I need
A new desk
For my home
Office
I had to
Throw
The last one
In the trash
It broke a leg
And busted
My shin
Wide open
I need it to be
Sturdy and strong
With a nice
Wood grain
And beautiful pulls
Of elaborate plaster
And paint
I can't be too
Showy
Not a piece of art
But beautiful
All the same
In its simplicity
It needs to function
And work all night
When I can’t sleep
And work by the light
I wanted to still smell
Like an old library
That old smell
Of decay
And ambition
And have the feeling
Under my skin
That a million hands
Held on to it
During times of
Grim
When the dead lines
Are pressing
And the all
Night coffee calls
Still happened
Cramming
For the big test
Dreaming
Of what answer is the best
Pencil marks
On corners
And gum underneath
Are always a plus
I want all these things
All the things
That I have seen
Felt
Believed in

The first time
I saw you
You were just
A simple man
Walking across a parking lot
But
Something
Inside of me
Shifted
Moved
The way you moved
The way
Your weight
Shifted
I had to meet you
Get to know you
Maybe
I was too forceful
Maybe
I made it
Too obvious
But
I knew
I knew
You could be
Everything to me
My missing
Electron
The missing sun
In my universe
I will never forget
The first time
My heart
Blended with you
Sitting on your desk
In your studio
You big brave
Man, you
Screaming
And terminating
Varmits for me
But
I don’t believe I was enough
For you
;
Not then
Trying to keep me
In the closet
Like a
Secret project
Attending parties
After our dinner date
You
Telling me
“We’re not together at this party”
My first
Broken heart
Like a dinner
Plate
Crashing to the
Floor
I’ve seemed to have
A piece of it
Lodged in my foot
It’s healed in there
But, sometimes
When I step wrong
It hurts,
Throbs
And I see
Your face,
Your form
Crossing the parking lot……

I thought
I wouldn’t need you
To hold my hand
Once I made it out
Made it
To what seemed
Like safety
But
I’ve grown accustomed
To the thought of you
Next to me
Pressed to me
Whispers in my ear
The feeling of your heart
So near
I keep telling myself
It is make believe
You’re just a muse
Something to inspire
Make me move
Pass the time
But
My heart
My mind
Has become tangled
Joining
My imaginary empire
And the dullness of my days
I dream
Of seeing you
Hearing your words
Pour out
Of that mouth
I want to throw
Morality
Out of the window
Jump in my car
Drive to you
But
My heart tells me
If I don’t
Respect your bonds
If you don’t respect
Your bonds
What is there
For us to build upon
I don’t know
What to do
My poetic side
Says scream it from
The rooftops
Yell it across oceans
Let nature
Time
Happen
Do you hear me?
I’m trying to yell
I’m trying to scream
Oh captain my captain
What should I do?

I see you're
Bald spot
And flowers
On your shoes
How beautiful
All it does
Is remind me
Of you
The one
With no name
My beautiful
My sculpture king
I wait for you
I dream of you
I want only you,
I wonder
What does
Your hair feel like
Now?
Your ankles
To touch again
Your breath
Your smile
To watch you
Work again
To see your hands
Covered
In wet plaster
I miss you
I want more
From you
Your whole body
Your whole mind
To see
How many twist
And turns
To feel
Your heart
In my hand
How it thumps
How it bleeds
To feel your pain
Sarcasm
Cuts me
Your tongue
Lacerates me
I lay
And take it
I cannot leave
You
Again
I dream of sleeping
In the same room
While you
Work
Just in case
I wake
And can see
Your beauty
Create

You are
My orange crush
The sweet juice
That heals
My broken soul
The c that keeps me
Moving
Flowing breathing
The acidity
That burns my lips
When I let the
Rind linger too long
It reminds me
That this
Is so
Wrong
I want to
Jump in the
Ocean
Save
Those parts of you, me
That was thrown away
But
My morality
Glimpses
Of my sanity
Make my fingers
Wrap
Around my chair
Dig my feet in
Here I stand
In my sanity
My virtue
What is the virtue?
What is sanity?
These things
That make are
Society turn
I look at
My bank account
My bills
Stumbling to the floor
Will they miss me,
When I shut
The door?
The credit unions
The tax collectors
The writers
Of all those
Old books
The doctors,
The lawyers,
All those with
The big desk
All the gossip hounds
With sharp tongues
Will they
Want to hold me
When it all shuts
Down
Will I miss them?
My bills,
Responsibilities,
Pride
For waiting for
The green light,
Or will I miss
The nights
I dance too hard,
Spent too much,
And let the rind
Linger too long
On my swollen
Lips
Will you?

So
When does it end?
The performance
That is my life
Is it the lack
Of excitement
That makes it
So obsessively
Easy
For you
My outwardly
Dullness
That makes it
Compulsive
For you
Does it stop
When
I finally lose
It
Punch
A dumb girl
Who doesn’t know
How to curl her
Own hair
Borrowing my
Nervous ticks
Does it end
When I scream
“I have made
The perfect pencil!”
Running to the woods
To hide
Never coming out
Surviving
On boiled pine combs
Letting their
Tenderized flesh
Tear my mouth
Or
When my insides
Become
My outsides
Because
Of course
It is your business
To know
My ***** thought
My secret screams
All the things
That terrorizes me
Rip me
In two
The fact that
I have
Always wanted
To split
My body in two
RIP IT APART!!!!!!
Let my howl run out
Back breaking
Voice screaming
“I am finally free!
My monster
has finally run out of me!’
But
That will never happen
It exists as me
My deep
Redness
That pulsates
Through me
Surrounded by
Lapis
That thick shell
Of blue
That encases me
It is
Me
My faint breathe
That keeps pumping
In spite of myself
No matter
How many times
I whine
Let me die
Let me end
I breathe in

Sour Wine

I feel
Your fingers
In between
My ribs
Trying
To
Pull
Something out
I really
Don’t know
What,
I’m
Just trying
To put
All of
My olives
Back
In the jar
They
Have spilt
All over
The table-
The pasta
Has boiled
Over
Turned to
Mush
The wine
Sour
Left-over
From
Last night
Someone
Has ashed
In it
And you
You
Keep
Pushing
And poking
Twisting it
Like
A Thomas
Who
Does not
Doubt
I doubt
I wonder
Where
Is my
Next breath
Coming from
Will
I ever
Fit into
My pants
Be able
To walk
Without
A cane
In my mind
I’m trying to figure out
Where
To go
What to do
With
Pasta mush
And a
Bottle of
Sour wine