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Ana Llanes Jan 2014
V
Beautiful soul
Taken over by pain
Overwhelmed with love
And no one to respond
You hide so well
What you truly feel
But to know
In my heart
To see your pain
In your eyes
You smile
But your eyes
Tell a different story
Your solution
Wrong
To take something
So precious
To take a life
To leave this pain
Only to wish
To have you
In my arms
If only one last time
If only to tell you
How much I really loved you
How I really cared
If I could only stop you
Take away everything
That caused your pain
Best friend
Your place
In my heart
Will never know
Time
To take your memories
Ana Llanes Oct 2011
You ask me how I feel
You say something sweet
You flirt
You say I should smile more
You say I'm sarcastic
You say I'm bitter

But do you remember shooting me down when I tried?
So I cannot tell you
Because you don't listen
I cannot show you
Because you'll run away
I cannot love you
Because you will never feel the same
I cannot smile
Because you'll make me cry
I cannot tell you something real
Because you'll laugh
I cannot be happy
Because you've hurt me too much

I cannot, should not let you in
But my heart won't let you stay out
So here I am broken again
Because I tried once more
And once more you shot me down
Ana Llanes Sep 2010
I wish you'd realize how much we needed you growing up.
How simple our lives could've been.
But I guess that doesn't matter, does it?
You're off with your new woman trying to have your kid.
While we wait here and hope to get better.
You've been the cause all along.
Yes that one small mistake changed our whole future.
And I see you don't even bother to ask.
See you had the chance
To do good.
And to be good.
To us and our mother.
But you chose them and now you're just gone.
Not that you were ever really there.
I gotta say that's a great choice you made there daddy.
To go out and get caught doing what you do.
When you should've been home!
You could've been good daddy.
But i guess it comes back to the same deal.
You made the wrong choice.
I hope I didn't forget to tell you, but
Hey dad I'm depressed.
Yea daddy they put me on meds and everything.
You wanna know why?
Well I guess you don't.
But I'll tell you anyway.
You remember those nights we spent with you?
Yea that first summer in Mexico.
Remember what you used to do late at night?
Well daddy it came back and hit me even harder.
You see my friends laughed and joked around.
About that one word.
And well dad that day I was hospitalized cuz I had a panic attack in the middle of class.
Oh another thing
My arms, they look great.
Yea you know with scars all over them cuz I'm oversensitive.
I wonder why that is daddy
Well my birthdays coming up
I hope you remember to call since its the only time I get to hear your voice.
Ana Llanes Sep 2010
You give me reason to live
When I make you smile
Vanity fades at your side
Yet I feel beautiful
I am happy to just be with you
There is no life without you
You are my life
I will forever love you
And stand by you
Ana Llanes Sep 2010
He gets drunk
She sits home drunk
Boy was too young to understand
Girl cannot forget
Mother lies vulnerable
No break from the cycle
Bellowing with rage
Inconsequential arguments
Degrading and humiliating
Somatic defilement
Girl can only hide in fear
To see it or not makes no difference any longer
She can only cry and take more pain
He leaves
She surrenders once more
Girl has to be strong
Tries to help her mother
Her body's given up for the day

I go to bed and hope
With all my heart
Father will not return
We will live through another day
Were the cycle to break
Let it be by his absence
Ana Llanes Sep 2010
No one will listen no matter how much I scream
No one cares how much I bleed
They never understood
My heart will not listen
Will not allow me to hate him
Will not let me go on
Let me live
Terrified screams and agonizing tears
Years of pain and fear
All disappear
When he was my dad
When I confound him for someone who cared
Ana Llanes May 2010
the only thing in life that never changes
is that everything always changes
trust
i gave you my all
you gave me all lies
love
i changed for you
you kept changing me
out stretched so far
into only what you wanted
to make you smile
make you proud
while i suffered
then surrendered
i lost it all
i lost you
i knew from the start
but kept trying
just to make you smile
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