My first year of life I had no home
While I was with others, I still felt alone.
Living with the fear of rejection
Getting denied after each inspection
“She has a heart problem” once that was said
They would put me down, and find someone else instead
If you went there you would find
Metal cribs lined row by row
Filled with children who can not grow.
We had to live with the awful smell
I never cried even if I fell
Without heat, we are freezing
And the sick children are sneezing
My body- skin and bones
Skin so pail, hair like straw
I suffered in silence with out a ma, and pa
Then a special couple traveled really far-a
To adopt a baby from Samara
They came to get just one more
So instead of three kids they’d have four
They went to orphanage 2, that’s where I was,
And I had a special feeling because
I could tell by the way she looked at me, that I was gonna be part of her family
As I leave my eyes are focused on my new mothers face
All the while I am thinking about who I am leaving in this place
So tonight say a prayer for those I left behind,
because their lives are harsh and unkind.

I sit alone in room 207
Solitude yields to the white coat, red lipstick: A clown
Who grabs me and smirks raising the needle
Driving it into my arm, leaving me swimming through space
In an empty room. No color, No nothing
It starts to happen again

A spinning teacup going around and around and around till I am nauseous
Pleading for it to stop. I try to get off, but the door is locked
No one understands, how could they? I am on the ride all-alone
And the calliope music is crushing me

Reeling dizzy down the empty strip
I stumble into the house of glass, my image changing with every step
A kaleidoscope of faces presses in,
Elephants ivory tusks hover above, startled by the lions echoing roar,
I fall back on to the screeching monkeys cage.
A rich scent of funnel cakes press onto me
My tongue pink, blue and gritty from the cotton candy

The calliope music grinds, off key

I am the popcorn kettle, the kernels, popping, popping, popping,
I can’t take it; it is getting hot, its burning, the smoke fills the airs

It fills my nose, and the smells are gone
Everything is white. Not cloud white, hospital white
The Caliope draws its final breath,
I sit alone in room 207

Her high school experience was a dream
He got into every college he applied to
They have lead wonderful lives  
I have hit some road bumps, but I'm the lucky one

She has got a good job
He got grad school paid for
Their love is invincible
I've got nothing, yet I'm the lucky one

She has an amazing boyfriend
he's got the greatest friends in the world
They have each other
Its just me, yet I'm the lucky one

they have both left, they are living on their own, and doing well
Im still at home with mom and dad, with their rules
yet I'm the lucky one

Life has sent me on a roller coaster, I don't like roller coasters
Finding true friends, is like finding a four leaf clover, I've never been to good at that
through all this, Im still the lucky one

How can this be possible,
The reason is in the reason I'm not. The luck is not because of experience, its not the past, or the future.  
My family, my friends, the memories, the love
this is the explanation.
All of these things, Make me the Lucky one.

There are houses, cars, and roads
I see overstuffed neighborhoods, bumper to bumper traffic, and miles of construction,
There are parks, pools, and athletic fields
I see neglected swings, empty chairs, and torn up grass
As I ascend, everything becomes smaller
From up here the world looks like a lonely child's play set

In an instant everything is gone
All that can be seen is white
I have now entered another level

Up here life is simple: as if the sky has created a new world
Up here the cars flow on flawless streets. There are homes with big back yards
Up here the slide is always occupied. There are cannibal contests, and victory laps
Up here there are no more honking horns or nagging parents
Up here: the biggest decision is peanuts or pretzels


I can't stay forever, in time I must return to the world I belong
How I wish to stay in this utopia, even for a day.
What good is dreaming for the impossible.
The end near approaching, i become numb
The crackling of the captains voice as he announces, "65 and sunny" acts as my anesthesia
Preparing me for the jolt return.

The return to barren fields, and traffic
The return to empty swings and covered pools
The return to conflict and family
The return to a place called home

The same thing keeps happening
over, and over and over
its non stop

Everyday
its like its following me
how does it know

Why does this one idea keep recurring,
its like a bad dream or the most dreaded song on repeat

This one past event, that will haunt me forever
a decision gone wrong, thats all it was

You told me the consequences, but I did it anyway
you probably laugh now, seeing what has happened
wanting so bad to tell me, you were right along
and how this one decision, this past event, this recurring idea is all my fault

Don't kid yourself

He feels the hurt too.
He wont admit it, He says he is fine, but
the same thing keeps happening to him,
over, and over and over
He remembers it everyday
the same idea keeps recurring in his head
we are stuck with the same bad dream
The past event that haunts us forever
It was not just a decision gone wrong now was it

What we had was real, and we were both to blind to see it
Now that it is clear, it is too late.