Helen sat next to you
on the flat concrete roof
of the brick walled
bomb shelter

out the front
of Banks House
after school
she lifting

and lowering her legs
against the wall
her black battered shoes
making a dull thudding noise

and you sitting dead still
watching her white socks
go up and down
and she said

mum said
I couldn’t bring
Battered Betty
because she’d given her

a wash in the bath
you took in
her thick lens glasses
catching the late

afternoon sunlight
her hair in plaits
her hands placed flat
on either side of her legs

on the concrete roof
and as she spoke
about the doll
you thought about the boys

who said she smelt
of yesterday’s dinners
or called her four eyes
but they were dumbshites

you thought
they didn’t see
the beauty of her
the way her eyes sparkled

behind the lens
or how being next to her
kind of brightened up
the day

not that you’d
tell them that
but you knew it
and they didn’t

and she said
if you close your eyes
you can imagine
we are on a ship

at sea
the grass is the sea
and you said
we could be pirates

I have a sword
my old man made
from steel
and painted blue

and she looked at you
the sunlight blanking out
her eyes and her lips
still speaking

saying things
her words shaped
like diamonds
and she closed her eyes

and so did you
and she put her hand
on yours
and in the darkness

it seemed warm
and smooth
and she said softly
you can save me

from the bad pirates
the ones with eye patches
and black scarves
and scary faces

and you said
yes I could cut them
all down and not miss
and she said

yes and I could be saved
and could give you a kiss
and the ship sailed on
in the dark

behind the eyes
in a world made wonderful
where you could be
8 year old lovers

where no one betrays
and no one dies.

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."