At times I sit and think of you.
Where you are?
What your life is like?
And who you’ve come to be?
I sit and think of all that could have been
I picture being where you are
Living life by your side
Being the one you choose to love.
I think of all the things we could share.
Every sunset we could see.
All the meals together we’d prepare.
Making memories everywhere.
I sat today and thought of you and me
Shut my eyes to see
You not here, not any where near,
And every moment that possibly,
will never be.
I sat and thought today how I miss you anyway!

Hello Darkness
Here we are again. I noticed you’re return.
It’s cold, so cold and everything is so dark and grey. Why have you come back to me?
Dreadful Darkness, **** you’ve trapped me once more. I can’t , **** I just cant, seem to get out of my head. Negative thoughts and dark shadows cloud my brain. Can’t even picture sunny days.
It’s sad, just so very sad to feel this undone. Youve come to break, you’ve come to destroy. My heart, I don’t believe can take much more.
Darkness, you ******* wicked *****, you came again to bring me so much pain. It’s just wrong, so very ******* wrong how you shatter my world. Loosing my voice, my power, to let fear set in. God, why must you always win?
I can’t sit here and pretend, you’ve had no effect on me, when you’ve made pieces of everything important, everything I’ve work hard to build.
**** Darkness, you selfish *****. Why must you continue to  **** with me? You just can’t see. I’m tired of sadness, tired of pain. And Sick to death of what you’ve made of me. I no longer want to be alone.
Oh Darkness, please just please
Quit your ******* with me.

For a while now, I haven’t been able to get back on my own. It’s been hard to get on with my life. I find myself always lost in thought, my conscience curses at my regrets, negative clouds blocking positive rays of light in my mind, weakening my soul making me feel worthless, I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, Nothing feels real anymore, not even pain.I can’t call this living, but I’m not even sure I’m existing, I just know I’m not dead. How did I get so trapped in my head? Allowing darkness to consume me, draining away any little joy, left to feel empty,cold, and alone! ****! When did I get here?

so much on my mind, so much weighing down on my heart, this endless insanity. The fool you’ve made of me, the pathetic **** I dealt with, you’ve taken advantage of what we could be. Of course you can’t see this, I will not allow you to see my truth, I alone suffer this misery. Remembering broken promise and empty dreams, ******* images and hollow words of all the stupid **** you said would be. It has finally come, you know, finally some clarity. Now I’m free. So *******, the ******* lies, and games that almost broke me.

Seeing you would make my day, to hear you say my name, wrap your arms around me, would fill my soul.
Oh, how I wish to be yours.
I hate that I can’t hold you, hate that we can’t be, so frustrating this need.
God, I miss your eyes fixated on me.
Laying up at night thinking of you, wishing you could kiss me, picturing, what could be our intimacy.
****. Id give anything to be yours.
I hate that I miss you, hate that I want you, can’t stand this yearning.
****! I wish i could touch you.
So close but so far, here I am and there you are, wanting and needing for us to be free, for some tracing and exploring of our bodies,
**** it! Why can’t this be?

We spoke about us, not the easiest conversation to be had. we let out and shared feelings and emotions, no ones intention was to be harsh but not every word or sentence was easy to say. we both know things needed to be said.
6 years in and all this unhappiness should be a sin, love isnt lacked but understanding is, things are a mess, your fault and mine, our team efforts were more you, then I, never a we or an us.  Maybe we just went about us all wrong, i lost myself and my power in a world we created, you became so comfortable there too. Motivation, support, communication and understanding became less and less important there,in this world we created all I have to do is exist and you are content, in this world I became only a mom and a wife, being just human or a woman was no more. Everything for the family, no time for just mommy, while daddy is always at work. We both agree now, this isn’t ok.
In 6 years we’ve said **** our individuality and just existed. We both wanted so much more. I try to motivate you as best I can, but you forget to do so back. I support you in whatever, you have trouble showing me support, I express my feeling and wait to hear yours, you just look at me and say  “I love you and I’m sorry”, i always try to be understanding, and sometimes you do too. God were both just ******* tired. it’s become an unbroken cycle, ******* upon *******. And I’m ******* sick of repeating this. No more pause, rewind, and play lets just make a change. Because in 6 years you’ve become my best friend, even when its been cloudy you’ve always been there for me. Whether I’m here, there or anywhere’s that will always matter. But maybe we need space so that we can grow, I love you baby but I want more, so maybe I just need to go.