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5/5
it's not necessarily
that I want to go to sleep,
I just don't want
to be awake
-
I am sorry
I wish I could make it easier
This is not a test
We both know the truth
I have you in my heart, I want your loving real
I am sorry
The love we could conjure is just that-
An indescribable illusion, masterfully crafted
But
It is not grabbable
I will not spoil my mind
Only to starve my body, heart and soul
The sight of you brings light into every essence of me
But it is torture
It is pain to parade our minds in front of my lonely body
I am sorry
If your mind disallows you from understanding
I am sorry
I love you too much
I treasure our true love
Too much
Too much to denounce it to the space and time and viewing of so many
Our love is special
Our love is true
Our love is deep
Our love is wonderful
Our love is electric
Our love is illuminating
Let our love be real.
I had no idea that my family wasn’t perfect,
All you let me see were the lies,
I was ignorant to the truth,
But still, I was happy.

You hurt her,
My only protector,
But I thought she was evil.
In my eyes you were God,
But secretly, you were the devil.

Now I see the tears,
The ones she refused to show in my presence.
She fought for my happiness.
She suffered for my smile.
And you let me believe she was evil.

But I was ignorant,
I was blind.
I was just a little girl,
Who had her own little world.
He was pale. Opaque,
His skin the color
Of a ghost.
For, that's what he was.

I could see right through him
As he moved in front of me.

He was so close,
Right before my eyes.

I wanted to reach out,
Grab him and pull him close.

I wanted to rest my head
Over his exposed chest.

I could see his heart beating
Behind his clear, glass, translucent shell.

For a moment,
He was still alive;
Until I reached
For his hand,

And couldn't feel his wrinkled grasp.
 May 2013 Ammad Khalid
Evynne
I feel like a monster holding a flower in the cup of my hand
So tender, so prepossessing
Before you came into my life, I feared nothing
But now, now, all I fear is myself
And in all honesty, I am so afraid
I don't want to crush you
I don't want to promise anything I cannot keep
But I can assure you, I will be everything I can, for as long as I can
And I can only hope that is enough
I know you are so willing to love, and I know you probably won't like to know that I cannot surrender to love
I am terrified of the words, "I love you"
But I want this
I want you
I want us
I want this with every fiber of my being
I want to be able to love you
Give me time, for I am more damaged than you will ever know
I need time to heal
The only thing I ask from you is your patience
You are so wonderful and I know you do not deserve to put up with someone as broken as I, but never leave
Don't give up on me darling, please

— The End —