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Anais Mostly Dec 2013
I take you down
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The controversy stands
Friends and family say nothing now
I avoid their eyes because all I see is they know


I've been unhappy now for years but didn't give up hope that if you're loyal even after massive **** ups together as a couple you can grow

They just don't tell you that you could grow into anything and not what you hope

I've been on the road awhile
Hardly see you these days

Even when I was around I barely saw you after I moved out

Silly me, not much has changed

I didn't mean to, but I met a guy

He is everything you use to be to me but better and incredibly kind

He said he wants to marry me and I want that too

But how am I going to tell you

You're self absorbed
I worry about you

I think you thought I would never really  leave

How am I going to tell you
That I'll always love you

But I'm no longer your Eve
Anais Mostly Dec 2013
I had gotten use to being lonely
He was like I god I couldn't feel or see

Lost between the lines of doctrines never meant to be understood but only for people to pretend to read

I felt my heart get heavy like a water balloon

Get set
Get ready

I'll be lighter than your empty hands soon


He said marry me

I smiled skeptically

He ran down the staircase
He moved me across states

We woke up early in the morning
He promised me all of himself and all the love we would make
Anais Mostly Oct 2013
You've got a palpable penchant  for being a legend
And guilt will start planning my  grave
Rock n roll
An article to fit the cover and first page
          
          You want a ****** poster already

 Battered comedians wearing stripper glitter,
marching to an imagined white powder      cathedral
  
You wanted the life
You wanted fame for a wife

A seedy hotel managed by mold and off brand gelatin
Shut the **** up
Instability is what the limelight is selling
Shut the **** up and save me

Behind social media
The secrets no one knows

The love that's shared by the hands that daddy issues uphold

The wreck-less sacrifices of greedy needs
Please hide our endless affection from a callous coliseum consumed public and save me
Anais Mostly Oct 2013
I'm glad that I woke up this morning
But I'm tired of feeling alone
Like I'm a monster who isn't worthy of having her king or her throne
I'm glad I have a sense of humor and people love my smile
Even though I feel worthy I haven't been in your eyes for awhile

Do you really think it gives me joy to feel
Like an old toy you just keep around

Did you really think that you could keep staying out all night and  that I would just sit around

There was a time that I needed you
Although I may still
I want more than this
More than asking you to feel a way you don't or can't
It gives me the chills

If you think I'm an evil ***** there's no point but i still try and explain
I know you've been in pain but you aren't the only one

You aren't dismissed
I know you tried but it's too late

I was wrong
I'm sorry,
but I also have a choice
and I can't be your  entertainment while you wander the streets with others

No I prefer to be alone
Anais Mostly Sep 2013
You aren't who you thought you were
It's got nothing to do with being tired

You aren't who you thought you were
It does t matter that you were fired

What's your job if it isn't your passion
What's your passion if it isn't a religion that you've succumbed to
A ritual cloaked in the guise of a miracle to  hide yourself from you

So tell me, between the ****** whispers, who the **** are you?
Anais Mostly Sep 2013
I'm away a lot more than I am home and when I'm home the happiness sets with the sun the first day I'm back

I know my life in my hometown is over
I don't have new memories to make because too much has already happened here

You call me a run away
One foot out the door from the beginning


You come off derogatory
I'm getting tired of you comparing me to my dad
He isn't that bad

I'm angry you haven't asked me to marry you, but most of  my actions show that Im bored and done with wanting that existence
I attempted it
I ******* failed  
I'm not going to wait to make you dinner like I did
That's ******* over
Besides, who gives a ring to a run away?

But I do miss you
I call everyday

We talk about how when we are together we are happy and relaxed

But I can only stand that relaxation for a day or two
I stomach the familiarity then Im ready to leave town again

Yet, You are my anchor
I come to you when I need to stop what I'm doing

I need your love to feel like me

I don't want this,
I wish I could cut myself free,
but I am the ship and you are attached to me
Anais Mostly Sep 2013
Euphoric depression

I'm lying naked in the bed and my roommates aren't home to see what they think I do when they are gone

Floating in my head
Tip toeing through my typical and boring concerns like most American women

But there is a place I can go for just a moment

And what happens in my  brain gives me the chemical energy to get up and mime my thoughts in public

Quiet black and white parade of my scars
Disappears between my second beer and the noise of excitement  in the bar
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