My shell is my home away from reality
Pain the senses on me so I can ascend from worldly pleasures
My psychotic breathing is my only euphoria leaving my lips
tastes of insanity and the will to reach through reality
I relinquish control of the mundane and monotonous
so I may collide with the unknown and be the envy of fear
I am just a power who struggles with beauty and emboldens the ugly
Inside and out
somber drives the blissful inside the dreams when I am awake
with closed eyes I witness the abstract
my heart is going nowhere
stuck in a loveless bind
for once, the mind and body both want to leave
I: the consciousness that which exists in synapses within a singular being
must go to bed

I close my eyes to the memory I have with you
call it infatuation if you must
I call it exhilarating
when I looked into your eyes
as you looked into mine
and I felt a smile in my heart

I held on to every second I had with you
like the ocean holds on to the beautiful image of the moon
I held onto you

it was more than a kiss
more than feeling your lips
I never thought I'd feel this way again

for all I had with you, it was more than a day
and I never wanted it to disappear
not the memory to simply fade  
I just want you here

The sun is shining on the surface
shedding light on the beauty of wilderness  
life is sprawling and ever present
just like a dream you swear you could feel

A dream to a person who wants to escape
escape from all the responsibilities bestowed on to him
responsibilities of endless labor with little pay back
so someone who is deemed more important can continue
continue to reward themselves from everyone's hard work
as they merely collect the benefits

Go to sleep and have a dream where everything isn't quite what they seem
forget about people doing what they call necessary evil in the name of good
grand illusions await to show you a different kind of dirt that would seem so clean
compare it to the toxic filth they want you to use and make you feel as if you should

Dreams give us more than one life and which life do you really live
do you hurt people instead of using your ability to forgive
as if it didn't matter and if it doesn't then why do we exist

Gone is the wind when day turns to night
Like the air I breathe before light of my life
Steals my very breath
Just a kiss to forget
In my embrace you hold time in place and we are together forever stealing each other's breath away
Just one look at you and my heart begins to pound in my chest because I can't believe I got this far in love with you

I didn't know what to say so I stayed silent. How could I use mere words? this is a ******* dream! Still, I'm glad you're in it. With all the vibrations in the universe, yours is the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life. Stars don't shine when I look at you. They burn with fiery passion. It is a beautiful thing to me that you don't yet know you're beauty. It excites me because I get to show you and I will do it so extravagantly.
It was love at first sight that I chose to ignore for what felt like a long time. Yet, somehow you were still drawn to me even if just for a brief moment in time for time is seemingly eternal. Does love die so quickly? Or is it a ghost forever wondering through life and death, living through mortal beings capable of expressing it and with every dying breath expressing true emotion of deep regret. I ask because I don't know. I don't truly know anything. I just experience my own existence and I'm constantly reacting in some way. Like death is poking me, prodding me in some direction until I reach the end. And you came along. Maybe you didn't mean to, but my god you were so beautiful, so breath taking. How could my words truly grab your interests? It was easy to pretend I had little to no interest because I felt like I had to in order to protect my heart. Talking to you would have caused it too explode. I don't know how it happened, but I am happy I got to hear your voice. Your voice is like no other angel I've never heard. To catch your every word and then to catch your embrace. To hold you so close is like feeling a dream I never thought would ever come true.
I love getting lost in your eyes, your beautiful shining eyes. Maybe it's a good thing you don't know how dear you are too me, how special you are and how much you mean to me. There's a reason dreams don't always materialize and for me it is because I don't think there's enough space. That's how much you mean to me. Just the little while we have known each other, you have helped me live. It warms my heart to feel such a sensation of something so powerful that beats in my chest.
Being with you calms me so. I feel so weightless with every kiss and I will always go back for more. I may seem calm and cool on the outside, but you have no idea of the burning desire and passion you've ignited in my heart. I hope I don't burn you out so I will attempt to slowly reveal it all to you over a vast amount of time and maybe, just maybe you will enjoy the ride. I do so love the time I spend with you, floating through time and space. Eternity has never felt so full before and I could stay forever with you.
When the infatuation dies, then you will still see me there with you. If you will still desire my presence, if you will love me too because I already believe I love you and I don't know if I can hold it back any longer. This is how I'm telling you. The way I will show you will take years and in case I don't have that long, I just want you to know before our time together is over. Nothing lasts forever and I hope you will make this vain attempt with me for every moment with you is just so magical in some way or another. Life passes by so fast when I'm with you and that's why I feel like I could grow old with you. Yet I feel so alive with you.
I just want you to know you are on my mind and in my heart, so in some ways you are always with me. I want to be more than a memory for you, I want to be your everything. For me, you already are.

I fill my head with lies
maybe I'll believe in something one day
I cut myself with memories of times past
bleeding emotions all over the moments
lying on the floor
drowning in an abyss of indifference
looking at all the happiness
has turned a beating stone to nothing at all
occasional fits of rage to show I still care
wanting to end the anxiety caused by the measure of time
how long do I have before I'm too late
pass the day away treating souls like slaves
like paper will ever be enough to pay back the time loss
give me a piece of you
maybe then it will be worth something
when I can sculpt an anomaly made of pieces of arrogance
what about my memories
they won't just leave me
my heart used to ache for pleasure
now the emptiness deals in business  
happiness is waiting at the end of it all
this existing race of time with a purpose
to carry us all to our end
using fear to push us along
enslavement using the whip made of materialism and the endless hunger for more
blood of innocence for the dreams of tomorrow
these are my new memories

There's few people I trust, but ****
you give me butterflies

The world is crumbling
and all you have to offer
is your opinion

See how many lives you save
as you watch it go to waste.
If you can save one life
make sure it is the one
that supports yours.

