here you go...
here is my heart.
wrapped in ribbons and shiny
paper.

it took a while to find it again.
i had to dig through broken glass
and wire.

but, with ****** hands

i present you my heart.

i know it doesn't look like much
but it holds untold stories, shared
secrets and scars
that should be long forgotten

i've been told it's bigger than most

so, please, will you be gentle?
will you treat it well?

it needs attention almost constantly,
so make sure you put some time aside.

it needs love. and it needs to be
held every now and then

so make sure your arms are big and secure

but, most of all...
it needs you.
it has chosen you.

right away, it thumped and bumped for you.

it had been a while...
the spider webs were finally cleared
and it was able to see the light of day again

and now, you have it.
so love it.


love me.

my heart...i present it to you.

i always believed i was someone different.

someone who actually knew. the snowflakes
fall into my eyes
for a moment, i'm blinded.

i thought i knew the roads. the tricks.
the questions. the barriers.

i'm crumbling, still. i'm weak.

did i never grow strong?

i thought i knew.

knew that pain was inevitable.

i thought i knew.

you're not always the first choice.

i thought i knew.

you don't get what you want.

so if i throw my hands up and scream
who would even listen? i'm trapped in
an unknown element
uncomfortable and i feel hands on me
i'm trying to protect myself
because i thought i knew
everything that already needed to
be known.

the snow twirls around me
and i realize.
this snow is new.
wild. raging.
i know nothing. i'm naive.
it blows until i fall.

i'm stupid. snowflakes are unique.

i'm a girl who knows absolutely
nothing.

except.

that this snow will keep falling.

every second i miss you.
it's become so bad, i start to ache.
it's an illness, and the only cure is your lips.
your voice will suffice for now, but i need
to trace my fingertips upon your face
remember all the familiar creases.
your body, i need it absorbed into mine.
i can't feel anything without you.
your heartbeat is my lullaby
falling asleep takes too long.
digging my nails into my arm
hoping to have a spark
but nothing compares to your hand grasped
around my hand.
the bruises on my legs
are nothing to the bruises that are from
your savage love.
nothing. nothing. nothing.
it's all nothing without you.
with you, it's everything.

you've taken one year of my life
(i'd even say the best)
so place it in a big enough box, with too much shiny paper
lots of ribbons or some sort of thread. make sure you tie it in a bow.
put stickers on it. cute ones. random ones.
make sure it captures your storm.
place it in a corner. place it on your bed.
you just need to see it.
(always)
i hope when you open it (if you do)
you'll hear my dumb laugh,
you'll see my eyes that you said were the most beautiful,
you'll try to remember the taste of my breath,
you'll long to feel the curve of my hips,
you'll yearn for my fragility.
when you leave
(i know you will)
you'll have nothing but this box full of memories,
you've taken everything else.
so take one more,
it's yours, anyway.

the best kind of love
rips you apart, lays your insides on the floor.
rearranges them, and places it all back,
so the air expands better in your lungs,
so the sun kisses your face in sparks,
so the people around you appear almost human,
so the beat your heart plays finally sounds like music.
the best kind of love,
fills you with love.

before i fall asleep...especially then.
my mind roams and roams,
but always back. back. to you.
i feel the fire in my throat, the ashes in my belly.
all i want to do is scream.
i thought you were real, i wish you weren't.
it wouldn't hurt so much, if you were just a fragment
of the imagination.
but unfortunately, your kisses did burn. your tongue
was the sweetest. your ***** were my monsters,
eating every part of me.
your eyes drove me insane.
all i can see is a storm.
all i can see is a sea.
all i can see is a explosion.
and there's always the two of us.
i am drowning, drowning, drowning.
and you are above the water,
smiling. smiling. smiling. at me.
the water enters my lungs. unconsciousness swells into me.
you smile. my fingertips graze the air.
i feel the sun. you place your hand upon my hair.
you kiss it. and drag me.
down. down. down.
i will never feel the sun again.