i don't know what it was
was it something you said?
the way you moved?
spending time with you
made me
fall in love with
the world.
with this city grass
and with warm coffee
with laughter
and friendship again.
i felt as if
we owned the world
just you and i
standing on top
with a pack of camels,
and unsaid dreams.
now you're leaving
and even if you died right now
and you never spoke again,
i would smile
close my eyes,
and whisper to the brightest star
"thank you for making me fall in love with the world,
your being,
and most importantly
myself."
you sir,
have no idea
how much you mean to me.
and you will never know
that the day before you told me
"i'm moving away"
i wished on the brightest star
"whatever it may be, let him be happy."
i love you, always.

Striving to be a good being
I care too much
But when I care to little
That's when you love me,
I do so much for you
Yet nothing comes back
Around
You're poison
Toxic
But danger has always called my name
I crave your fumes
The high,
The rush,
All because of
You
I've let go of many

But why do I still give you my all?

Take my soul,
crushed in your palms you quiver with enjoyment,
as you feel it slip through in between your fingers
Unworthy of my smile I laugh instead,
praying deep down within that things would return the same.

The anger flares and swells through my veins,
memory by memory my pulse reaches closer to its ******.
Your voice whispers untold lies, but all I hear is screaming.
Are we all meant to be empty handed?
Now I’m not coming back,
I’m just chasing,
what I can't reach.

Clenching to a unrepeatable memory,
the grasp gets more difficult to keep intact
I thought this died so long ago,
but reoccurring shame eats me.
Wounds unseal,
bleeding so much more then ever.
Hold me as it flows.

Your blue eyes..
they still overpower me.
I try and look away,
I try and forget..
But you, you haunt me.
A moment in time..
frozen with every beat of whats left of my heart.
My life crumbles underneath me as the world flys by;
I sit alone in the darkness not wanting the light to come in.
Floating in a world of spiteful words and untold memories.
Everything seems to disappear with every breath I inhale.
Hours, I sit in my room, reliving each bad situation in my life.
I scream and no one can hear me,
only because its from the inside.
Seclusion and regret are things I think I am supposed to feel.
Ignored by my thoughts,
I'm spinning in an utter world of confusion as moving pictures race through my head,
they have no meaning
Biting my lip I shamefully look at my feet,
studying the floor in front of me.
Headphones blaring,
eyes stinging my salty tears collect into a pool resting on my pillow.
*****,
useless,
I try to shower it all away
with tears instead of raindrops.
I'm not closing my eyes tonight,
for I know those blue eyes will do it all over again.

Your shadow still haunts
The deepest parts of me
Your thinly curved fingers
Still trace along my lips
Why'd you have to leave?
You never knew how I really felt that night
How my insides yearned for you
"I love you"
You told me as I fell with the rain outside your car window
You called me beautiful
"I am not beautiful"
No reply
Just a tender brush of the lips upon mine
I fell,
Fell,
F
E
  L
    L
For every part of you,
Just along side the rain outside that car window