black coffee right when I wake up
two ice cubes to cool it quicker
& a cigarette to drink it with
looking out
over my surroundings
bleary & unfocused
honestly, still cross-eyed
mesmerized by the way the trees move
the bird's disagreements,
their restless indecisive curiosity
& the swiftness of the cloud's divorce.

anxiety attacks like
volcanic eruptions
buildup unbreakable.
the explosion is
the worst kind of release
it seems like the scariest
part but don't forget
the fallout
the devastation of
any living thing
nearby.

the prettiest woman in the room is
a little blonde girl
flower in her hair
sports jacket on
quietly listens to music &
entertains herself
by studying all the
loud adults around her
I don't know
what the question
in her eyes is
but
I wish
she would ask
me.


her father
sitting across from her
is a man
who at first glance
exudes boredom
but upon further inspection
the sad way
he holds his mouth
& looks down his nose
at the magazine that keeps him
mildly captivated
give him away;
wanted a beauty salon,
settled for Avon.

lying in bed
teddy bear in one hand
& cigarette in the other
maybe my whole life is
this dialogue of me:
on the search for a
Holy Comfort Blanket
and
and
it must be a comedy
like all the kid's shows
where it doesn't matter
if a character dies,
the next episode
is a new story
    same ending.

crimson ribbons round your leg
delicate trails
quickly blurred
make you feel better yet?

nah, wipe it down
wash away
pale pink feathering reminders
all I need. never regret.

drinking alone & unwise at the table
watch me tremble; shook from the core
I say you're lonely, you say I'm unstable
I give all I have & you ask me for more.

⁢'s hard for me to breathe
through the needles & pins
hard for me to see
I'm giving in
you would love if you could be
a little under my skin
it's hard for me to see
I'm letting you win.

sinking inside in a fisherman's stable
cigarette ashes cover the floor
I try not to need you & find I'm unable
I give all I have & you ask me for more.

⁢'s hard for me to breathe
through the needles & pins
hard for me to see
I'm giving in
you would love if you could be
a little under my skin
it's hard for me to see
I'm letting you win.

oh, what a beautiful day:
I know that I won't always feel this way.
oh, this ocean I'm in;
I've already decided I won't swim.
I've already decided I won't swim.

losing myself in the old rhymes & fables
a candle to fend off my wandering mind
I told you I loved you, laid my heart on the table;
that's not what I got so I'll burrow inside.

how many pills does it take
to trick a mannequin into
believing she's real?

how long was the child
hungry before he
started to steal?

how much sun
can you take before
your skin peels?

how many promises
will I break
before I seal the deal?