I try to live up to expectations.
I'm told trying isn't good enough only success.
I only have a small problem,
Whose expectations am I living for?

O'er the field the lay
Planted by magic
No matter the time there they stay
Some would say their life is tragic

As a child I'd frolic in their patch
They shared wisdom of all they'd seen

The older I become
The more deaf I am to their wisdom

The wildflowers--
mysterious and wise

Oh,  how I long to be infantile once more
To hear the whispers and feel a power
Old as I am now I realize that was yore
Oh, I long to hear the secrets among the wildflowers

i forgave and waited
and waited
and waited
for a change
there was no change
just disappointment
so i told myself to believe
believe in the one who hurt me the most
and try again to forgive them
stupid me
stupid me
i did it anyway
i forgave
never got an apology
an explanation
or a change
im done forgiving
i may sound cold
heartless
brutal
but how can you be
happy
enthused
and whole
when youre
broken
weak
and disappointed
now im disappointed
but i refuse to forgive any longer
i forgave and waited

stranded on the open ocean
ceaselessly i rock
back and forth back and forth
time is incoherent
the rays of the sun become obsolete
yet still im on the open ocean
and ceaselessly i rock

*****! You sit here on your "throne"
awaiting your next victim.
You asked me for a pet name
I have one-
Queen of Hearts
You play a card game
We're just your ******* cards.
You toy with us, blame us, and move on...
For once the guy isn't the ******
He's not the one cheating and lying
to play your game of poker.
I must hand it to you
You're fantastic at your poker face
Go quickly,
You've got to plan strategy for your next hand!
Your deck is running low

Just have the Joker put it in the stack,
Your majesty you've claimed another card
Oh Queen of Hearts,
that card was mine.

Beat down and bruised
My person was stolen, hidden, and used
My candle blown out by your control
And with that went my entire soul
You degraded me without shame
All those years I took the blame
Abuse and anger was all I had
*******, you never felt bad
Mentally and physically you had me drained
Underneath the torture I was chained
Oh so desperately I gasped for relief
You grabbed me and crushed me like a leaf
Manipulation was your game
Played me like a pawn--go ahead take your fame
I was your slave far too long
Now I know you we're solely in the wrong
I'm getting out and moving on
Just remember I'm no one's **** pawn!

*******,

Maybe I'm not "giving it energy,"
Maybe its causing me to fail,
Maybe its causing me to hurt,
Maybe I'm depressed about it,
Maybe I don't feel like repressing my emotions anymore,
Maybe the anger and hate its created is controlling me,
Maybe I don't ******* want it,
Maybe I want nothing more than to be free of it,
Maybe I feel like ****,
Maybe its causing me to ******* hate myself,
Maybe its entirety is ridiculous,
Maybe I want to scream about it,
Maybe I'm its prisoner.

Maybe you should shut the **** up about not "giving it energy" because maybe you're not me!

We are trapped
trapped into a machine of cogs, gears, and steel
We have no choice but to enter
it tosses us, hurts us, scares us
It forces us to conform into a fake tragedy

Society...it chews and spits us out
We're all just outsiders looking for a way in
We want to "fit in"
but what really is fitting in?

A satanic monster society is
built on hate and distrust
why not love and care
instead of bomb after bomb after bomb

Oh nuclear war you say
sure go ahead let's fund it!
What about education?
Our future thrown away because of greed

Greed of power
what is power?
is it money

I might not know much
but I believe

I believe in love
in human connection
in forgiveness
in hope

So maybe while you try to fit in
into this box
I will sit back as an outsider
of society

and I will dream...

As I awake,
eyes open to sunlight.
Deep breathe...
A new day has begun!

I'm a dreamer,
I dream for a day where we choose love over hate.
I hurt for those who hurt,
I'm no better than the rest...
They say shoot for the stars,
but why?
Why shoot for stars?
Why not shoot for galaxies?
They say our brokenness makes us ugly,
To me our cracks, chips, smudges
define us
unite us
they are us
We are a broken mirror
Love is our glue
When we love; we fix; we heal
If we can love; we can glue
with our broken mirror and glue comes beauty
Its art
For now I can only dream
Dream for acceptance and love
Our love redeems, but our meanness kills!

