Pardon the interruption, but I must scream
Wake me up from this unrelenting dream.
The one where I thought everything would be all right.
The one where I'm wrong again.
You're always mad and yelling at me.
But not anymore. Not anymore will you see me.
I had to ban you from my life.
But now you pursue me in the cold of the night.
I've locked my doors.
Locked them up tight.
It took all my might.
All you needed to do was just act right. I'm sorry.

I was down for you
and you sold me out.
I kept getting friend requests
But you said have no doubt.
Believe in me is what you said.
I believed in you and was left for dead.
Waiting in indio-500 miles from where I moved to.
To start a life for me and you.
But it's all me now after all the money I spent.
And that last $100 I just sent.
I only got love for those who love back.
I only got Faith in those who keep their word. I have faith in myself.
It's what I've learned. Keep your secrets hidden
I'll be in the light.
Keep your word or someone will take flight.
You can be you I won't stand in your way.
But be aware I do what I say.
Hard to comprehend for people like you.
Just what people like me will say and then do.
It *****.
***** to be you

This dismay, it's all that i know
the endless result of which i grow
my anger right now urges me to smash
stomp out your teeth and break all this glass
this fragile fascade you portray to all
will not long last after you fall
fall down as you've pushed me
into all this glass
The transparent confines wont be my last
because i never give up and so I must smash

Those in power
Should act right
Be ethical
I have no respect for you now
I gave my all
You gave me the boot
I am cut off
You lie and exile me
I should have known
Petty Petty liars

Your transparency is indecent to me. I would rather hand you a cloak to keep it from my eyes.
I can see right through to your core like a potato bug.
Hideous.
Like an embryo of evil. Foul and naked to my soul.
I can see your soul and it is not black.
It is empty. Transparent.

Blue on blue-
What's True to You
Isn't the same to Me-
I only hear and see-
what I Feel-
You never
those near
have not known Me-
Fabricate-
Relate in Word-
but yet, not in deed-
I am misunderstood
Misunderstood as can be-
Be what I say-
Be what I May-
Live long
and decay-

This Unknown Presence in my life-
Will it bring Harmony- Will it bring Strife?
Is it a Stranger- Is it just Myself?
Will I treat myself well or shout GET OUT!!!  ?
Will I recognize it's beauty or only it's faults?
Is it A Bringer of Good News- Wealth, Love, Joy?
Is it a Tormentor- Bisecting a toy?
Anything can be anything as anyone is anyone-
Intent of my thought creates what i will be.-
This unknown Presence today in my life I will name her Andrea
This is her Life-
Succeed at your missions- love, wealth, joy, peace-
and continue sharing all you seek-

I dont want to stand out-
Because I'm  standing all alone.
I don't want to be noticed-
When i dont know  where is home.
I don't  want to be heard-
When im having a fit.

I'm  awkward, spadtic, embarrassed  by my follies.

I dont want to  be beard-
Wben I'm  having a fit.
I don't want to  be stAred  at-
When the shoe doesn't  fit.

Like it is - I'm embarrassed by my follies.
I want to run off the edge-
And not  see myself .falling.

White- Eyed Alive-
do or die
piece of the pie
and the American life-

Preprogrammed responses
they all seem to do it-
a previously animated existence
we replicate
but we don't really do it-

The Stepford Wife
and Mr. Right
neither holds an interest for me-
I fit no mold
with no people of my own-

The Wanderer
Vagrant
I Am Alone

I have no breath to breathe life into anything else I have no desire to guard my own health I don't have any ideas that I will pursue I have my empty life and it ***** to be you just a pun from when I was young use is proud and free not wise as they perceive themselves to be but I prefer it to fight here right now life that is help I mean although I don't hold it I'm detached emotionally people are tricksters untrue to their cores they scramble of vengeful unloved hordes I'm better off alone cuz I can do whatever I want I'm here alone

Look into the Past
nothing ever Lasts
Fated to wither and die.

Look for Hope Tomorrow
from the Haters and the Sorrow
Searching for some shiny new dimes.

Book my passage
place my coins on my eyes,
I've stayed too long this time.

I must return this life I've borrowed,
from both Yesterday and Tomorrow.

I hear it is said " Live in the Now",
" Live for this Day";
yet I don't know Why or How.

so, from lost and disheartened,
I've made my journey back;
although, I've misplaced my tiny handful of tokens.
Tokens of Faith, Hope, Love and Trust;
I will give back all that I must.

This World is persistent and unfamiliar,
and I abide far too long-
I will leave without dancing-
I leave that to you, and I require no song.

lying in bed
laid to rest
the outspoken
the out numbered
never loved the best
I will pass unnoticed, but marred by vanity's test.
not one to live for, not one to die for-
middle of the road; on neither side of the fence,
the onlookers watch and stare.
at last; at will, firing into the open blackness of the sky-
wanting to feel alive, not wanting to care=
I am not alive nor free nor dead; wanting to die

When the illusion is revealed, all of its magic falls tragically and becomes trash in the gutters.

