Your smile makes my mind blank.
Never thought this feeling would ever be real.
I've become alive once again.
You brought a light into my cold heart.
Thank you for seeing what I always hope people would see.
You can't save me and I can't save you
But we can help each other by constantly praying for one another.  
I believe that you compliment me and I compliment you.
I will try not to look so deep into the words you say.  
Reading between the lines it's what I've been taught.
I know I can't make you pay for the past I was dealt.
But never once thought you would want to stay and be part of my future.

I've learned a lot this year.  
I've learned that things don't always go the way we want them to go.  
That life is not always gonna hand you roses.  
That you make your family.  
That my best friends have continually given me and Audi love even when I push them away.
That God is the only way I'm gonna get through the darkest moments.
That it's ok to cry.
That a broken heart will fix it itself over time.
That my normal has shattered and I have to make a new normal.
That my family has been my rock.
That my husbands best friends miss Maynard as much as I do.
That my husbands best friends have stepped up on more then one occasion to be there for Audi and for me.
That I love hugs! Lol
That Audi is the reason I'm still alive
That true saying that your heart breaks when your kids are hurting.
That Maynard will be missed by so many.
That I'm a good mom.
That my parents have far exceeded making Audi and I feel loved.
That I am a strong single mom!  And I can do this and I have to do this.

I might not have ever scaled the highest mountain
Or fed bears in the woods
Or even sky dived
But I have loved and
I have been striped down to what you see before you right now
I am completely broken
I am numb
And I am begging someone to take this hurt away from me
I pray my daughter never knows how her daddy died
Sure one day I'll have to explain it to her
The sad story of how the love of our life left this earth w his wings
But until then I have to paste a smile on my face and sparkles in my eyes
Bc she knows something's not right
And I never want her to blame herself
I am the one that will be blaming myself til the end of time.

I need you
I can't do this without you
Why did you leave me like this
I'm so lonely and numb
You are the other half of my soul
And now I'm empty
I am so mad at you
I love you so much
I'm lost so lost
I miss the little smiles
Even the jokes you would play
Why did you have to leave