As we lay here abreast,
the frigid temperature whisks against our bare bodies
In snow we pose,
as we feel our love grow.

Gazing into your eyes
I am ignited with passion.
You strengthen me,
astonish me,
love me.

I fear that I fall prey to the cold world,
for your soul is tender, sweet, and warm
yet I feel I may not amount to your grace.

As I search through your soul,
I fill myself with doubt.
Why mess with perfection?
Why destroy it?

I know I must go,
save you the pain to come.
My love for you is so great,
I fear that it might invoke hate.

A **** fool I was to leave my warmth.
With that I entered the cold world,
and though it was ages ago
I remain in remorse.

As time went on and we grew apart,
I was still there in the dark.
Watching my warmth provide light to another man's world.

Alone I sit in the snow,
remembering those long winters ago.
As aged as I am now,
I still wish I'd known how,
to give you your worth.

My warmth gave,
and I took,
coward I may be,
but cold I am.

Jealous...I shouldn't be,
but I caused myself this...

What we had you broke
What we shared you stole
What I am now you sculpted

**You abandoned me.

Surrounded by nothingness,
is the only type of perfect bliss.
I stand nowhere--
just floating in the open air.

Looking forward; I cloud the past.
It proves to me it wasn't meant to last.
My path becomes seemingly unclear,
but I am tired living in this fear.

I go out on a limb
hoping the light is not dim.
It shines at the end of here,
I must keep going for that isn't near.

I trek this jaded path
only to find my soul's deep wrath.
My mind plays a tune of the fife--
I know that song is my life.

It was a warm spring day
in the month of May
When a letter flew into my window sill
nosy I was but oh my it was such a thrill

Mysterious, unopened, and coffee stained
Oh how I tried to restrain
I peered out
curious to see if anyone was about

I lived on a country farm
I gazed o'er the fields and their charm
Slowly I opened the letter with grace
and made sure I did it without haste

I am old and forgetful now
but if I remember the letter talked of a vow
A vow of one's love
and the man who orchestrated it from above
It did say, "always have faith"
and "try to give it more than an eighth"
Even if only an eighth of courage, of strength, and yes strangely fear
For with that eighth HE holds your life dear

I distinctly remember it signed up real nice
For a moment I doubted if I should ever read it twice
It made me reflect on the life HE gave me
But as HIS child I realized I'm free

Days when I swing under the ole' willow tree
I remember how I'm filled with glee
That letter flying in the wind was so odd
Yet it's coming back to me--Oh yes!
It was signed by the one and almighty God.

You break me
snap
you toyed with my feelings
weep
you blamed me....
                                ....and I believed you!
Your existence is comprised of lies,
like a house of cards waiting to fall...
slam

I see you in the coffee shop,
and you ask me, "How are you?"

I grab my cup and walk outside,
smirk on my face,
I mutter, "Better now that your gone."

As I head to work I realize you meant nothing!

I have news for you...
I've moved on and upward,
just like an elevator.
*ding

Held back by the trivialities of life,
Do I jump away from the habitual methodology?
I urge and yearn to taste life with enormity!
A grain of salt taste is too lacking for me,
I am overtaken by a sense of feeling.
For once I feel independent.
My blood filled corpse feels...
good.

I will jump with the world behind me.
I will not only jump; I'll soar.
The chains of social normality have been broken,
by me!

The glistening sun beats down on my enthused soul.
I'm liberated!

I'm free!

I rue the day when we can no longer be
the day without harmony
when faith is sold
when our love has rust
when our hearts turn cold
when all becomes dust

The day the sky turns gray
The day the joyful bird whimpers away
The day when our youth cannot feel
The day when we have no strength left to heal

The inevitable future is becoming clear
Hold on tight for it is packed with fear
Peace will only be a joke
And triumphant war will be our cloak
As we turn a blind eye
We lay down humanity to die

I want to take a moment....just one
Please just hear me
I need to be heard
I truly don't ask for much....just a moment
I need this moment
To be heard...

