It is May 13, 1865. Two years sense our last battle. We "Confederate" won today, we won almost everyday and Union still won the war; I feel it's not fare, I feel that they shouldn't have won. Our commander Colonel Theodore H. Barrett was emotional… It was the weirdest thing seeing him, for he used to be my friend. We went to school together, thank the lord above us that he didn't recognize me. He said that I looked familiar and smirked, that scared me. But Max died, I held him, he told me to come closer, I did, his cold lips touched my cheek as a tear from my eye reached his head. He whispered in my ear "Lilly Haddix, I love you…" I scream for help. I screamed so god knows that he can't go, not yet. Maxwell Leon died in my arms, as my friend, as my love. I whispered slowly "Max, I love you too…" I grabbed his papers. And kept them next to mine. We always talked about how I have always wanted to be a doctor. I am still going to be studying medical when I leave. Soon I will be twenty-two I will be a new woman by the time I reach home. I hope when the future comes, I hope that peace will rise against the hatred. I never believed in slavery, I had slaves but they weren't my slaves. I fed them, gave them water, let them bring there families; I gave them a home when they didn't have one. I love you Max, I miss you Minnesota. Home here I come.

I have all the feelings in my head. I hate and love. I just hate more than love. I am tired and depressed. **** this. I am done. Life, yup, not my thing. I **** at life. I can't even sleep without some type of emotion. I hate my life, me, people, this world. So tell me how much I have worth living for. I know what I have. But I have more hate towards people in me than love in anything. What the hell am I doing. Oh my god. Yes I scream. Yes I cry. I **** at math. But do you really need math for writing. Random noises leave my mouth. I don't have one feeling at a time. They just bounce together. When I cry I laugh. I scream and I am crying. Ugh. This is a poem, a ****** one. I listen to only songs that have meaning. What am I supposed to do besides run. Run from what. I don't know. Let me go. Zombiefy!! Woo. What the hell was that. A.D.D. taking over me. What did I do. Where do I go. The scars on my wrist are now gone. Except one. That one gave me more pain. It hurts like a pinch. And stings like a bee. Blood just there. It doesn't move until I make the next slash, making the drops turn in to a puddle. I let it build up inside of me. In my thoughts.

Tonight is my night.

My night for death.

Good bye.

Hair up, not in a holder, in the air.
Not grey but brown.
You don't even need glasses, because you see the world as a flower any way.
You are perfect.
Everything that my family needs.
I love you gram.
<3
!uoy evol I
Je t'aime!

Another day of torture.
Another year of pain.
Another razor painted.
Another way to cry.
Another reason to scream.
Another time to die...