No one will listen no matter how much I scream
No one cares how much I bleed
They never understood
My heart will not listen
Will not allow me to hate him
Will not let me go on
Let me live
Terrified screams and agonizing tears
Years of pain and fear
All disappear
When he was my dad
When I confound him for someone who cared

The time is passing and it still feels like the first day .
The pain and the disbelief in knowing I could never see you ever again.
That I would never see your smile light up a room.
Your joy lighten the mood.
The littlest things are embedded in my heart.
When you said forever.
You accepted all the change.
You embraced the time together.
I embrace the memories now.
Because all that I have is your memory.
It's always a struggle to remind myself.
I can't call you.
I can't text you.
I can't see you.
If I could only dream of you tonight.
Just to see you if at least in my sleep.
If I could only hold you my friend.
Tell you how much exactly you mean to me.
How well we understood each other.
And the most important part of our friendship,
That was never spoken.
How much I wish I could go back and tell you.
You took a piece of my heart with you.
The days I see your face in a crowd are the hardest.
Those days for a second I think of reaching for my phone.
Those days I wish it was you.
I wish I could run up and hold you and realize I've been asleep.
But I'm falling asleep as I wish I could.
When I wake up,
it is that my heart sinks lower than before.

Day by day I'm pulled in closer
I lose myself inside her
I find myself inside her
Time flies and her beauty is still striking
Her body so perfect
Curved in all the right places
The way she moves, so graceful
Her skin so soft
Against my hands, my lips
Her smile, angelic
So bright, just right
She lights up my life
Her voice, so melodic
Still my favorite lullaby
My heart is whole with her
Dreams became realities
This goddess exists
I live for her
Breathe for her
She's mine and I'm hers.

He gets drunk
She sits home drunk
Boy was too young to understand
Girl cannot forget
Mother lies vulnerable
No break from the cycle
Bellowing with rage
Inconsequential arguments
Degrading and humiliating
Somatic defilement
Girl can only hide in fear
To see it or not makes no difference any longer
She can only cry and take more pain
He leaves
She surrenders once more
Girl has to be strong
Tries to help her mother
Her body's given up for the day

I go to bed and hope
With all my heart
Father will not return
We will live through another day
Were the cycle to break
Let it be by his absence

She used to believe in heroes.
In good people.
Change and forgiveness?
He gave her hope in all those lines.
So meaningless now.
Burned to ashes.
Though his absence is pain,
Life makes sense.
Happiness is within reach.
No more fake smiles.
She cries out of joy.
Wish to show him how little effect on them he has now.
But he's far away.
Unknown whether he breathes.
As we are to him.
His ashes are part of her.
Gone never meant forgotten.

You ask me how I feel
You say something sweet
You flirt
You say I should smile more
You say I'm sarcastic
You say I'm bitter

But do you remember shooting me down when I tried?
So I cannot tell you
Because you don't listen
I cannot show you
Because you'll run away
I cannot love you
Because you will never feel the same
I cannot smile
Because you'll make me cry
I cannot tell you something real
Because you'll laugh
I cannot be happy
Because you've hurt me too much

I cannot, should not let you in
But my heart won't let you stay out
So here I am broken again
Because I tried once more
And once more you shot me down

What defines you as a person
As a man
As a woman
It is not your money
Nor your car
It is not the house you live in
It is not the things you own
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not your weight
Nor you height
You are not defined by your job
What makes you less
Or greater than the next person
For society to make you believe
That to achieve greatness you must be rich
But riches leave you with nothing
Is a man with power any more
Likely to be better than one on minimum wage
A man makes more than he can spend
Pulls up on a 2014 Lexus
He rolls up his window
To ignore a beggar
A cashier trying to make ends meet
Pulls up on a beat up 2000 Pontiac
Running low on gas
Waiting for the next paycheck
Here's a dollar its all I got today
And all I got
Is more than what he has
He gets to eat a hamburger today
Because of that last dollar
So your money can mean it all for you
So you think you're a big success
But you are not defined by your money

In Your arms
I first felt the smallest
The weakest
The most insignificant
The ugliest
So flawed

In your arms
I first felt the greatest
The strongest
Most important
Most Beautiful
So perfect

In your arms only
Have these emotions
Mixed so perfectly
To let me fall before you
To be all for you
For you to be all for me
To love you
With my heart
In Your hands

If you were to fall
I would pick you up
If you were to cry
I'd make you smile
If you were to lose
I'd let you win
If you were to fail
I'd give you victory

the only thing in life that never changes
is that everything always changes
trust
i gave you my all
you gave me all lies
love
i changed for you
you kept changing me
out stretched so far
into only what you wanted
to make you smile
make you proud
while i suffered
then surrendered
i lost it all
i lost you
i knew from the start
but kept trying
just to make you smile

Well again it's my favorite day of the year
A day I get to celebrate you
I get to thank you for all that you've done
To tell you how I see your hard work
I will always remember all our family trips
All our weekends together
And how they were perfect because you're
The one that made it all l happen
I will always have with me
All that you've taught me
Thank you for the times I was grounded
And thank you for the rewards when I fought through
You're the one that holds all our weight
How could we ever get by without you...

I'll tell you how exactly
Even in the years that you were there
You were never really there
All the problems were actually you
You being gone is even better than you being here
How can you possibly call yourself a dad
All you really did was help conceive
How could I celebrate you
What would I even have to say to you
You never taught me anything a father would

I could thank you though
Thank you for leaving
That may be the only thing you did right in our life
You left my mom with no option
She had to be the strong one
The one that grounded me
Because yea I was a bad kid
I was a mess just thinking I needed you
But you know what
Now I know how much I really don't
She's the one that did all the hard work
Just so she could reward me when I fought through
She's the one that holds our weight
She's the one we could never get by without
So today is a bitter sweet kind of day
And in the end it's ok
Cuz right beside me is the most wonderful father anyone could ask for
So Happy Father's day mom

Hey my little one I hope that as you're reading this life is treating you good.
I promise when I get out of here I'm gonna take you..
I promise when I get out we're gonna go do..
I promise I'm gonna be there..*

All your letters
All the same
All through the years

All meaning is void
Just letters making up words
I know so well not to believe
Yet here I am hopefully waiting
On something I fear may never be
They tell me stories
They share their experiences
But none will change
What you have already done
They tell me to love you
But they don't know how much I do
So much
I often wish I didn't
For you
Are the cause of my pain
But I could never hate you
And you could never say
I haven't tried
But all your words are empty
In my heart
All you left
Is a hole
Big enough
To make sure
No one could
Replace what you took

We speak of You
Sing of Your glory
We are awed by Your greatness
We go by trying to convince this world
That what we do is live for You
But we contradict our outspoken love
Share a picture
In the morning something depicting Your love
At night something to fill another heart with lust
Social media shows our double mindedness
Yet we are not ashamed
We preach sin and forgiveness
But we do not speak of how much better we should be
Go and tell a stranger they should learn the truth
And we turn around and share our sins
We wonder why the world can't see past us
Why can't they see that we are human not perfect
But they do see what we share
And we are not sharing Your love
So how do we preach what should be
And not live more like it?
How can we convince a stranger
Or a loved one
To be more like you, Jesus
If we are not edifying ourselves
But putting You to shame

You give me reason to live
When I make you smile
Vanity fades at your side
Yet I feel beautiful
I am happy to just be with you
There is no life without you
You are my life
I will forever love you
And stand by you