I'm tired
sick
worn out
of pretending

Pretending to be someone else
Maybe if I stopped just for a moment...
I could see the real you.

That moment...
I need it to come more often.

gone!?!
              I was never *gone
I was there...
                                                        ...but where was there?
was
            was
                        was
                                     I am here
                                     so there must be here!!!....or is here a different place from there?
I think I am gone...
                                      

                                                                                                                                      ...but I was **never gone

First Name: Broken       Last Name: ?

If only you knew what lies behind her smile
Pain and abuse
If only you knew what lies behind her eyes
The horrors she's seen...the tears she's shed
With every breath she struggles; it's a constant reminder of stress

She's vulnerable, weak, hurt

She never quite made it as an actress but,
the facade she portrays: courage, strength, faith
should earn her an Oscar.

If only we knew how she felt on the inside...
despair, lonely, pathetic

Happiness disappeared from her repertoire long ago.

She'd find other ways to feel good
***, drugs, alcohol
they didn't work*

Where is she now
waiting for peace
What is she hoping for
death

She is *empty from being beat down numerous times...
Who cares about her...
                                                          ­                                                                 ­ ...for all we know she's *gone

Her daddy always said, "run...keep running...don't stop!"
Sweet smiles, beauty, and vibrant summed her up
She wanted nothing more than to appease
Perfect complexion and down to earth
At least that what we saw....
run...keep running...don't stop
She lived by her daddy's words
Underneath, she wanted nothing to do with herself
Empty and cold were her insides
She didn't hate herself because a perfect girl like that can't hate
She was depressed but she didn't know it
She had the world at her finger tips or so we thought
she ran...kept running...didn't stop...
but this time
she jumped!

Have you ever gotten burned by fire?

Well I know I have.

Venomous, poisonous, hateful words,
fell straight from her lips and landed in my core.
Like a soldier who stood tall for so long,
I was shot down.

My reaction, silence.
I no longer saw her as the fire who no one couldn't stop,
but rather the fire who no one could put out.

Her words, her actions consumed me.
I the forest, and she the fire.
This combustion only left wreckage.
Just as her carbon took my oxygen,
her anger took my sanity.

There are days I want nothing more than to return to the past.
Forgive.
I'm not there yet,
For every time I approach trying to go back; I think,

Have you ever gotten burned by fire?

Well I know I have.

I used to dream in constellations now I just see pathetic glimmers in dark
I used to pray for forgiveness now I find forgiveness false
I used to understand with compassion now I couldn't care less
I used to be fearless now I shake at the sight of my reflection
I used to leap for  the sun now I hide from the moon
I used to
used to
to
to live
to live now
and realize
you stole me

I lept with my back towards the wind
Now I creep cautiously
I jolted in front of the entire pack
Now I distance myself far behind
My smile was a burst of light from the sun
Now it only serves as mask of the hurt
I loved to live
All I want now is to live for love
Love that was there
Is now the love that's gone

Out the front, to the right, three blocks down, two houses in, and look for one bright purple door...

I remember growing up with you.
I was always the cautious one --
but you, you could hardly sit still.
You leaped for the sun, and when you missed it by a little bit
I was there,
crushed between you and the pavement.
But it didn't matter your smile lit up an entire world -- mine.
You would laugh till your voice went mute.
Honestly though, you never could mute.
We'd sit and I'd listen
but time progressed and the green leaves fell.
From my best friend whose pretend wings challenged those of a phoenix,
To a adult with priorities, responsibilities.
Your free imagination fell prey to reality.
We went on our separate paths I'd be a lawyer, and you --
you'd go work in a third world country,
Saving lives, enriching souls

I stopped by the old stomping grounds the other week,
I went out the front, to the right, three blocks down, two houses in, and found one bright purple door.

But, you -- you weren't there.

I dread it.
Awake
Work
Eat
Sleep
This is my cycle.