreation in Order, and abomination.

-

Hear me with your mortal deaf ears,

Pray tell, how have you got lizards and not gizzards?

It seems undauntin' that you may have hauntin'

Dreams of His return but not of the others?

-

You must wait on your own cheese,

For cheese be earned not given,

Unless given after earned,

But earned is the important part.

-

You're livin' in a glorious world of hellish rules,

The damnable expectation of sanity come freedom,

Though, I am the freest bein' who I be,

Demented Mania be the only way to go,

The only road,

Unless there be another in the way,

For if you know where you're goin',

There's no point in goin'.
If Daedalus built us a labyrinth

Of chambers with beds, and smells of mint,

I’d never try to leave or escape,

I’d stay with you, it be our fate.

-

Your enticing scented perfume,

Catches my nostrils as I gaze at you,

You glance back, seductive and robed,

Your shoulders revealed, the rest unknown,

Until a slight twitch adorns the floor,

With the garb you wore before,

Your lingerie lingers there now,

Across your backside and ***** endowed,

Your back is still there turned to me,

Morals become my enemy.

-

I walk slowly, creep behind,

I take your hips and you take mine,

I feel your nails dig in my sides,

Pain is not to be belied,

Turned around now, look at me,

In my eyes, what do you see?

Feel my hand gently stroke

That precious cheek of yours to stoke,

The fire that internally burns,

Inside ourselves, the passion churns,

My hand softly grasps your throat,

Your pupils widen, you are smote,

A short gasp, an inhale of breath,

I adore seeing your heaving chest,

Surprised, aroused, you grab my hair,

We break something beside us,

I don’t care, we don’t care.

-

Your *** in my hands, your legs wrapped around,

I put you on a table, throw you down,

You smile and bite your lip and look up,

Joyous repetitions of “****, oh ****”,

You bite my collar bone and shoulder,

I think “Oh, how I love to explore her”,

Pandora’s Box knows nothing of this,

I feel, as I hold down your hands with clenched fists.

-

To the chamber that promises silken sheets,

You and I alone, who needs “discreet”?

Sensual moans from my Aphrodite,

You call me Ares, and quiver slightly,

We've now become quite volatile,

You feel no need to hide your guile,

You bury my face a midst your chest,

Smiling lightly, pointing to your crest,

I serve you well,

As far as listening can tell,

You happily return the favor,

This moment in my mind, I’ll savor,

A fallen angel is angel nonetheless,

You look up and I must confess,

The sight of it, so great to behold,

That I stand you up, and around, and fold

You across the bedside chair,

Alas, the pleasure doth find you there.

I am yours and you are mine,

Behind our door records no time.

-

When I bend to receive a kiss,

Ah, the touch of your perfect lips,

Your taste, it’s addictive to say the least,

I cannot stop, your tongue can’t cease,

Then you recoil and I silently beg,

You then submit, and tighten your legs,

I kiss your neck, hear a deep breath in my ear,

You have the power of my mind to steer,

Your hands and nails find my back,

And then, in ecstasy, you attack.

What must be hours go by and then,

I feel from inside, your body tightens,

We are both together this moment,

There is a small flood after the levee’s exploded,

You lean back, dragging nails, and scream,

Heavy exhales as if we were breathing steam,

You lay atop, beautiful and breathless,

After all, we are quite reckless,

Feeding on our insatiability,

We lay here kissing awaiting re-ability,

We are lost in each other’s flesh,

And mind, and heart, and we both have fetched

A longing lust that took command,

Without daring reprimand.

-

This is Adam and Eve’s paradise,

Without The Apple, it will suffice,

This night feels as if it will never end,

We take each other again and again.
Jan 2013 · 527
Come With Me.
I am the ***** in the darkness that beckons.
I am the ending the prophetic liars have reckoned.
The feeling you have at the moment before sleep,
Realization of the unknown, the gravity, and weep.
Take my hand and be born again,
I'll show you the minds of evil men.
Jan 2013 · 624
Languish.
There is a story of which I know,

That no happy heart would dare to go,

The chimes ring silent in the frigid wind,

And the harpsichord’s tune lowers, tightens.

-

Before my tale, I must make preface,

The tale, metaphors, rightly seek justice,

For there are no emotions quite like found here,

Life just continues, a grinding gear.

-

When the flower lost its petal,

It said “These things just happen.”

It wasn’t time, it was a crime,

To let this flower die ugly.

