things haven't been okay for a while now.
we're both pretending they are, but i know we can both tell.
i'm getting so tired of crying over you.
the pain is agonizing.
you don't love me anymore like you used to.
you don't spare my feelings when telling me that, either.
you screamed it at me, then acted like it never happened the next day.
i'm afraid that soon, you'll be acting like what we had never happened as well.

It's pathetic how much my heart relies on you.
I'm so afraid to face the day you decide to leave me...
because the day you leave is the day my heart breaks.
I don't think I can make it through that agony.

You only just left, but I miss you as though I haven't seen you in a year.
When we kiss, the only worry on my mind is when it will end.
I make sure I tell you I love you everyday so you won't ever forget.
I could just sit and listen to you talk for hours.
Daydreaming about you is what gets me through the day.
Your arms are home to me.
I think i'm gonna love you for a long, long time.

i've spent 6 months getting to know you.
6 months of laughing, and fighting, and loving each other.
and after half a year, I still get jealous of every girl that touches you.
I've convinced myself that I trust you. (more than anyone in the world)
-but there's still that feeling when i'm sitting at home alone while you're out without me, and I miss you like hell and I wonder if you even miss me in the slightest.
it's been half a year, and that feeling still haunts me like it did the second I met you.

Four months, and i'm still just as much in love with this boy as I was the first time I met him.
He never gets old, with his jokes and stories and antics.
I find myself loving the person I become when i'm with him; a happier version of myself.
I let my worries go when i'm with him, and miss him as soon as he leaves my side.
All I do is think about him, constantly.
I've gotten to the point where i've thought about him thinking about me.
Does he love me like I love him?
Will he ever leave me?
These are the thoughts and questions that race through my brain on a daily basis.
I'm in love with him, but that's the thing about being in love:
You're either in the best mood of your life, or the most depressed you've ever been.
For those of you who understand that statement...
I congratulate you and pity you all at once.
You've experienced something so amazing and horrific and lovely and gruesome.
You've experienced love; the silent killer that also plays the role of soul healer.

How can a boy like you with so much knowledge and prestige even think about being with me?
You're going to be a famous success story. A beacon of light for a lost generation.
All I have to give is mediocre poems and advice when sought out.
At first glance we seem like two completely different people.
And in some ways we are.
You're the one everyone depends on.
And i'm just a girl with knots in her hair and love in her heart.

i'm so in love
and it's breaking my heart
that i cant spend every waking second of my life with you
and that someone other than me is getting your attention
i know it may be selfish
or childish
or just plain dumb
but i cant help it
i partially blame you.
maybe if you werent so amazing i wouldnt have to spend all of my time wondering..
wondering if i'm just here until someone better comes along and takes my place.

I hate when I get in moods like this
where all I want to do is cry and sleep and be alone
these moods are inevitable for me, they come and go
but ever since you came, these moods are even harder for me to cope with
because while i'm sitting alone in my room moping, at the same time all I want is you
it's a complete contradiction
so even though i'm not feeling my best at the moment,
i'll put on a happy face and tell you i'm fine,
because i'll take every second of your attention I can get
even if all I want to do is cry

When i'm sad, I sleep.
It helps me forget about all the stress, only if it's just for a couple hours.

When i'm sad, i'll take any minute of relief I can get.
Even if it's just in the form of me slipping away into my dreams for a while.

When i'm sad, I sleep.
And lately everybody has been complementing me on how well rested I look.

sometimes I think it would be better to be asleep all the time
so I wouldn't have to experience life in this way
with all of its pain and anxiety and heartbreak
but then I remember
theres more music to listen to, new people to meet, and places to travel to
why would I want to sleep through all of that?
Just because life seems better when you're dreaming doesn't mean you have to believe it actually is.

