im sorry
i cant be as brave as you
i cant hold everything in and let everyone think life is perfect
as long as you.

I still break down at night
when no ones around to see me
and how pathetic i am
and how i need to let go
and just let it out
and
im sorry

You know the girl who always has a smile
And you think
'yeah, she's got a pretty great life'
But what you don;t know
Is what goes on in her mind
At 3am when she tried to disguise
the monsters that crawl out
From her heart
Out of her eyes
Onto her pillow
At night.

When you call her beautiful
She smiles and laughs,
Because she finds it funny.
You only see
What she wants you to see.
She wears a mask around
And she wears it well
There's not many people who have seen
The real her
But they all ran away
So why would she risk it
And show you
Why should you be any different
Why should she show you
The person she is inside.
What if you run away.
Then what will she have left
Maybe she doesn't want to lose you
Maybe she thinks
You're worth it
Maybe she doesn't want to scare you that badly
That you have to run away
And hide
And never come back
Then what do you think those monsters do?
They laugh
Like she laughed
When you complimented her
Rip her heart apart
Maybe she doesn't want that anymore
Maybe,
She really wants to be happy.

When the world turns its back on you,
turn your back on the world.
and then you'll be able to understand what the world thought.
see its point of view.
when you turn your back on someone you leave them.
they can't help you  
but then again,
they can't hurt you either.
so in that sense, the world did you a favour.
it left you
to yourself
and decided not to come back
and put you on your own
to find your peace
and your deamons
and although you had to fight them yourself
you don't have anyone holding you back.
you don't have anyone to run to
and you don't have anyone to run from.
and you don't love anyone
and no one loves you
and that's what happens
when the world leaves.

Daddy's little girl
so young in the world
Was born in the summer
and fell asleep curled
Upon his chest every night.
But Daddy's little girl grew up
and never understood why she had bad luck
And Daddy lost his love
and so his despair
Shouted to the moon
and asked why he had such bad luck.
He tried to take his life
and she understood.
Daddy's little girl,
could help no more.

As you sit there, you will never know.
You will never know the thoughts that run through my mind.
You see a girl with a shining smile, with confidence galore.
But I know what I hide.
Even now, you sit over there
With the smile I love so much.
I know you have an idea, you say you see it in my eyes.
But you'll never truly know what goes through my mind.
The deamons I see at night.
During the day,
They haunt me and I can never make them go away.
You will never be able to help me fight them off,
Because even I never know where they are.

Distance,
It is the killer, or the saviour.
Used to get closer, or farther away.
To remember, or to forget.
Which ever you use it for,
It will always be the deciding factor.

When someone tells us we're beautiful, why don't we believe it?
Is it because we learned to never see the beauty in ourselves?
Because we are told  that is "self centered"?
What if that is exactly what someone needs to do?
They need to look at themselves in the mirror and think,
"****, I look good."
But the were raised on the notion that that is not okay.
That thinking they look good was "unladylike"
Selfish. Self-centered.
Not right.
So she grew up knowing the fact that she will never be beautiful.
Or gorgeous. Or pretty. Or anything remotely flattering.
That she will always see those few extra pounds on her hips.
Those few extra hairs on her face.

But what if she met someone that changed all that.
Someone that made her see herself through their eyes.
See her reflection as she stares into his eyes, she sees herself change.
Sees her imperfections fall away, like feathers of a dove.
As he assures her there is nothing that matches her beauty, she laughs and rolls her eyes.
But he doesn't give up.
He knows she doesn't see any of what he does.
And she knows he will never give up until she does.

The Little Late Girl
Site between rocks and thinks
She wants to grow up.

Height is not wisdom,
She knows this, but is afraid
That the world does not.

The world is not kind
To the ones who are different.
Unimportant us.

Just forget what you've learned
Don't look back to our past.
Just forget what I've earned
You knew in your heart we'd never last.

I'm feeling it now
that you've left me here
But I'll never understand how you
expect me to be smiling ear to ear.

If you're not with me,
my smile fades
and I'll let the water take me out to sea
so I can meet with my friends, the blades

Just one more cut,
that's all I need.
It feels so good.
So good to finally bleed.

I've been holding out for so long
Coming back means I don't have to play along
I'n no longer lost in my mind
But I'm so sorry.