-

The tree has lost its apple,

The only thing that marked its beauty,

No longer can it the apple cradle,

Its brilliant seed so fruiting.

-

Think of the dark storm cloud,

That lost its rain so pure,

It likely never will be found,

This sickness has no cure.

-

The feeling burrows in your stomach,

It eats away at your heart,

It terrorizes your mind,

To know they have found another to start.

-

Though no one has ever died,

From a muscle left this broken,

I guess I should have lied

Asleep, instead be woken.

-

Bring me the silken cloth,

From my box of fragile,

It will protect this darkened stone,

And mend it back to evil.

-

Think of every time you’ve cried,

About something you could not change,

And see if you still care to know,

Why it is yourself to blame.

-

Think of every category,

that you could have mended,

All of it an allegory

To your love intended.

-

When you see the bitter face,

Of reject and spite and be hated,

Coming from your used to be

Loved, but relocated.

-

You will find yourself the virus

Of your conjoined lives,

You will never be pious

Enough for their love, despised.

-

**** everything about yourself,

It helps ease the anguish,

But keep yourself here and conscious,

So you understand true languish.
Jan 2013 · 2.2k
I Thought I Saw You Today.
Peering out the window,

I thought I saw you weeping

I thought, my mind in limbo,

That I glanced you dreaming.

-

It was as if you were right there,

Standing shaking in the rain,

Water off your short hair,

Your frown reflecting pain.

-

I thought I saw you standing

Beyond the trees out back,

I am not quite understanding,

Why still your sight attacks,

-

The nerves inside my chest,

And the bottom of my gut

Adrenaline in my breast,

And the wind wont upon my foot.

-

I could have sworn to up above

That I saw you beckoning,

The water, showing what once loved,

Into somehow in front appearing.

-

You saw me looking towards you

I tried to hide my face,

You tried to hide your smile too

I glimpsed it in your gaze

-

I know I didn’t dream this today

I thought I saw you, truthfully,

It was not longing in that way,

I was just caught off guard, you see.

-

Perhaps you may have seen me too

At one point or another,

Walking the streets that we used to

Or just holding each other,

-

But honestly I do not long

Verily I do not pine,

Although it would be nice in song,

I know you don’t feel at all fine,

-

I know I must make you sick,

I know I must make you weep

Which is why today your image yet sticks,

And your broken smile doth creep.

-

Which is why today I wondered

Wherefore you even passed me by,

Fictional in my mind of blunder,

And too afraid to question “why?”

-

Why then did I even witness you,

Walking across my path,

I spied you from my bedroom,

At quickened pace so fast?

Then you stopped all of the sudden,

To give my window fair gaze,

You must have seen my face be sullen,

And given yourself great praise.

-

Although, I know you think of what could be,

And maybe not being happy,

But if I could ever wish it clear,

Perhaps I would wish you be here,

But then again perhaps I not,

And first dive headfirst into cot,

And see I don’t just wake up again,

And find out of window, you are pretend.
Jan 2013 · 1.6k
The Ripper.
An acolyte of White Chapel, I walk the streets at night,

I strut the dark to feed my lust, my mildly selfish plight.

Don’t mistake me for insane, my demonic thoughts are clear,

Come to me my little *****, I show you why I’m revered.

-

I walk behind, step by step,

As I stalk my little coquette

she leaves the brothel, all dressed up,

Awaiting young gentleman to sup,

I’ve chosen this one for my knife,

It calmly grins to end her life.

-

Her caller leaves with no tip to spare,

Her saddened face hidden by her hair,

I follow her back until an alley,

The hatred then shall take my lead.

-

Twenty feet there from the door,

I felt her heart drop to the floor,

As I choked the breath out of her lungs,

I saw the sadness from being so close to home.

-

Upon my shoulder, I take her back

To the venue of my attack

I sneak through the darkest paths,

Until my home, we reach at last.

-

And at this part in my confession

I warn of the graphic, due to depression.

-

Upon my medical table she lay,

My scalpel awaits the ****** flay,

A little anesthetic, here and there,

Keeps her awake but still and fair.

-

She cannot scream but her eyes do widen

Though to be fair, my form does frighten,

When I lay my other instruments out,

Of leaving alive, I see her doubt.

-

“To business then my dear, my dear.”

Out of one eye, I spy a tear.

-

Because of paralysis I need no restraints,

She remains still, her heart remains faint,

I start with the kneecaps, just in case,

She breaks free of the spell, so I needn’t chase.

