we take up space
and fill our lungs
with water, like
children, choking,
under gravity

when we walked
to the edge
did we plan
on sinking?
or swimming?

interstellar plans
took us far from home
but in the end,
i think this is where
we always belonged

On occasion,
I have been driven to acts of extreme nonviolence
by those who have expected the opposite of me

There is nothing quite like
the sound
of a father's dismay
at his son
who refuses to strike him
despite his deepest wishes,

Or the relief in a girl's voice
after promising,
without her asking,
to never abuse her.

I think something is wrong with me.
For I am only violent in my music.
Is grunge what life is suppose to feel like?

Is that what my best friend hears
every day he shuffles past
loose bottles and snapped belts
to crawl into bed,
hoping to not distrub the presence
which gave him life?
A presence still snoring out the whimpers of his little brother?

Did my dad hear bass tabs
when he told his abused siblings that
"there ain't no way I'mma treat my children like he did us?"
I wonder,
does he still hear them?

Are howls and chords what the boys in bathroom stalls
playgrounds
hallways
classrooms
my bedroom
my porch
my basement
hear when they make me taste the ground?

Can the violence of soundwaves really be mistaken
for the passage of time?
Does life truly deserve a Grammy for
Best Harrowing Performance?

Is life really just one big mosh pit?

...

On occasion
I have been driven to acts of extreme forgiveness
by those who deserved only a little

All they had to do was ask
and that is what scared them

The stains on my phone screen spell out your name when prompted
You make the smudges worth a smile

The dictionary does not list Technicolor as an adjective
It should

You have dominated the creative process of every video game in recent memory
How does it feel to mount dragons, **** them, be them?

The coat you gave me should remind me of Cobain and the CDs which grooves are ingrained in my mind
Why does it only remind me of you?

You could convince me to pick up rat poison
If it meant enjoying the high with you

I would stay on the roundabout, always turning
If it meant you could enjoy the stillness
My arms in their circular pattern
And forget about hating yourself until the tires blew

Fam

"yas *****," I would say
Only to be dismissed away
Looking him in the eyes wondering
How dare you frown upon me
As if I'm the beast unseen
You came to my home stripped me of my joy
***** and killed my family
Holding me captive as a prison of war
How dare you frown upon me
As if I'm the beast unseen
You forced my daughter to cry
As you hauled off her last bit of hope
At least I have some dignity
Though it seems my pride has been lost deep within green
Where the blue skies don't feel darker than coal
How dare you frown upon me
As if I'm the beast unseen

Oceans deep,
and seas do swell.
How will we ever survive ourselves?

Fell into chasms devoid of light.
Provided a ladder to climb our way out.

No one ever asked for life,
but given what we've got,
we're obliged to make it right.

So send me a soul with its pieces awry.
I'll find a place for my own as I try to assemble these feelings into some sort of grace.
Break us again and I'll chalk it up to an obscure determination of fate.

I never asked for any of this.
Please send help.
Give me some bliss.
I'm drowning myself.
Come rescue me, quick.

All of my quests have left me diminished.
Leave it to me to start what I can't finish.
On to the next one to pick up the reigns.
We've only got so long before we're driven insane.

Silly silly silly silly silly silly girl.
Don't talk to me;
your voice destroys my world.