I feel like all these people aren't sure who i am
Aren't sure i exist
I'm a vessel for input with no meaningful output
Irrelevant
Unimportant
Transparent

1.
so young and unsure
of what feelings even were
we do not talk now

2.
I knew you shortly
I met you on a cruise ship
You are far away

3.
We used to be close
Now you have habits that scare
and you hurt people

4.
Dated you shortly
I'm sorry for how things went
I made you so sad

5.
You were my first girl
you made me question a lot
feelings had been weird

6.
we were both so drunk
made the mistake and fell hard
was nothing to you

7.
we were best friends for
so long, things changed and
now we do not talk

8.
we clicked right away
you left me for someone else
not over it yet

9.
I was so so drunk
you used me for attention
I resent you now

10.
You are a vision
you're from another country
why would YOU kiss ME?

11.
we are together
you make me feel important
I hope this will last

everything is a copy of a copy
this is too easy
here I am writing these ******* words
with my ******* pencil
on this ******* paper

it all seems so fake to me
people grow up
with the constant idea that they are unique
stop telling yourself that you are something special

you arent an exception
you are just like everyone else

it's quite a shame isnt it?
to be a victim of your own mind
to be the worst enemy to yourself
to loathe life because youre the one living it

it's quite a shame isnt it?
to feel like you no longer hear laughter, only cries for help
to sit and wait, but you arent sure what for
to live in denial that beauty exists

it's quite a shame isnt it?
to be alive

I am a closed bottle
my feelings are written as a message on paper
rolled up
and stuffed inside

i am a broken mirror
shards of glass scattered about
watch where you step

i am a piece of paper
crumple me up
and no matter how much you try
i will never be perfect again

I am the dropped penny that rolls underneath the sofa
don't bother looking for me
I'm just a penny
it isn't worth the effort

i am the old book in the far corner of the shelf
collecting dust
if you opened me and read me
you would enjoy it
but you don't
and i remained unnoticed

Don't judge me because I complain about it
the fact of the matter is I'm not going to be happy about it
because once when you get right down to it,
no one wants to be alone.

I urge--nay, I crave to be passionate
yet I lack the passion necessary
I see myself going somewhere in life,
but i dont see the reason behind it
besides maybe satisfying the generation before me
I'm not lazy
I'm not dumb
I am just a member of the apathetic youth
and I just dont see the point of it anymore.

my feelings are fatal
my thoughts can ****

I have scars on my arms
to remind me of the harm I'm capable of

i have bruises on my knees
from leaning over the toilet

no more am i girl
now i am a drone
numb
so very numb
and empty

i woke up from a dream the other day
i dreamt no one was there for me
everyone abandoned me when i needed them most
my friends, my family, everyone
i barely made it out alive

i woke up from a dream the other day
i dreamt that i was forced to live in a place i hated
everybody in that place was a carbon copy of one another
no one cared, no one noticed
i barely made it out alive

i woke up from a dream the other day
i dreamt i was in the hospital
i had taken too many pills
my heart was racing faster than it should
i barely made it out alive


i woke up from a dream the other day
i dreamt that i was living my life
day after day of being me
living in my house, going to my school
i'm not going to make it out alive

my own body is surprising me
with how many tears
it is able to produce

my own mind is scaring me
with how many unwanted thoughts
it is able to invent

my own heart is still
surprisingly
beating

and my legs
for whatever reason
are still moving my body forward

Stripped completely of my identity
I've been robbed
I'm going crazy
And no one else has noticed

Living in an empty room
I'm losing my mind
I don't know what to do
I don't
Know
Anything

I'm being reawakened by a light
It drives me away
And into a room of nothing
I don't know anything

I'm trying to be strong
For the people around me
But how can I be?
When I'm being constantly
Torn apart from the inside

please don't do this to me
please stop telling me things
then doing the opposite
i miss you
i miss us

please don't go back to her
i want you to be happy
but i want to be the one that makes you feel it

please look at me the way you used to
i cant take it
i hate how this is
how we are

please
come back

you remind me of the bruise on the back of my leg
I dont usually notice it
until I accidentally give it a little bit of attention and I touch it.

Then it hurts. It hurts so bad.

But in actuality, the bruise is temporary, like you.

I dont like it when I search for an answer
and stumble upon ten more questions instead

I dont like hearing my name and finding out
no one called me

I dont like thinking about how you wont be here
when this all over

I found my outlet
no more room to vent

I found my solace
no more time to cry

I found my place
no more need to harm

It’s almost hard to believe how I look at you now.
We were inseparable, so close.
We did everything together.
A million memories packed into one relationship.

But now,
as I walk by you,
we don’t even make eye contact.
At first,
I was constantly reminded of our past
every time i looked at you.

I could barely be able to handle it.
It was so abrupt,
it just ended.
I wasn’t ready to accept it.

However, things change,
people change.
Now I don’t even notice,
nor am I noticed.

In a crowded room,
we aren’t pulled together
by the magnetizing effects of our relationship.

I see a thousand faces a day,
and you are just another one.

they ask me why
and i say my mind changes

the opportunity hasn't presented itself
the pickings have never been in existence

what is it to feel an emotion so strong
that you no longer know who is in control

help is here and you are going to be ok

I told myself I was fine with being alone
all this time with no one
as I pretend to be ok

I don't know how it works
a relationship
and I fear that I never will

I push people away
not on purpose
I'm just not sure how to act

anxiety
so much anxiety

the void will never fill
and I'll always be hollow