-

I place them upon my “excess” table

And then her legs I begin to cradle,

I take then every one of her toes,

And place them in a neat little row.

-

I take my time stemming the blood,

So death doesn’t come misunderstood,

Also that she may not pass out,

She remains conscious and without clout.

-

“My Sweet,

I cherish the sorrow I see in you eyes,

I enshrine the abhorrence of love I’ve revised,

acrimonious am I, animosity guides me,

I’ll **** everything you’ve ever believed.”

-

I move up onto her thighs,

Upon the blade, the sanguine does shine,

I split each side to sew again,

Except the muscle taken from within.

-

I stitch her fingers there together,

I rip out the nails to put on a tether,

Her arms have no concern to me,

Lest I graze an artery.

-

And  my favourite, the chest cavity,

I’ll make it a shrine to my depravity

Now is the point where time is a factor,

As I do this, she will die faster.

-

I hammer away with the sternum-splitter,

It cracks and cracks, her heart does flutter,

I eagle the ribcage as she stares in horror,

The sound of my laughter begins to adore her.

-

Her organs gaze up at me in fright,

I begin extracting in delight,

She looks up, looks for her God,

But he is absent, he is a fraud.

-

I witness the beating grow faster,

She is in shock, this could be disaster,

A little more solution for the pain,

But just enough so that she remains.

-

I slowly take a needle and puncture the left lung

Her other grows violent when its marriage is undone,

I extract her spleen and then,

Her heart does pump, her blood thickens.

-

Involuntary muscles in her lips tighten,

I barely catch it with her lips stitched in,

Her eyes, how they wonder everywhere,

Searching for some thing somewhere.

-

I see in them, she questions me,

‘Why have you forsaken me?’

Darling, I think that is not the question

I did this of my own suggestion,

-

You may ask why I left her womanhood alone,

Her ******* and ***** no violence shown,

To that, I answer you now and simply,

Frivolous things such as *** do not concern me.

-

You may ask why and where she may be found,

But you won’t find her, though don’t let that cloud

Your idea of me or what lies inside,

Don’t worry however, I allowed her to die,

After I had taken her precious heart,

She likely could’ve lived half a minute to start,

But at about second “fifteen”,

I cut her throat ever so gently,

She gurgled so quietly, ever somber,

I’m sure she would’ve thanked me regardless,

But in the end I don’t feel I’ve robbed a father,

After all, what father has a ***** of a daughter?

-

You will never catch me, I have no motive,

Other than sport, and a mind supported,

With thoughts of these wretched street walkers,

May they all be mindful they’ve gained a stalker,

Perhaps one day you may of me learn,

A clean city and plain interest, is all I yearn.
Jan 2013 · 379
Feel.
Gaze upon my parasitic words

That feast upon your purified soul,

Look into the eyes of my devil,

They be not diamonds, but coal.
Jan 2013 · 344
The Order Of Things.
Out Of Love, There Is Born Reject,

Out Of Rejection, There Is Born Failure.

Out Of Failure, There Is Born Faith,

Out Of Faith, There Is Born Damnation,

Out Of Damnation, There Is Born Realization,

Out Of Realization, There Is Born Hate.

Out Of Hate, There Is Born Freedom.

Fear My Hatred,

Fear My Freedom.

Fear Everything I Am

And All I Will Become.
Jan 2013 · 443
We Are Our Own Sickness.
Whenever the thought crosses of this faceless humanity

And their poor excuses of this forgotten morality,

Hate exhumes what emotions left residing in me,

Love is dead and gone, hatred is the truth in me.

-

These creatures in the abyss, the depths of me,

Are the breaking point inside my reality,

I will never escape abandonment and purity,

We are to remain, solipsistically.

-

Each and every day, we walk mindless in the void again,

Questioning our own beliefs and trepidation,

We wonder why the endeavors never arrive in the end,

All the while, we do everything we can to break them.

-

We are the reason we will never achieve perfection,

We are nothing, worthless and in need of correction.
Jan 2013 · 469
Misguided Reasons.
Leave me behind in the darkest depths of thine mind,

The ashen vale at where I sing, was for thou too much, thine suffering,

I wished for a kiss goodbye, but my thoughts betrayed my sacrifice,

I trudge on into this barreling chasm, barely escaping your breaking fathom,

Relieve me of what has since gone and passed,

Thine most regret to see me at last,

And wherefore do I belie thy still?

