The sky was filled with cumulonimbus clouds as they threatened to give way any time. Looking out of the window, I let out a little sigh.
Picking up my cup of cappuccino, I sipped it while opening a new tab to my email inbox.
The clouds remind me of you.
I hope you’re doing fine.
Things have been different ever since you went away, but I’m still trying to adjust to the current situation.
I remembered how I had first met you when you came to the bar where I was working as a barista.
It was raining that day and the café had fewer customers as compared to usual days.
You came in with an expressionless face and chose to sit at the furthest end of the counter – away from most of the crowd.
Shivering a little, you made eye contact with me and called me over.
You ordered something on the café’s hidden menu – Espresso with a hint of milk.
That was when we first started conversing.
“May I have an espresso with a hint of milk?”
“I’m surprised.”
“Sorry?”
“This is your first time coming here, isn’t it? Yet you are aware of our hidden menu.”
“I’m more surprised by how you’d know it’s my first time here.”
I brought your order and you gave me a smile so bright it stunned me.
It was really different from when you first stepped into the café.
“I like it here.”
I returned a smile and went back to my job.
From then on, you came quite often.
I’m not sure if it’s because you liked the atmosphere in the café but I was indeed elated to see you make return trips here.
Slowly, we started to chat more often whenever you came over and found out more about each other.
I loved animals.
You didn’t really take a liking to them.
Both of us love the aroma of coffee beans.
I hated whipped cream.
You loved it.
I liked bright colours.
You liked the monochrome range.
Your parents were hardly home.
My parents were always home.
I had siblings.
You were an only child.
I trusted people easily.
You never did until you really know them.
I liked being in a crowd.
You preferred solitude.
I joked that it’s because you liked solitude which was why you chose this particular seat.
You grinned at me, not saying a word.
Yet I knew what you wanted to say.
That’s right, Bingo.
You’d only order Espresso with a hint of milk.
It was always the same.
When we had few customers, I’d just lean on the counter and talk to you, watch you sip your espresso gracefully and letting out a contended sigh.
“I love the espresso here.”
“But why do you want a hint of milk in it?”
“I wanted to cover up part of the bitterness.”
“That’s so weird.”
“But that’s how I like my espressos.”
“Hmmm~ I only drink cappuccino.”
“And you’re working as a barista in a café. That’s weirder.”
“No it isn’t!”
I guess it was your queerness that attracted me.
After a period of time, we got closer and closer to each other.
That was also when we started going out for meals whenever I had the day off.
We built an unbreakable bond over the years.
But we were forced to separate.
Neither of us had control over it.
You
Just
Left.
Things just changed.
I was in too much shock to respond when I heard what happened to you.
I tried to deny things.
But it was impossible.
I’d never have you by my side ever again.
I have been trying to comfort myself ever since then, telling myself that you would still be somewhere out there.
Watching over me.
Protecting me.
I hope you’re doing fine.
Maybe I’d meet you some day.
If only Heaven accepted e-mails, I’d send you one everyday.
P.S. I really miss you.
P.P.S. A lot.