There was a time when I glimpsed the future
The possibilities it held sparked something in me
I was no longer consumed by the tedium that had been relentless in recent days
I could taste new beginnings
I became blind to the gray scale world I'd been living in

Ah that lovely haze
Those were the times when I climbed on rooftops
When I'd walk on the train tracks over the river smoking menthols, drunk on life and ***** sprites

Since then the fog has lifted and the world has returned to its dull state
I don't have any desire to climb on rooftops
I don't see what the point would be
And those train tracks that stretch over the river
Can't even reignite that something in me
And it seems I'm stuck on the 27s again

Can we just skip to the part
Where we fall hopelessly in love
Because I feel myself moving closer
And closer
To the edge every day
And this waiting
This anticipation of the fall
The knowledge that I will soon
Plummet downward
Grasping at only air
With nothing to break my fall
Is utterly
Terrifying

Sometimes
I look at beautiful things
And I ache
All over

I stare blankly
As my eyes cloud
With loneliness

I'm drowning
In my own mind

I need something
Anything
To revive me
Something
To make beautiful things
Feel
Beautiful
Again

I wish you would realize
The effect you can have
The pain I see in the faces
Of lovers you have infused
With your poison
Only to walk calmly away, not glancing back
As they writhe in agony
The pain I now share
The pain I promised myself I would never
Allow you to inflict upon me

You are not heartless
You are not evil
But oh how unaware you are of how easily shattered
The hearts you juggle are
As I watched the hearts drop from your hands
One by one
And become broken beyond repair
I hardened my own
For I knew the time would come when it would
Land in your hands
And you would toss it about
Stuff it in your pocket
And forget it was there

We drove with the music off and the windows down
Whispers of fall crept into the car and the sound of the pavement rushing under the tires murmured in the background
Our minds were buzzing with nicotine and wonder as we ventured into one another's intricate networks of thoughts
We became closer to escaping our own minds as we became lost in each other's
You began to read your poetry and I watched you in my rear view mirror as you read
You read with such passion and listening to you, with the murmur of the pavement, the music off, and the cool air tossing about the wisps of hair that had escaped the confines of my braid
I felt peaceful

there's always been something about her,
something that I know has been breathing life into my decrepit soul from the moment we met.
she carefully takes my bitterly realistic view of my world and changes it into something so beautiful,
I no longer recognize it as my own.
she's revealed to me such possibility,
such wonder and adventure--
it's the way she sees this delicacy in every human being that makes them so beautiful to her.
and it's her presence,
the mere fact that she's remained by my side despite my often dark demeanor,
that is slowly beginning to brighten the world around me, allowing me to see things I couldn't before--
to see this beauty, this delicacy of this life and the possibilities of the future

Waiting is such an
agonizing
thing to do
But I'll wait for an eternity
if I'm waiting
on you

She is in prison

it is my fault

Society tells her it is
That she, a woman, shouldn't have worn such
A short dress
Shouldn't have been "asking for it"
With her wandering eyes
And coy smile

what is wrong with me

She has come to resent the image she sees reflected back to her each day
It is unrecognizable
foreign
And she finds the sight of it
makes her physically ill

help me

The volumes she speaks through her
pleading eyes
go unnoticed
She is silenced by oppression
her words that push the crease
of her lips
elbowing, shoving, clawing their way out
are swallowed by her fear

I will hold your hand until it's black and blue
With the steady pressure of my terrified grip
That I know you will cease to tolerate some day soon
And you will go
And I understand why
For I've become skilled at the art of pushing away the ones I need most
And when I held your hand for the first time and found myself applying that steady pressure
With a strength I never had before
I knew that I needed you
Needed you like nothing else
I can't ask you not to leave as I stand here holding open the door
But I'm pleading with you to alleviate my fears and calm my terrified grip
Soothe me with those words I need to hear
And don't let me push you out that door

I am
so envious
of the cities that
get to
hold you
while I sit here
at home
with empty arms

You are a temporary high
And oh, how hard I fall

When I'm not with you I feel as if
A part of me has been ripped away,
and I'm left only with my sorrowful soul
And my thoughts of you.