Perhaps it is thine precious will,

I will not stand yet, I shall remain seated

In what my mind has yet secreted,

Of failure, of faith,

Of my longing and wraith,

And of my mind for thou, irate,

At where my mind may rest, gestate,

This peace is not peace,

Nor a piece of relief,

It is only remorse and the gloom of failed grief.
Jan 2013 · 725
Forgotten.
Forever: it is not a word I know,

Its bounding aches, its tugging groans,

Whereof I speak, thou knowest not,

My mem’ry fleeting, forlorn and rot,

Because this is of tales of my naught,

I live on only to be here, forgot.

-

-

I have saved the life of a child who shall never know my name,

The love I had for my Love, doth she not want to feel again,

I’ve fought for allies, only to now be believed of conspiracy

I’ve liberated my beliefs, only to now be under new tyranny.

I may die any day here, perhaps with the coming sunset,

But in my name and mem’ry, a candle forgotten to be lit.

Time is mortally timeless in this solipsistic reign,

I write my tragedies knowing not a person will feel the same.

-

The ghosts of faces taunt me in my regretful sleep,

Begrudging me to hide my face from all distaste and weep,

Although this feeling flourishes in this daunting midnight air,

The daylight only brings me knowledge of my true despair.

For even my children, even if I were to have them now,

Would forget my name also, I’d be but a whisper upon a cloud.

-

I could go about this life living in the best way that I could,

If all was start over, the same mistakes I made, I would,

But it does not change the fact that no one ever my name will know,

Or remember it with time if even fondness were to grow.

For it is a curse that deaf is eternity,

To my name and quill, knowledge that this woe is me.

-

My love will be forgotten,

For woman, for warmth, for longing,

My words will be forgotten,

In ink, in music, in harmony,

My breath will be forgotten,

For I leave nothing, and nothing again,

My name will be forgotten,

Knowing this makes me insane.

-

Forever: it is a word I will never know.

Love has left and died, and it seems it always will,

I don’t deserve the music I process in my head every hour of the moon and sun.

I don’t possess the strength or skill to properly put what feelings lie in my breast on to parchment.

I cannot scribe a good enough requiem, and I certainly leave no worthy revelation.

Forget my name, and remember those worthy. Forget my work, and remember the ones that fill your heart with happiness and inspiration, for no one need look upon mine and see the struggles of someone that ne’er need complain, or deserve to.

-

It is what I hear all the hours of any of my wretched days;

The cacophony that is the choir singing hymns of me being forgotten.
Jan 2013 · 710
My Inner Immoral.
My rustic heart, desolating my carcass,

Dissolution of Hatred, denying my progress,

Laughter is slaughter, sadness is one ***** of a daughter,

Creation is a lie, the falsehoods of trust falter,

The breach of truth and likeliness,

Turn my insides and cause wretchedness,

I am everything in this world that is wrong

My Rome is burning while I fiddle my song

To my Heart that is an abattoir,

of memories and weak emotion thus far,

I **** you to the bowels of the abyss,

I will be rid of you so I can be rid of this.
Jan 2013 · 576
Await.
As I sit here completely alone,

I ponder solemnly and wait for you,

I wait for your voice to call me home,

Waiting for you to miss me too.

Waiting for your thoughts to roam

Of me and our sweet solitude

Unless if you are now happy,

I am content in misery.

-

You, my dear, possess a skill

The fires in me burn as hot as before,

Nothing occurred here has broken my will

I just hope thy love has restored

Without you, the emptiness shall not be filled

For you, I beg upon the floor.

Unless if you are now happy,

I am content in misery.

-

I miss every breath and sound

I hope that you do as well,

To lose a love that is so profound,

I’d rather be in Hell.

There is something in you that shakes my ground

And that love you gave me befell

Unless if you are now happy,

I am content with misery.

-

These visions of memories are constant,

They are heaven in my own head,

There is something about you

That I have never felt before

I can’t help the overwhelming feeling,

That pulses through me every day

I wont let you leave my mind,

Please don’t let me fade away.
Jan 2013 · 744
For My Mother.
What is dusk, but the promise of dawn?
Where all of the wrongs shall be undone,
Your love, the eternal flower of purity
Your heart, an epicenter of sincerity

-

No failure made
Where knowledge hadn’t come
A sweet serenade
Of your love behind, sung

-

The furious creature in me
By you always calmed
Your word, in my heart
True as psalms.