This world we call Earth
is our only hope
and we must defend it
so it may save us.

Save your judgement
for when you have compassion.
Use it to care
for life is everything to a mortal.
But do not fear death
it is there for life.

You have more in your hands
than you can see
until it slips through your fingers.
But you must hold on
and never let go.

I have a present to give to the past
as it is what I have to use to live.
An instant moment in time
as motion leaves it behind.  

See how long it can wait
where time can take its' place
even though the future was never promised.

Reach to a silent nothing
an empty space for a universe

Life is the dream that lives for nothing
death brings the dream closer to awakening

it's easier to understand those who make the same noise as me

The trees breathe deep so the world can be alive
the living creatures trade breaths with nature
and we all stay alive for a little longer
so we can **** each other

What is death
it would seem like the end of life
but does life really end
when one life dies there is still more life beyond
maybe death is just part of the cycle
like death is the opening of a candy wrapper and eating the candy
death is the wrapper that no longer holds anything of value
death is the shell that is now empty
death has no inhabitant
so what is life
the thing that makes everything move possibly
not just simple movement
but conscious movement with a thought of where it's going
so when life and death meet
where does life go
and why does death stay if it is really here
if there is one thing I feel
it's weight
life and death weigh on me every day
pushing me down
making everything take more effort out of me
like I am made to suffer just so I know what pleasure feels like
life is pleasure and pain
death doesn't feel anything at all
life is finite and infinite
death is life's shadow knowing one day it will be gone
when life finally dies
death lives forever and becomes nonexistent
and there it is
nothing
the thing we see when we are looking for something we cannot find
that's what is weighing in my heart
what am I looking for
some kind of sign that there is magic to ease the suffering of life
if not to make it thrive despite being constantly surrounded by death
I feel as though magic is science that cannot be explained by modern terms
maybe one day
but not today
my own life isn't so mundane and yet I don't want it
I feel it calling me closer
it's voice getting louder through time
time which was merely invented
all I see is motion and motionlessness
panic and calm
love, hate and indifference
my love and hate battle while indifference plays video games
ignoring everything and every thought
because reality is ****
suffering is how I know it's real
I don't want to be real anymore
I don't want to dream anymore
just let me sleep
I am tired
but no
I have to keep going
I have to see the end
I can't give up on my secret search for what I consider magic in my time
what is magic in my time
well, it's love
unconditional love from someone who isn't your mother or father
someone who chooses to be your family
it's a pleasant surprise that doesn't end in an instant with a dose of harsh reality
magic is having your pet be your equal like another person
it's knowing that when you die, you will be fine
it's being being real in a world of fakes
or being fake in a world of real ones
magic is the opposite of reality perhaps
the imagination at its' finest
or worst
you decide
*****
you think I'm done
I'm not
I'm just getting started

I am here to steal your loneliness away
I know the pain all to well
I'll give you my hand and you can give me your hell
I'll change everything for you
I know emptiness  comes from going nowhere and knowing no one
truly we all hide behind masks whether we admit it or not
these white lies are still lies and it is torture to call out and hear only your own voice echoing back to you as if it is rejected by those who wish it unheard
I can help with the cold if only to make eternity more bearable because the silence never ends when you're all alone
you will have a way to end it all
this gift will be your tool to shed your prison
you are imprisoned by doubt and fear
I'll change your mind
and you will burn now when you shiver in your empty hole of despair  
nothing is as warming when there is desire to save yourself

So here I am
ready to face a new day and I have faced many
ready for heart break when my heart has been broken so many times already
it never ends with people or the things they do or what I do
or don't do
and then there's my face
changed only by physical scars in all the right places
I try to express emotion as much as I can
but if you catch me in my natural state
you would think I was upset or wanted to **** someone
no
I'm just fine
I just look unimpressed with life and the task at hand
and it isn't so far from the truth generally
off and on my heart breaks daily
I feel the weight of sadness in me
it comes for many reasons or for no reason at all
and there's anger breaking my mind and causing me to become so single minded in my rage
holding everything in until I have destroyed all my inner peace
even in peace my face never changes
if you can't make me laugh then watch me do it for you
I have a great sense of humor and yet not everyone agrees
it's just so difficult to wait for someone with a decent sense of humor to laugh with me
peace love and laughter all come and go
so does sadness and anger
between all that I am left with nothing, but a face
a face you want to punish for being so unmoved by your words and actions or lacking thereof
I could reach into my abysmal past and bring it all to the surface for you and your trivial opinion to see that I've had enough of life for one existence and I'm still here
I do what I want when I can and I do not allow those to stand in my way to continue being in my life as long as I am able to choose
you can imagine the terrible suffering I must endure when my choice and freedoms are taken from me and I assure you it ages me quicker and I will think of a way around it all
I know I won't live forever, but see how long my name floats through the ages
see what I do with the life I have
I know I will be torn down time and time again
just as I know I will rise all the same
just so I can tell you to go **** yourself
with just a look on my face that everyone just seems to love so much

I'm trapped inside this torment I can't escape
I wish I could give up and walk away
it's not so easy being confined to distance from living
surrounded by empty space and silence from the other side
solitary existence feels like a lie
I've become a ghost believing I still breathe and yet no one acknowledges me
this prison of emotional pain keeps me locked into place
and I reach through the empty spaces only to find cold rejection
the empty space and silence have sentenced me to a certain death
I watch as it crawls all over the places where life used to be
and now I haunt the ground I walk longing to live again
hope is slipping away and I can only see one way out
and yet nothing would change