Strong and tall
as a brick wall
she stands.

alone and scared
no one ever cared
she cried inside.

a child left
all ears around deaf
no one could hear.

winds whistled,
rain poured,
lighting
crashed,
tornados
landed.

still standing tall
she won’t ever fall
she is more
she is better
than those who left her

ten years from now
she will be better
than the products
of her past.

It seemed like any other night,
light run in pink shorts and sports bra
sweat dripping from the natural sauna
called Texas heat.
Feeling a connection to the earth,
to God.
Pure bliss at the beauty of the deer
gracefully crossing the street,
The birds singing and kids laughter.

In a matter of minutes dark clouds shifted
over me, over my mind, my heart.
Shifted the reality of running to
A darkness of emotions and fear.
A whirl wind spinning in circles
strong winds, Strong thoughts
rain whipping sideways piercing fire
emotions pouring, tears pouring, Niagara Falls.

The challenges of being the boss of running a clinic
Taking risks in life and in love
Having a broken heart, not knowing how to mend it
Fear of insecurities and doubts on abilities
Can I handle this vision, this clear vision God has
Put on my heart.

Emotions overcome.
Doubt sets in.
Fear becomes reality.
Am I enough?

Did I get the right vision?

God are you sure it’s me your
Sending this to?

Why the doubts on something so perfect,
Something that fell into my life so easily,
All the right people have appeared,
The perfect team to complete and tackle
another clinic, more patient’s, more responsibility.

But I long for something else, something deeper,
Still and yet with success and passion,
A missing piece to my life, no words can explain,
Only a longing for something unknown.


A person?
A thing?
A connection?
A friend?
An accomplishment?

At this point the storm rages on as I sit alone tonight.
As I sit and write, my main outlet in the world.

A simple look across a crowded group
those eyes like magnets locked on
One look was all it took
my mind now plays in twisted loops

Visions of sugar plums and dancing fairies,
floating in the clouds up high above the heavens
Lounging, floating feeding each other berries,
and feeling like a dream never foreseen

Back to reality her hand touches mine
small bumps cover my entire body
Chills of excitement and confusion
Could this be so divine?

Skins soft as satin
Beauty far reaching
Eyes of tender love
Warm glow of light from above

As her body moves closer to mine
My heart starts to race
Palms start to sweat
My stomach tied in knots

Her touch I’ve longed for
For so many years
The sudden feeling of completeness
and that emptiness now full

Star gazing said to be for dreamers
Real love said to be a mystery
A good woman said to be extinct
Does my heart and eyes deceive me?

I believe in the world of negativity
In the world of heartache
There is still true love
There is still the fairy tale ending
Can you find yours?

Finger tips frolic freely,
Skin to skin stimulates,
Thoughts of touching, feeling your lips on mine,
The warmth of your body,
Like a fire in the deep winter months,
Staring into your eyes
Brightly shinning sensitivity

Alone in my method of transportation
Radio flipped on, speakers blaring,
Nickleback songs take me away,
On a flying rug overlooking downtown Houston,
Watching, wasting…

Even way up over this town, I feel you
My separate spirit
You’re separate spirit
Above the cycling city I pull you, toward me
My hands hold
My breath, it blows on your ears
My lips caress your neck, slow to move forward
Drum roles sound in the distance, A violinist appears
He begins to serenade with a sinful sonnet
Softly the bow rubs each string

The world, at that moment, stopped all movement
Lip to Lip
Arm in Arm
When tiny tingles cover our bodies
Fireworks explode, as if it was the 4th of july,
In the middle of December.

Day or night, naughty thoughts
Flustered or flattered, emotions create it
Regrets no more
Fear no more
Back down to earth, now I am,
I drive you, my destiny.

Sitting down amongst
the plush green grass
Bare feet creeping,
towards the shoreline
toes of bright pink dancing,
exactly  with the rhythm
in my head

The sun slowly creeping down
orange and red fills,
the space between the clouds  
Quite peaceful bliss
angels crying a slight mist
for the sun will be missed,
as stars soon overtake the sky

Leaning forward in the pond,
I peak at what the water’s
Ripples have to say
To my surprise the reflection
startles my soul and
questions my existence
For is this the one I have become?

So many times with struggles
and the hard times
I have seen
I feel so weak and fragile,
Unworthy and afraid,
of everything
even my own shadow

The tribulations of childhood
tears and abuse
The times my heart has
Been torn from my
chest, and left to die
Loved ones I have lost,
my grandma I loved so much

Each of these things left scars,
each lesson took a piece
of me
For sure with all of this
all of life
The scars would show,
for everyone to see

Yet and still as I reflect at this pond
the person that I see
so clearly now
Looks so strong and independent
I see no scars of pain or abuse
I see no reason for this image
The image I’ve carried for so long

All these years I’ve tried to hide
behind this mask of pain
of fear
of regret
Yet and still this whole time,
these years, these hours, these minutes
no need to hide

Naked here in nature
I confess to the pond
the trees
the grass
I proclaim and reclaim
This life of mine
This life as I am without the mask.

Words strike down,
thunder bolts of destruction
Rejection set in so quick
I feel like a **** clown
What world have I been living in
What rose colored glasses have I had on
Obviously living in a dream world
With flying pigs and cows jumping over the moon
and every other fairy tale dancing in my head

The truth be spoken as it should but
stings like acid rain, splashing, burning
I start screaming out loud,
but no one hears it falls on deaf ears
so I sit alone in fear, staring at the wall
seeing reality and creating a restless mind

Sometimes we see things as we want
but not as they are
And the vision is so strong,
it overcomes our rational mind
Disguises in the bushes with camouflage
And even tricks our heart and taints our emotions
With a secret witches potion

And then like a rock to a glass window,
all the walls fall down
And it shatters into a million pieces,
pieces that will never be put back together
No matter how hard, this glass is now broken
No matter the rock cannot be taken back
Nor the past changed

So the only choice is to accept this broken heart
To accept reality and stop living in a dream world
Wake up and smell the coffee
Move on, pack up for life moves too fast.

Finger tip’s gripping tightly
but ever so lightly
Cut and scraped still holding as
pieces of the orange rock cliff
crash down below bit by bit

Echos of the crumbles, foreshadowing fate
hitting rock bottom, shattering
is it too late?
Drops of ruby red creep out
from the torn skin even through the calluses of life

So many times I’ve found myself
at the edge of  this very same cliff with no imagined way out
No thoughts on a trick to get out of the thick
Desperate to be saved as if it was the only way
Crying and asking why must I be left basking in this place

The cliff of heartbreak
The cliff of distrust
The cliff of fear
The cliff of misconception
The cliff of my minds illusions

Still hanging on for dear life, something changes inside
A sudden 180 of my thoughts, reality flipped upside down
My passion for this life suddenly kicks in high gear and
becomes greater than my fear of falling
with overcoming the fear my biceps begin to bulge

All of the sudden I dig down deep inside
inside myself to find a hidden strength
Straight from the heavens
muscle fibers that were there the whole time
All the suffering and poor pitiful me in vain
As I lift my own self up from the edge with inner strength I thought was dead




Battered by the almost fall
Feeling weak and dehydrated
From the canyon’s heat
My heart beats strong and always did
I just wasn’t listening and trusting in myself

Hanging on by the edge and feeling dead
So close to hitting rock bottom
Forced me to look inside for answers
The answer we can all learn from
We are stronger than we know
But we will never know until we are tested.