1F 1 C0ULD 83 71K3 Y0U 1 W0U7D N3V3R L3T G0 0F WH0 1 4M
TH3 F4CT Y0U W177 D13 1N3V1T4B7Y M4K35 Y0U PR3C10U5
71F3 C4N 83 M4NY TH1N65 8UT 1 4M 0N7Y 0N3

To lose someone you love is to gain solitary confinement in your heart as it does not actually break. It pounds in your chest the beat of devastation.

Stress builds in my head and thickens my blood
swarming my imagination with failures
hope is being swallowed in an abyss of endless apathy
success was only a short lived dream anyway

Silent killers swim through my veins
pushing through and attacking my mind
the conductor of my actions already aims at my submission
if only I had a different situation and a different frame of mind
that were both better suited for life
then I'd probably want to keep trying.

Show me eternity
as you begin your torture with me
the beginning has no ending
it's all too painful to count
with each cut and stab
the blood drips drips down my flesh
as I grow colder
weaker and numb
I can only look at my life
all the times I was happy
it wasn't worth being sad
yet I had to ruin what happiness I had
never letting it remain
scaring myself away
I am at home in misery
pushing in all the hatred and indifference
keeping myself alive in the heart of night
surviving from the luster of hellish nightmares
learning to survive closing my eyes
what happiness came when it all went away
when I could feel the warmth from the light of day
those moments are screaming to get out again
still alive in me
caged in by all the cynical memories
nothing ever lasts
it's not meant to be
I'm just a page in a book that always gets erased
use me for a different story and laugh at my anguish
when things get better
I have so much to hold together
before it all falls apart
I can live with a unhappiness forever
expecting a broken heart
but sometimes I remember I know better
and maybe it's all just for the sake of art
and it's all just a joke
I don't want people know
how I really am
as they often sabotage my dreams and ridicule my beliefs
I don't have to be gay or have psychological disorders
to face the oppression I deal with every day
the worst judge in my life is myself
I'm too different in my own mind to belong
the silence is what kills me in the end
the comfortable discomfort I know so well
bleeding out of me by the second  
the nectar of animistic  life
leaving me empty as I have often felt
now it will all dry on the ground
with my last breath I will hold it for as long as I can
to drag out the misery for one last thought of gratitude
as I look at my killer
"Thanks for thinking about me"

She is my light
I admire her from the dark
tracing her movements with my eyes  
playing her voice over in my mind

She is so perfect to me
flawless skin she wears
covered in elegant fabric
how I wish I could touch her

She has an intoxicating fragrance
I am lucky enough to catch her scent
sometimes she will walk by me
never noticing  

She makes me feel like a peasant to a queen
graced by her presence  where I wish to be
but she will never see
where I will always be hiding

I am always watching
always remembering
always admiring
always... planning.

it's easier to understand those who make the same noise as me

I stopped getting older and I stopped caring about a special day about my life
surviving didn't seem like a miracle compared to the punishment I compared it to
and now I find myself avoiding attention for it just so I can be alone
my hatred for loneliness has since changed for the love of getting away
seems there's a little more hair on my face, but when I shave
I still look like a kid, but with less passion  
slaving away at my job for a little bit of money so can have some paper before I die
the last thing I need is to die so I guess everything else comes before that
most of it is ******* and I wish I could destroy the system and create my own
being one of those people with silly ideas  
still wishing, still hoping and still doing what I can
to give myself more hope as my wishes are made to myself
I no longer wish for love, I love myself now
I no longer hope she comes back, I love myself now
I no longer wait for things to get better, I do it myself now  
I'm getting older and my birthday is just another day I age  
another day when I feel happiness and pain
another day when the sun will shine before it rains
it's all okay because it's just another day
the last time I celebrated my birthday was the last time my childhood was most alive
now it's not so great, I'm having a rough childhood and growing up isn't all that it was cracked up to be
it's mostly full of **** and full of people who make up all that ****.