I was told to write a poem.
I thought it was easy
Because to me poetry is feelings  
Coming from experiences familiar to you
Until i heard we had to read them aloud
I silently freak.
Panic at the mere thought of having a glimpse of the real me exposed.
The part of me vulnerable
The part of me no ones knows
Poetry is my refuge
My safe heaven
My thoughts that are often burdens
Lifted from my shoulders to be written away from my pen
Onto paper
Ive written poems about me
Poems about
Problems
Sadness
Love
And i really don't think i'm ready
To share all this just yet

I find myself in a familiar place,
A place where I'm left to dealt with myself
And it scares me.
I scare me.
My never ending thoughts that race a hundred miles per hour,
Seemingly never giving me a break
From the exhaustion of having to think
Of all the troubles i'm handed
A burden that surrounds me
Follows me every where i turn
Until they all face me
And im cornered with all the problems
Needing to be fixed
Some belonging to others
But more often mine. 
As if life wasn't hard enough,
My brain rams it all back to me
In a cruel summary of the horrid reality i wish to escape.
But worst are the memories
Not the the ones that still haunt me to this day
But the few i recall of times that were once happy
Because with my current situation
It saddens me to think
I will never be as happy again.

Driven by emotions
Stalled by fears
Drowning in troubles
Ending in Tears

Being alone is never hard
But rarely easy.
Suffocating
In the silence of the world around you
that exists inside the walls you built
So strong, not even you can break them
Even if you tried

Trying to find a way
To talk to people you know wont listen
Because of the world you built so secluded
and the lonesome you created
In neglecting others when they were actually there

Ive realized it time to stop the blame
And turn it on myself
Because it is i who made this whole mess
That eventually backfired
always having  finding excuses to be alone
Thinking i had no one
And knowing i needed no one
But my self

I was wrong.

No one there to listen,
No one there to care.
Infused with their own
Thoughts
wishes and
sorrows

Why be a burden?
When you have yourself,
Alone to deal with the over whelming thoughts
that fill and rot your mind
Slowly but surely
Driving you over the edge.

Why be a burden?
When you have yourself.
To fall apart in
When no ones there
Having to scream at yourself
For the faults you know aren't there
But you make them up
Either way, to have someone to blame
For the sadness turning to anger and building up inside you
Until there no choice but to explode

I thought about it again tonight
The pills in my hand
So vivid
It almost seemed real.

The final decision to end it all
A mere pleasurable thought
Against the plagues of world that would soon be gone

My mother wailing
At the final sight of me
Wishing I was back
But knowing it was no use
For deep down inside
We all knew this was my intention.

Death suited me well,
an eerie smile etched across my pale face
With streaks of tears across my cheeks
in remembrance of the numb pain,
finally ended.

No longer I cared for those who I hurt
With the act of taking my own life
Because with my death
My sadness was now gone
As I finally realized
No one would care
Until my last breath
Would leave my tired lungs

So little time
For the hurt to heal
Its all to much
That I can not bear
Let it all end,
I beg now and then
Yet the suffering continues.