There was once a fairy who moved
In a blue-black vacuum blur, as though she owned
The absence of things and the line separating it all.
She walked thumpingly, never believing her feet
Would hit the ground, forever forgetting
The prison of her human body.

She grew, once; a fairy who moved
On a true tack towards the world below.
The absence of magic startled her so that she rejected
The line separating it all. She gave selflessly, emptying
Her magic to the earth, through
The prism of her human body.

The room is blue-bright
Like a lie or the cheap plastic of a child's cup.
The moon moves so slowly that you are confused.
The ring that you bought to replace his somehow
Shines more strongly in the sodium light.
It excites you, and that makes you ill.
You want nothing more
Than to want to waste away at his absence,
To feel betrayed that you are never enough
And so after years of bludgeoning him,
Passionlessly tracing those grooves of betrayal with memories of indignance
You decide to kick the habit.
The mind wants to reject change
But you have begun carrying exact amounts.
He won't understand, but you don't either.
All you know is that his absence is rightness.
You close the blinds and smile, alone.

I had been making pearls of my wonderment
And hiding them in boxes, but the concave heart shaped in concrete
Under the wishing silver sun just didn't seem to fit; all seemed tailor-made to remind
That I own only the poor copies of my perception
And should joyfully roll in the deep scent of the present
Like all sudden, stinky dog-love.

My heart still races with the pain of the moment
He told me he loved you, and I wanted you dead.
The hate blossomed like a shot taken straight through the sternum
And like my eyes, easier to focus the greater the distance.
I walked with great purpose, to keep moving forward.
I forced him to litanize your positive traits
One by one, I pulled them apart,
Twisted them under infected light
And devoured it all.

It took long months, but the poison of truth won out.
I sweat blood for this victory.
The pain has driven you mad,
Wild eyed and long faced like a sick horse
In the California hills you rampage.
I lament your destruction.
You are a beautiful animal.

He and I are a force, and anything in between is collateral.
Your life has been lived to be collateral.
Would that you could break my nose,
I've broken everything you are as I breathe.
Everything in me and on me has been mercilessly railed upon.
Any open shot is a cheap one, and any shot landed will be on scars.
Come.
It is time for the other women to stand their ground
And to see whose falls away.

he said,
"you laid the groundwork for my psyche.
some of the dirt on this ground is yours.
you tended the plants with me."
he took my silence for acquiescence, but it was shock.
he did not affect the pathways of my mind.
after all of it,
I just stretched a twelve month stretch
and wanted to be a doctor.

We are none of us more than a frequency,
desperately seeking a place
where the light in us can bear to be.

I have been awake for hours
Giving voice to spite and bleeding it dry
Leeching infection,
Let me tell you I love you
I do
I love you for your failures