I never got what all the love songs meant
        You complete me  
        I've never loved someone like you
        My heart yearns for you
        My being aches for you
        I want to hold you always
Until you showed me in your gentle way

My mind is so filled with thoughts of you I can't focus on anything else.
Even this poem is sporadic.
As my thoughts spill onto this virtual page they drip with my yearning for you.
You're all I ever want and it's miserable not having you with me always

All these words and more I want to whisper softly in your ear
As I stroke your cheek and feel your soft hair between my fingers,
But you're broken,
And you have become so jumbled
That I must restrain myself from telling you
I love you and asking you
To never leave

I am the thinnest slice of pizza
A warm beer
A scratched DVD
A lukewarm shower

A last resort

I'm what one settles for when all other options have been exhausted
And what is disposed of the moment something better presents itself

words thick with liquor
and thoughts drowned by *****
my sober thoughts are at bay
I silence my insecurities
with another shot of ***

all I want to do is hold you
ask you to be mine
beg you to let me be yours
stroke your face gently as you sleep

I want to treat you as you should be treated
be there to hold your hand
every time sorrow flickers through your
troubled mind

I want to tell you all this
I want you to know
how lovely you are
but no amount of *** will give me
the courage

Please let this be the last salty river
That runs down my face
Whose current whispers your name

Your perfect mouth forms
An inundation of sweet nothings
But your eyes don't echo the words

You hold my face like I mean something
But the reflections in your eyes show only
The ghosts of lovers past

Your body radiates beckoning warmth
I inhale your subtle scent
You're human
You're real
Every sense I possess tells me so

But as I reach for you
All I grasp is air
It slips between my fingers
And sends a chill through my body

Your electricity lingers in my lips, my fingertips, my breath
Raising goosebumps on my arms
Running a current along my spine

I yearn to again
Electrocute myself with your touch
I ache to feel your vitality
I long for a phantom
A man whose thoughts I will never again invade
I long for a memory

Once upon a heartbreak I jumped the border into Apathy
Leaving the destruction and tumult of my ravaged homeland behind
And it is here I now sit, in the land of Apathy
Swinging my feet off the edge of Nothingness
With my eyes closed and cool air weaving between my fingers while the sunlight gently caresses me
And I know I will never go back

A vehicle rumbled along a sorry excuse for a road,
A convoy trailing behind it

A soldier looked out his window
Watching the dust swirl up in clouds beneath the
Heavy vehicle's tires

He said nothing to his partner and they rode in silence
He, thinking of his perfect baby
Whom he had not yet gotten to feel the warmth of
In his arms
And his partner, he was sure
Had nothing but the image of his fiancée racing through his mind
She was all he ever talked about

They were close
As close as a pair of friends could possibly be
But rides were becoming increasingly more solemn
Unspoken yearning for home had become almost unbearable
These days the soldier missed home so much
And longed so badly for his wife's warm embrace
That he swore he could feel his heart aching

The solemn silence was broken as something caught the soldier's eye

"Stop!"

The convoy came to a halt
The soldier jumped from his vehicle
His boots making a hard thud on the ground below
He called to a group of Afghani children who had been
Collecting shell casings they would later exchange for food
In the middle of the convoy's path

The children looked up, alarmed
And scurried away

The rumble of the military vehicles again resounded
Through the desert
And the convoy continued on its way


Looking back
At the men in the strange uniforms
With the huge trucks,
A little Afghani girl
Caught a glimpse of the sunlight
Bouncing off of something
In the middle of the road

She rushed into the street to collect it
Thinking only of how pleased
Her mother would be
With all the money they would earn
From her painstaking hunt

The soldier saw the young girl
Dart into the path of the convoy

He shouted
And leapt from the vehicle
The girl looked up in terror
As she saw the big trucks
Getting closer
And closer

The soldier leapt into
The path
Of the oncoming sixteen-ton vehicle
Toppling the girl to the ground

As she sat up, out of the path of the convoy
Dusting her self off and
Trying to comprehend
What had just taken place
She looked into the road searching for her
Treasure
And saw it
Reflecting the desert sunlight
Just inches from the still form
Of the soldier
Who had just
Given her
His life

I fill the void that lies within me with anything I can find
be it clouds of thick, black smoke that permeate every once immaculate surface
within my hollow frame
or the bottle of whiskey that burns its way down my throat
like you, these things are fleeting
and only make me feel whole for a moment
and I can't help wondering
if it was you who left the void
or if you were just another substance
with which I tried to fill it

Thank you for loving me
And I'm sorry that I cannot do the same
For I seldom express my love
And am only capable of causing pain

I should use a saw
to cut a path
around the spot I stand.
I'll set myself afloat
make my own deserted island
and never reattach myself
to the world