i want nothing more than a new years kiss
from you.
so save your lips for me, save your
fingers for me,
until next year.

speak strawberries to me,
and i will caress jam
for you.

my soma has been your manifestation.
you vanquished unconditionally,
these love (bites)
have been daily aide-mémoires, that this
fever will not break.

flames are within your veins, darling.

i have seen your inner
demons, and what they hunger
for.
your fingers to my wrists, your
teeth sinking. sinking. sinking
(it has sunk, anchors to wrists)

my demons kissed yours in the hours
of lust and the inexplicable.
my demons ****** yours in the woods
withering.
my demons held yours with homely
silence.

it is when i counted your eyelashes
at daybreak
that my demons finally paced alongside
me.

dear mom & dad,
i’m sorry i only write about *** and
alcohol.
the two skip hand in hand, with bedroom eyes
and laced up limbs.
but at least i only **** intelligent
men.
i made the mistake of moaning names
that held no publication,
cleaning someone’s blood lingering
inside vacant minds.

dear mom & dad,
i’m sorry i blame everything on you.
but let us be honest, your genetics have baked
a pie that tastes like
chaos and ethanol.

mother, esoteric, scripts i cut
my fingers on,
your bloodline is in every poem i write
about love.
i think we’ve both been falling for the
wrong ones.

mama, do you remember the dream catcher you broke?
feathers and glass.
my nightmares consist of knowing i will never amount to
anything.

father, knowledge like yours never ceases,
spilling and surging.
but you are sad. sad. sad.
i smell your smoke through cloths tattered.

beer was a better lover to you, than
anyone could ever be.
i have been in competition with inked, broken souls.
tell me i’ll win every gold medal.
i take everything from you,
but one day i’ll make you so ******* proud.

dear mom & dad,
the scars are slipping but the sound of broken
plates shake(quake) my nightmares.

dear mom & dad,
maybe we can sit and talk about our lives.
maybe i’d rather chug rat poison.

i. the night you called me over-sensitive was the night
i filled myself with empty soda cans. i attempted to wash away
your scent. 50. 51. 52. times.
it all still stinks of you.
ii. you used to make me wait until three in the morning.
you never apologized. the last time was until four, and you greeted me
with a kiss that peeled my lips off,
threw me against the wall feeding me words and stale fragments.
iii. the night you said you were ******* her should
have been it. instead you held me,
and i imagined her blonde white hair, her pasty thighs bouncing.
you used to say you loved my cinnamon skin.
iv. you want to return to what we were.
but we were never anything except petal filled wishes and
gluten-free mistakes.
v. do not look for me anymore,
i am gone. i will be gone. i will be kissing stars and men with
accents and minds that are unlatched.
do not look for me anymore.

i think i noticed you when all the clouds were forming
above my eyelashes.
almonds, dinosaurs. shaky fingers,
unknown province.

tourist among my terrain.
the grounds are disfigured, but it’s
in between the crowns you find the
gems most miss.
the runnel will flow if you penetrate
precisely.

bars with anonymous desires blatantly
painted across my stomach.
a scarlet E.
for everything. everyone. earth tremors in your pores.
say my name enough times that i see the letters
on your tongue.
awkward puppy love,
i’m whining until you scratch behind my ears,
clutch my scruff hard.

your growls will turn to howls if i try hard enough,
and i feel your frissons entangling with my DNA.
awkward puppy love,
i’m licking your face until you squeeze me,
i’ll give you love bites if you stay one more night.

awkward puppy love,
can i keep you forever if i give you
sheets, sustenance,
***?

let’s pretend that my flaws are my
best qualities.
that you’re dependable, and your
shoulders will not shake.
let’s pretend i didn’t swallow his
nectar.
let’s pretend the marks upon my scruff
originated from my
callused fingers.
let’s pretend i can only ***
with
you.
that your spit wasn’t scratched upon
her pale fat thighs for almost 2
years.
let’s pretend that my lungs are steel,
and my ribs are made of
diamonds.

so if you wanna kiss me tonight,
kiss me hard so i can taste your
mistakes,
with a touch of plasma.
choke me until i’m on my knees,
confessing my sins.
hot like peppers.
cold like the snow we fell in.

we can never return
to that
night.