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Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
I'm 17 and I still don't know how to
Dress nice.
I will be a woman soon.
I am going to have to know.

My whole life
I practically refused
To dress fancy;
In heels,
Lace,
Jewelry,
Silk,
Shalls,
Skirts,
Ruffles,
Anything.

Because I felt so uncomfortable.
So undeserving
So misplaced
I would feel stupid
I didn't feel good enough
I always
Felt like I was doing it wrong.
It made me feel uglier.

Then I just wear
Converse,
Flannels,
Fipped jeans,
Handmade bracelets, and
I feel more in my element.
But I don't feel accepted.
I feel judged.

My wardrobe isn't for a woman.
My wardrobe is still for a
Little girl
Who grew up in a neighborhood
With boys.
I'm still a little girl
Who wants to go play basketball.

I hope I can learn
To dress professionally
And be confident with
Myself.
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
I know it shouldn't
bother me.
I shouldn't allow
it control
Of my emotions,
But it has.
How
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
How
I am confined only by
the walls I build myself.
But if this is true
then how did I
build you in
with me
?
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
Sorry. No, I am
not mad. All of
my life I saw
anger as the
only way to
express any
emotion. I am
just hurting. I
am just hurting.
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
Sometimes good things
Fade away and
It is sad to
Think about but
It's also a
Bit heartwarming
And I am quite
Thankful for that.
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
Recognize the beauty in your breathing.
Inhale.
Exhale.

Even out each inhalation and exhalation.
Be the flow of the breath.
Be deep.
Be balanced.
Inhale.
1..2..3..4..
Exhale.
1..2..3..4..

Sit comfortably and roll the shoulders back
Feel the body.
Feel the heart beat.
Feel the head sway softly.
Inhale.
Chest rises.
Exhale.
Chest sinks.

Close yourself out to your surroundings.
Focus on the now.
Focus on the self.
Focus on inner peace.
Inhale
Good energy. Exhale Bad energy. Meditate.
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
They exchanged glances and
The occasional
Simper on the
Subway for a
Period of time.

One thing they shared in
Common was the street
The escaped to
On their lunch breaks.

He, the high-class, affluent luncheonette.
She, the lenient yet eloquent café.

For her it's a brief
Getaway to some
Liberating
Arcadian.
She could be at peace.

Except not this time.
Not this time at all.
He was traipsing
Right up to her.

Her heart is racing and she has lost her breath.
Then he says, "will you have lunch with me, dear?"
Now
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
Now
I was very
Shallow before
But I promise
I am much more
Open minded
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
Don't tell me my soul isn't me
Don't tell me my soul is a part of my body

Don't.
I am my soul.
No.
I am the soul.

I am the soul
and this body is merely a home.
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
You sort of just abducted my heart.
Your desires are daunting.
The morose nature, of your overdosing
on painkillers,
is daunting.
You hadn't seemed mutable.
The painkillers were nadir to our love,
To your love.

My bones are brittle.
Your self esteem is fragile.
My soul is timid.
Your thoughts are feral and you bypass its limits.
You doubt my fidelity.
The wounds are severe.

You're a novice lover,
but I am too,
sort of.
So are we neophytes?

I'm enthralled in the wonder.

Let's not desecrate love, please..
Amaranth Elk Dec 2013
Gosh,
You open my mind to a capacity unheard of.
I didn't know this was possible.

I
Don't really get much more creative when I'm around you
But, I feel like I can open up.

You
really make me believe there's so much more out there that I
am yet to learn about as I age.

Now
I am looking forward to the future because I know
I have everything to discover.

— The End —