-

Were I growthed different
Who would I be?
I druther not think it
For shall it ne’er matter to me

-

Your tolerance
For my mistakes unknow
And your pride no matter
For How I have grown

-

When I seek silence,
When I think mineself a cur,
Feeling you with me
My creature doth pur

-

My questions ever answered
Your back never turned
When young and asleep in your loving arms,
Could not a soul me stirred.

-

So ever after and always
Will I remain here for thee,
My death only bothersome,
If I let you alone be.
Jan 2013 · 421
Mr. Nightmare.
I

Am the

Awakened

Wraith of Shadow.

I convey the urge

To silently converge

All of the deep seeded dreams,

Killing hopes of the redeemed,

Ripping the stitching of what was sown,

And dying with a painful, gasping moan.
Jan 2013 · 1.9k
Misery.
Tribulations and my afflictions are misery

This cryptic, ironic, depiction is misery.

-

The warmth of the sanguine is never in me

The cold cells of mine are dead, are misery.

-

What would it take to ever **** me?

Perhaps, if only one thing, misery.

-

What is a sickness without remedy?

It is a malignant growth of misery.

-

Verification of my friend, my enemy,

Certainly my brother, my nemesis misery.

-

Confidence is precedence in my virility,

Verily infecting, lacerating misery.

-

I, Andrew, deny that ever woe could have been me,

Although I surrender, I succumb to misery.
There once was a desolate heart,

whose beating would never start,

But along she came

To disappear again,

In my dreams, she masters this art.

-

One day she came and smiled at me

More beautiful than the shining sea

And then in my chest,

My hopeful breast,

My heart drummed a loving creed.

-

O, to the pain I feel inside,

How I wish it would subside,

But I love the passion

I have to your faction,

Of your loss, I am petrified.
Jan 2013 · 432
Forever To Decay.
The tears, like frost, become my favor,

But they don’t ever my happiness savor,

The memories, how they haunt me,

But I am happy whenever I see

Your face in my dreams,

Your arms around me.

-

And I am happy whenever I feel

Like it once was, it felt unreal,

All of this has burned my soul,

Such a feeling for a soul once cold,

I miss your scent, your pheromone,

I miss being there whilst you were alone.

-

For every sickness that could ail me

I knew you had the remedy

The cancerous hate that grew inside

Was suppressed for all time.

When you walked across my path

It didn’t feel so alone at last.

-

The dark woods in which my mind could “play”

Has lost the leaves, the autumn decayed

Everything there that was there to love

Everything else feels like wearing a glove,

There is still feeling, but numbed here now,

My skin doesn’t touch, no feelings endowed.

-

Those who have died have been this spared,

This feeling of wretchedness prepared

Me for all these types of misery,

The knowledge to avoid this pain eludes me.

-

This key may no longer to me belong,

But my heart is still yours, though it be not strong.

Let no one ever upon it gaze,

Until one day, perhaps you again say the phrase,

Let no one take it, lock it away,

Even if it remains forever to decay.
Jan 2013 · 5.4k
Caring.
Willst thou grant me

status of thine nightmare?

And willst thou endeavor

to afford me your care?

-

The longing doth grow aside

The heartache that turns my insides

It never leaves, it never will

I dream of dreams of caressing thou still.

-

Bereft of thine love, mine light so dear,

Soothing laughter of thine smile so clear,

A chamber so cold at night, I die,

Of thou to me next, I fantasize.

-

Thine eyes that gaze into me still,

The photographs still break mine will,

How the sapphires through mine own burn,

How they now are ever stern.

-

Corrupt am I, who’d let it all decay

For the pair of us to run away,

Though mine head may be atop clouds high,

It is all for thou, mine starlit sky.
Jan 2013 · 547
I Am.
I am your pain and suff’ring

I am your discontent,

I am what you must hate most,

I am irrelevant.

-

I am the truth, despised here,

I am the prophesied

I am the mind so unclear

abysmal in elegy

-

I am forever lost now

I am creation’s lie

I am the standing citadel

If only towers could cry

-

I am the gallant memory

Of dreams and warm delight,

Masochistic to myself, the enemy,

I am the death of all the kind.

-

I am lost love, and silence

I speak through severed tongue,

I am those hollow voices

That speak from among the tomb

-

I am the dawn of depression

I am the boiling sunrise

I am without my Crescent,

My Moon, my only light.

-

I am the horrible nightmare

of all destroyed and gone,

I am midnight’s breath of air

I am alone along

-

I am without emotions,

once they here, but now no more.

