Bury all your past thoughts of me in your backyard, press down on their graves with the palm of your hand just to touch what's left of me. Water the flowers with the tears that you keep hidden, let something beautiful blossom from your broken heart. Whisper your secrets into the ground where all that I am remains, tell me the things you were too scared to, all the things you wanted to say too soon. If I ever throw out my memories maybe I'll send them back to you, in a nearby silence or a faraway dream. Maybe you'll decide to keep one, maybe it'll be the day you told me you liked the way the light hit my face, or that time you touched all the bruises left on my ego and replaced my fear with something comfortable. I still recall the way I undressed myself in front of you until I was nothing but a silhouette of naked emotion and vulnerability. I ripped the cage off my heart, I exposed parts of myself to you that I had been trying so hard to keep locked away. I didn't think you were going to hurt me. I thought I knew your hands better, the tone of your voice. So gentle in the way you used to touch me, used to tell me that everything would be okay. I know you wanted to hold on longer, that you knew I would break once I fell, and I know that you're sorry but please don't kiss me apologetically. Do you remember that afternoon when my anxiety came in high tide and I was on my knees drowning? Do you remember the way you looked past me and spoke to the sea, how you whispered softly until I could breathe again? Now all I can think about is how the last thing you said to me is still caught in my throat, and how I feel like I'm drowning again but this time everything around me feels so ******* cold.

there's this place near my old school, i used to walk past it all the time and admire it, and then one day when i was tired and sick i went inside to seek comfort. i figured, so many people had passed by this place, this bridge, this path that lead to the unknown; and maybe never once stopped to learn it's roads. so i decided to explore it, i crossed the bridge and then kept walking, i knew by now i was completely out of sight from the universe, submerged in this new world, engulfed by what it had to offer. i walked along a forgotten path, rediscovered the beauty that was so close to the surface but hidden just inside. I observed the intricate details of this new place; the quiet, the sad. i listened to all the stories it had to tell, the ones it hadn't told anybody in so long. i stayed, because i think it was important to the place, i think it wanted me to be there. i could have sworn that something blossomed the day i caressed the forgotten bones of it's majesty, so many things have always lived inside here but i think i helped give it a new kind of life, the kind that makes the rain less cold on your skin. and it did rain that day, and i sought cover where it could not be offered, and upon exiting this land of dreams and a warped sense of reality, i saw the sign that read 'Danger: do not enter' and although i knew it better now, i never went back to that place again.

– a cold flame
– a poem with no words
– coffee that's too sweet
– perfume that's just water
– flowers that aren't real
– a damp packet of cigarettes
– an empty ocean
– six candles burning the wrong way up
– a book without pages
– a sleepless sunday
– some place dark but not quite lonely

you can feel it
in your chest
as it threatens to burst
from behind your ribcage
it takes away your breath
if only this had tasted sweet

but sweet words
don't make your
hands shake anymore
they don't make
your heart race
or your stomach flutter

and love,
this isn't love.
this is anxiety.

as much as you want
you can call it beautiful
call it magical
call it mystical
and bask in
the glory of it's light
the light of it's glory

glow underneath it's hollow mouth
dripping silver onto your skin
let it burn through your flesh
to that sick ghost of a soul
and let it wash away
the blood from all of the
versions of yourself you tried
to ****

and let it light up
those empty glass eyes
like someone took
too many shots from them
and got dizzy
but you're the one
whose head is spinning

and hold on to the hope
that one day you'll be
pure enough to perch upon
that holy mountain
the shining angel
and call it your home

when you know you deserve
the pull of gravity as it
holds your brittle bones
down in the earth
like it's trying to punish you

when you feel it
in the back of your skull
every time someone steps on your grave

but tell yourself that it'll be worth it
if you can feel the cold hand of majesty
reach out and touch you
when the sun crawls
beneath the blanket of the ocean
each night

if you asked me why
my favorite color is blue
i wouldn't say it's because
it always reminds me of you.
i wouldn't tell you that it's like
waking up before the sun
like being trapped inside a daydream
where spring will never come.
blue that's taken for granted
when people see it every day
blue that no one cares about
until the sky turns grey.
blue like the veins in your body
like rivers under your skin
blue like the depths of my soul
dark like what's found within.