gazing down this long highway i remember once living at home
the joy i felt knowing people were there to comfort me
to support and listen,
to help.

but now they're all away,
i left because i was afraid
of not succeeding

but if i go back i wont have a house
or a job, or a place to call my own
i will only have the friends that called when i left
but never had time to call before.

i knew this would happen
but if i went home, id regret it.

im just waiting for the opportunity of a lifetime to stop in front of me
so i can welcome it with open arms

so i can forget that place i call home
and find beauty in adventuring through life
instead of stagnant creeks drying up my mind.

you seep
into my dreams
you creep

like a ghost upstairs
a soft reminder of what once was
and forever lost
between two worlds
of love and loss

you only show yourself in dreams
with open arms ready for the hug
ive been longing to give you
since that day i've been mourning.

i always kiss you in those dreams
and you always brush my hair back
whispering in my ear
how everything will be okay now, i have you.

i used to wake up and scream
tears would instantly follow
and id ask the ceiling why
why won't you leave me alone?

but after a few of those
i remembered that im hardly a widow
that im better than tears
i remember that im happy
because you showed me love.


i will always remember you.
and the dreams only soften the blow that you were a disappointment.

Forever is no ball game,
no stroll in the park
and certainly isn't jealousy.

Forever is no hatred,
no mowing of lawns,
and definitely is not uncomfortable.

Forever is a child's dream,
written by her parents,
who behind closed doors
whisper questions, faults, hopes and schedules
to their monotonous lives
once lived under the
fantasy
of forever.

Brainwashed no more,
I've been freed from the heavens above.
Angels still whisper their advice
but now it's my choice
and its my conscience,
not an angel.

They told me without him I'd be unhappy
I'd choose a life of sin
I'd feel incomplete

but since I realized he never existed
I've never felt so free.

your wobbly worried words
your stumbling startled spurts.
do i believe your buried burns
still shade you from your lies?

i wont believe your shaking sharing
of a simple task assigned
to share the shaped shadows
of your pasts design.

ill never live this down
all i can do now is make you proud