Have I no master no authority to hear it here too I think this must be partially true and escape servant like a surf I've abandoned the land the places where I come from no not who or where to demand another others feel my place pity for one another no need to spit in my face October 29th 2019

Vaguely Blunt and Bluntly Vague-
these are the explanations which i gave-
words too deep for sorrow, i utter from which i made-
i am vague yet blunt, trying to out live this stunt-
Terse, I am called rude, I mean, I am real, Blunt- while I am Vague-
to not indicate the offenders, whom we all see and suffer throughout the day-
I can not disclose my feelings, uncomfortable with their sins-
I tarry quickly to shut the door , before their wickedness begins-
It is not a game, it's real , at least to me-
excuse me if i am rude or blunt or don't make sense because i am vague=

Verses can be vicious, viscous, or sweet-
sour, trite, veracious as we seek-
sought-out, sought after, inclined to the top of the peak-
Veracity wounds as lies distort,
the kingdom into the meek-
faint of heart, and heartless-
consume the skeletons of words that create the tomb-
The womb of death, let us depart while there's still room-
it lures me in with it's alluring perfume-

The Loss of Focus throughout each of my days-
is Profound, Predictive of the Futility of my ways-
The Hopeless Despair in which I Reside and Feel-
Animates each cell of my being, any Life in Me It Steals-
My Solitary Thoughts, I push Outside, to You-
Another of Faith, Unknowing of What to Do-
Fold, Check, or Play My Hand through-
Not up to par, I am decidedly Losing, It's Not up to You-

There's what the World Tells You, and what You Know for Yourself-
There's the Promise of Heaven, and your Own Personal Hell-
Truth is what you believe in, whether your Values be true or false,
it portrays itself on your face-
" My eyes could never show what is not real" ( Red Hot Chili Peppers- "I could have lied")
I will take away your contentment-
but your soul i would not steal-
I love you like my Father-my Mother, My Child-
I love you for your fear, pain, and Humility-
I love you for your proud, instinctual Futility-
Vanity is the falseness which could transform by honest work-
The toilers unspoiled; surrounded by demons who lurk-
My secret ideals, hidden from view-
escape little betrayal; though unseen by you-

Not the first, nor the second, not even the third, nor the last-
you are further back in line- your turn is often past-
no leg to stand on, no claim to plea in town-
the people far outnumber you, and the people hold you down-
so the world can sedate you, dress you like a clown-
the hecklers heckle, the jesters jeckle-
they point out every flaw-
and count every freckle-
red headed step child, collage of human wastes-
foul smelling humans, grovel in distaste-

Those born in favor, lost flavor, and the flavorless salt-
Those born under a bad sign, never tire of the assault-
the barrage of fists, feet, and curses-
ingrain themselves into your skin; like a child's taunting verses-
Haunting melody of tragedy-
though forewarned and advised-
the favored spawn, divert and are drawn-
behind the chariot consumed in flame-
the guilty don't despise, the jury does not lie-
the judge calls you by name-
namesake of a sinner, lineage of your skin-
betrayed into obscurity, the darkest hour grows dim-

Nebraska hue-
overshadowing all that you do-
Hollywood stars gaze down through the blackness to you-
A lone wandering vagrant roaming far across the lines-
The cross section severing your life as it defines-
Shaped by the masses, cutting away your beliefs-
pruned by a madman, he glorifies your Grief-
The Here and the Now-
escape me somehow-
so I once daydreamed of you-
Staring at the fields- the mountains- and the snow-
I must be reformed in all i know-

Desolate little landscape, barren little eyes-
empty little soul, blackens out the skies-
nothing left to see, nothing to visualize-
eyes engulf the darkness, bring you to your knees-
waiting for a real man , i'm hiding in the trees-
the takers of humanity , the takers of one's soul-
the takers of my birthright, try to steal my soul-
no one to defend me, my protector was a hoax-
suffocating on the stench, devouring my lifeless, soul less body,
i curse him, that he chokes-

I lost my white Pigeon that resembled a white Dove-
I lost him through death, death of my love-
I assembled him of my lost father, for both now i cry-
I am filled with the feelings of loss, lost and of I-
I am afraid to live and afraid to die.

My Pigeon so strong just like my dad-
is remembered fondly, in the love i had-
Still , he waited patiently, to witness a change,
but his health faltered quickly as my mind did derange-
Stoic and Beautiful my Lost White Pigeon Dove-
I curse what has befallen you , my father, -
I release you from the duty of my love-
Rest Peacefully Pigeon, Dad, Scott (Squid), Denise, Paul, Bill, and Grandma

Deadened, darkened-
how weird and alone i feel-
un human- not a person in this society.
I'm a notion,a concept, an ill thought plan.
Scorching the skyline, I ran and I ran-
toward and away from- back and forth-
I Know Faith Without Workd Is Dead-
but I am dead-
working myself full of worth.

you spread rumors- you spread lies
you'll cover you ears- i'll cover my eyes
you agitate and stir chaos into the ***
i sift through the waste to get what i got
you bundle up sorrow and infest others with strife
i put my hands before me to give up my life
bees and honey and trees and plants
left over for the maggots and then the ants

So sad to let her go
Yet she has already gone
Gone far too long with her resentful heart and her damning words.
I am better off left to the birds.
They have gathered to pick at my flesh.
So transparent are their compulsions
So enlightening for me to see and hear.
I no longer hold her dear.
Conjurors of cruelty gathered to pick me apart. Unwanted users give me discord while they want. Spit in my face
You are weak and problematic.i am better off to have not created you