Stubborn and strong
He walked through the world
often misunderstood
For there was always a smile, a smirk
under that serious exterior of his
A heart
full of love
A passion
for the simple things in life

As though it were yesterday
I recall
walking on the boardwalk
trolling across the glassy bay
driving for hours
on our way to nowhere
in seach of ourselves

I hear his voice in my mind
Mighty and deep, yet cracked by life and time
Jokes and stories, reassurance and advice
I search for them there
When I need to smile
When I need to be brave
When I search for answers
I can't find on my own

And now as I write
A tear makes its way down my cheek
Though he's so far away
He's so close in my heart
Freed from a life that ended in sickness and pain
He's so alive withiin me
it's been years since his obnoxious snore awakened the whole house
it's been years since his laughter filled the room
It's been years since he held my tiny hand
And made my world seem alright

I am who I am
Becasue of who he taught me to be.

I used to have a perfect friend
Who was special in every way
Someone to share my dreams with
Someone to tell my secrets to
Someone to fill my mind with ease
As I drifted to sleep at night

Someone who shared my sorrow
And had sorrow of their own
Someone I could be vulnerable with
Who had insecurities of their own

But my special friend has gone
I'm not sure what he's become
Someone who is angry
Someone who is bitter
Someone who could be so much more
If only he'd give it a try

Someone who had my friendship
And tossed it to the side
But...
We're working on it.

What are you
Five years old?

I surpassed your games long ago.
You sit in your lonely room
Hundreds of pretend friends
but really it's only you.

I walk through the woods
I smell the salty air
I feel the moisture of the water enveloped by my pores
The earth is a part of me
I share all of me with the many
who love me.

Who do you have?
No one.
Your keyboard.
Your webcam.
Your cat.
No one.

Grow the hell up.  
I'll be living my life
while you dwell in your darkness.

I met someone today
Someone I've known forever, yet never really known
she was a beautiful girl, yet she wrapped
       herself in a blanket of insecurity
She was a determined girl, yet dependant on
      everyone but herself
She was an affectionate girl, yet gave love to all but
       those who were derserving
She was an eloquent girl, yet she impressed
       for all the wrong reasons
I stood in the mirror, staring at her, staring at me
And all I thought was how very little I envied her
How self-concious and plain and naive she was
I looked at her and decided
We'd never meet again.

I could lose myself
in her soft green eyes
in her dimples when she smiles
in the little hints of baby that are still clinging
to her face.

I could lose myself
in her infectious laugh
in her deep, giggly voice
in the scent of her hair that smells like shampoo,
and sweat, and ketchup

I could lose myself
in her dreams of glitter and princes
in her songs that make no sense
in her stories that go on, and on,
and on

I could lose myself
in thoughts of who she'll be one day
in thoughts of her hopes and dreams
in thoughts of the boy
who will steal her heart.

I watch her as she sleeps
her breath even and slow
her face so soft and serious
I lay here next to her,
and I get lost.

Isn't it insane,
this suffering, this pain?
Some live truly to live
Others want only to die
People who long to take
from others who will cry

There is no one to blame
Life is just a game
Humans are tiny chess pieces
scattered about a board
Separate, yet intertwined
They never last forever

Have you ever lied
to get what you want?
Do you live in regret
of life's many wrongs?

We cheat, we steal
We wound, we heal
We're gone just as fast as we got here
Where will we be one hundred years from now?
Dead, gone, forgotten
No one will be remembered
No one at all
Old ancient pictures lost
in old dusty drawers.

Like water through the pores
        of the land
I run through you

Like a worker on and endless
        line
I am constant

Like blood pulsing through the veins
        of your body
I am life

Old paneled walls, worn and weathered
Infinite grains of sand littering my wood floors
The mud that dirties my pant legs on a rainy day
Slimy, soggy, mold-ridden bananas
Rot, Rotten, Rotted
All lead to the essence of brown.

Who are you?
Peeking out from behind
Those dark daring eyes
Waiting
     Hoping
          Knowing
Life will soon begin
Something new, different
Away from the dullness
That surrounds you

Who are you?
Behind that face of gold
Your heart pounding
Desires reaching out
Waiting
     Hoping
          Knowing
Something new will overcome
Changing that golden tone
Shedding light on what remains

Chameleon blue eyes
that transform to the shade of my mood
cesspools of dark that long for sleep

Lips plain and pink
tight with dryness
crying to be clothed with chap-stick

A nose that screams for attention
large and proud
awkwardly placed on a small face

Skin that reminds me of
Amber