have you ever liked someone so much
that it literally breaks your heart when you aren't talking to them
or you feel their exact pain when they're sad or angry
and when you're with them you wish time would stop for eternity,
just so you could stay in their arms for a little longer

have you ever liked someone so much
that you're terrified at the same time
because at any moment that love could just stop
feelings that were once mutual could become one sided,
and you're left alone with memories of what you used to have

have you ever liked someone so much
that you trust them with all of your heart
you give them everything you have left just to make them happy
and you spend all of your time thinking about them
even though they're the one who could break you in an instant; you trust them anyway

have you ever liked someone so much
that you write about them because you never want to forget these feelings
even if things end up not working out
because these are the best days of your life
and if you hadn't met this person nothing would be the same

god ******* ******
im sick of waiting for you
move closer to me

i'm so excited to spend my summer with you
and the rest of the seasons that follow.
I like you so much (definitely more than I originally planned)
and I don't know how this happened and I don't know why
but they say once you spend enough time with a person you start acting like them;
picking up their idiosyncrasies and habits,
and I feel myself slowly starting to talk like you and make the same hand motions and even giggle the same way as you.
I think i'm even starting to pick up the iconic blush you get on your cheeks whenever you're happy.
I don't know if these things are just in my head or if my feelings for you are as obvious to the rest of the world as they are to me...
all I know is so many thoughts are rushing through my head.
millions of thoughts flying by, bouncing around my skull while my fingers dance across my keyboard trying to capture them and write them down before they escape and disappear forever.
believe it or not, every single one of these thoughts are about you.
you are the pinnacle of every thought and feeling racing through my mind and coursing through my veins.
I could write a never ending novel based on these notions, but i'll settle for this poorly written, lengthy paragraph instead.

I never thought i'd be the type of girl that overthinks relationships and twists them into something they're not,
like when we don't talk I know it's not because you don't want to,
but my mind warps it into me thinking the worst..
and I know we dont see eachother a lot (which makes the moments when we do even more special), but I just end up worrying and start thinking: maybe if you don't see me as much, you'll leave me.
You say you like me and i'm the most amazing girl you've ever met and I believe that you think that, but I don't believe it myself and I think maybe thats why I freak myself out so much.
So now i'll go take a long shower or do some work and wait for you to call so you can tell me how much you miss me, and my heart will swell with all these emotions...
it's like the best **** nightmare i've ever had and I don't want it to ever stop.
                                      So this is my poem, which isn't really a poem at all...
                                          *just the typical thoughts of a teenage girl in love.

I wonder how long this happiness is going to last
until it gets ripped away
because if i've learned anything in all my years of living,
its that bliss like this only lasts for so long
until it disappears
leaving you with the same familiar emptiness you felt
before anything good ever happened in the first place
and you sit there wondering if it was worth it
and you convince yourself it wasn't
and you'll never put yourself through anything like that ever again
until something new comes along
and the process starts all over again

my dear friend, how brave you are
shipping yourself off to this manmade hell
this war with no end.
that's why I admire you.

                  your brave soul and loving nature are much needed in that hopeless wasteland...
                  but don't let the stench of death and sin harden your lovable spirit and livelihood;
                                                     ­              come home safely to me...

                                                          ­                                because even though you're wanted over there,
                                                          ­                                                  you're needed here at home with me,
                                                             ­                                                        where I can hold you in my arms
                                                                ­                            and know you're safe from the rest of the world

I found a boy
that gives me kisses instead of nightmares
and compliments instead of insecurities

hgvcc djvfgh,ej,fv
that was me banging my head on the keyboard, and these are my feelings.

words are beautiful
the way there is a word for every emotion and thought and action
when you put enough beautiful words together you come up with an even more breathtaking sentence
but even as i'm writing this, I cannot come up with the words to describe you
nothing that brings you to justice, at least
like how your cheeks turn crimson when you kiss me, or the way your personality can light up a room
how do I find the perfect words to describe these wonderful characteristics?
they simply do not exist
your quirks and habits cannot be described
you're marvelous, extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional
and even those words aren't good enough to describe the essence of you

I don't trust you
not one little bit
you should hear what people say about you
the horrible rumors that make their way to my ears
everyone tells me this will surely end badly
but I want to trust you
I don't want to have to worry about my heart getting broken like before
I want to be yours and I want you to be mine
and I want to be hopeful and carefree
I want people to see us together and think
"wow, those two really look happy"
because we will be
that's what I want
but I never get what I want