I am the lack of suppression

Dying inside with no remorse.
Jan 2013 · 986
Untitled.
In my heart there grows an ache

Its pain ever harder to take

And in this misanthropic misery,

where my words, static, fail me

it has deepened the darkened chasm,

the heartstrings snapped and broken,

never to fully heal to harmony

without your serenade, I am nothing.
Under the sepulchre where my heart beats slowly,

There lies a necropolis where the dead lay glowing.

-

The undercroft beneath my ribs inhales frailty.

The tombstones of the truth here reminisce of failing.

-

An Acolyte to the corpse of Babylon,

The basilica spire, lies thereon,

A whisper of what had there been,

Before the Plague, the demise of Men.

-

A Monk to the infected Abbott,

The cathedral drowning in the cab’net:

The darkening secrets, too much to let go,

The flowing blood, too much for the snow.

-

A Coquette to the blistering Brothel

The modern meretricious hostel,

Lays Her cradled head down to rest,

The false hopes of a Prince, there infest.

-

The memory of a malignant massacre,

The Cancer spread like fungus on cadavers,

He tried to scream with no chords to make

The sounds emitted to keep the worms away

-

A Father of a Failure, afraid of the mirror,

As well as his own damnable creator.

The dissolution thereafter commences,

Although none change his recompenses.

-

The Leader of a glorious tribe there fallen

Rotting, decaying, like the rest of the solemn

With all respect, I know not His name

Forgotten in time, as was His fame

-

A “Friend” to a Martyr turned to a Betrayer,

Betrayer embroiled terms of the conveyor.

Martyr’s eyes and entrails are now long gone,

Though not with time, his head absent along.

-

A Dread-Worker to His mortuary,

His concept of death one day did vary,

Found were His diaries of a necrophiliac,

The town had him drawn, and quartered at that.

-

A Navigator of the salted sea,

He lays here now, bereft of memory;

It took His ship, the rocky cove,

His body here, His soul with Jones.

-

A Prophet of a fictional God,

He said he’d save the sacred sod,

And yet no miracle ever made He

His followers putrid now, festering.

-

The Violinist to His melody,

Forgot to eat, His mortal form craving,

Developing the perfect serenade,

He fell starving ‘fore having writ the last grade.

-

There is no judgement among the dead,

Except for what we give unto them,

They sleep soundly, forever eternal

Caring not who lay next to them, fraternal

Are they, and with silent kindness

Accept those also sharing their blindness.

-

The piercing shallow eyes,

At least for those who still have them,

Lack vision of the sky,

Or of the flowers who up to it stem.

-

Under the sepulchre where my heart beats slowly,

I feel a chill inside my spine that takes advantage fully,

The necropolis has inner bliss

It lies under ground and in our midst.
Jan 2013 · 367
Black.
Pull your blanket above your head at night

and you might feel comfort in the dark.

-

I behold the abyss and am calmed.

-

The darkness ironically scares you,

you cannot help but think of the creatures.

-

I have walked with the Devil and was not alarmed.

-

Blood rushes to your head, you fear

what may come next and panic.

-

I see black only because I close my eyes

and welcome death.

-

You wonder why you get nothing you’ve asked for.

-

I wake up and wonder why I didn’t pass in the night,

allowing someone more suitable to be here.

-

You regard me with disfavor and hatred.

-

I barely glance at you to save what pity I have left.

-

You gaze into the darkness,

-

I Return The Stare.
Jan 2013 · 706
Counter Argument.
Allow me to speak

Through broken teeth,

Allow me to claw

Through my broken jaw.

-

My grievous fortitude

Denies my attitude

Rejects my failures

And is my Interlude.

-

I pray to Him, my God,

and wish you here,

I ask Him every night,

But He is never there.

-

My soul is lost

In this devil’s eyes

My love for this,

with such heat, makes the seas rise.

-

I am strangled frequently

By the intestines of my intentions

My love for this melody

Was my intervention

-

My quick submission

Of life for this

was of my own volition

and love for this.
Jan 2013 · 447
Love And Sorrow.
Sorrow sweeps

And sorrow swoons

Sorrow decays

the summer blooms,

Love corrupts

Love purrifies

Love lights up

Until you die

Sorrow strikes

Swing trapezes high,

Sorrow croons

Tears pierce the eye,

Love rots slowly,

Like a corpse,

Love takes no prisoners,

Love shows no remorse.
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