Death has a pretty ****** job
Forever recycling souls
Only allowed to travel to
Destruction

All he knows is
The smoldering ashes of war
The popcorn sound of bullets
The shredded wreckage of rubber and metal
The hastily tied nooses or desperate pills
The haunting screams of children

But I think Life has it worse
For at least Death can take comfort
In playing the role of savior

Whereas Life is trapped
Forced to give his gift
To those who don't want it
Prolonging the suffering of
Heartbroken lovers
Lonely teenagers
Impoverished families
Tortured widows and lost orphans

And if each were given two words
To repeat to their victims endlessly
Death's would be "You're welcome."
While Life's would always be "I'm sorry."

Free will is a lie
At least that's what the ground says
As it rumbles
And forces your body to revolt
Turning you into
Another helpless victim of the planet's epilepsy

All around you
Screams are cut short
By boulders hurtling at blinding speeds
Collapsed skyscrapers
Canyons that didn't wait for erosion

You try to push yourself back up
Weakly ordering your quaking legs to stand
But even the slightest quiver
Forces you back to your knees

Escape is impossible
When you have been robbed of movement

This is an enemy that won't even let you run

A long time ago
You came from the earth
And now
It has come for you

As children
We learn
That smiles are only
Upside down frowns
The absence of sadness
Rather than the presence of joy

In middle school
The faltering grins
Become even more fake
Once we realize
That the appearance of bliss
Is just as convincing as
The real thing

Then during adolescence
Masks are constructed
Using a forcedly cheerful expression
To hide
The trails of hot tears
The pretty little lines under long sleeves
The hollow cheeks and ribs and collarbones
The terrified surrender to sweet liars
The truth

We spend our whole lives
Pretending not to be miserable
That it’s no wonder the people watching
Do not
Can not
Believe the genuine smiles
On the faces of our
Finally happy
Corpses

The ocean is swallowing you whole
It is cold
So cold
Your arms flail in vain for the surface
But your numb legs have stopped functioning
And the fish are deaf to the fear in your eyes

You wish you could follow the bubbles
As they ascend to the patch of light overhead
But the only thing your flooded lungs can do
Is sink
It is a terrifying moment when you cannot even scream

Darkness closes in
Though you can no longer tell
If it is the depth of the sea
Or your dying mind
You
Cannot
Think
Anymo...

The human body is 70% H20
But as you sink down into this watery cradle
You are reminded once again
That even too much of a good thing
Can ultimately be fatal

You are on fire
Or you might as well be
Flames lick at your too-thin clothing
The heat more intense than anything you've ever known
And your panic is nothing compared to the sheer pain

All you know is coughing, coughing
Choking on filthy smog
Inhaling poison
Gasping to find an ounce of oxygen
Feeling as if you lungs are about to rip themselves open

And all the while
The wooden structure crashes down
Closing in on your trembling frame
As you watch helplessly
Your vision consumed by blazing scarlet

You are staring into the face of the sun
But this fire brings the opposite of life
Ashes to ashes...
It seems your cremation has already begun.

The wide-eyed owl
Is unique in his wisdom
For he learns everything
By listening
And always asking
Whoo?

While the parrots
Brightly colored
But dull-witted
Simply echo the voices around them
Never questioning
The phrases they repeat

The miniature wooden birds
Trapped in their tower
Also cry out
To signal their release
And the top of the hour
Reminding us over and over again
That our obsession with the passing time
Is just a little bit
Cuckoo

The delicate nightingale
In turn
Sings its beautiful melody
A tune so haunting and mysterious
It can move you to tears
Without ever telling you what it means

The birds are talking
But
In the words of the canaries
Talk
Is
*Cheep

Exhaustion is heavy
Numb indifference even more so
My eyes are dull
And their gaze cast down
To something even deeper than the soil
Arms leaden, knees trembling
Thoughts cycling, cycling, endlessly

And for what?
What is the purpose of this weariness?

Just take a look at the window
And you'll remember
The world waits to greet you as soon as you walk out

The blazing sun smiles with warmth
While the silky moon soothes the ache in your bones
Hot desert winds drag sand around for miles
As cascading waterfalls crash onto granite stones
Hollow-***** birds soar beyond the heavens
Thousands of feet above immense sea creatures
That crawl below the shimmering ocean surface

No matter how dead you feel
The world is alive around you

So when the only thing on your mind is a resounding, "Why?"
The snow capped mountains
The palm studded beaches
The wheat speckled fields
And the storm plagued jungles
Echo back their reply:
"Just because."

Fake applause
Smiles from strangers
Insincere congratulations

Take that away and I am nobody
All that’s left are white papers
Each claiming I have accomplished something

He's beautiful

But I am terrified
Because I fear that I may be in love with who he could be
Rather than who he really is

18 years
216 months
6568 days
157632 hours

And in all that time
I have been alive
But I never lived

It feels like my soul has been
Ripped apart
Clawed out
And dragged away

But that can't be right
Because I never had one in the first place.

I am being split, torn apart.
This is disintegrating, dissolving, dissociating.

I feel too much until I feel nothing at all. The misery and anguish vanish just as the first tear falls.
This is overwhelmed, numb, bipolar.

I starve and then binge. I want control but release it once I get it.
This is grasping, reaching, flailing.

I need to go out and do something, but as soon as I take a step toward the door, I retreat to my bed. I long to taste freedom, and I am the one confining myself.
This is incarceration, entrapment, suffocation.

I am ashes scattered on a raging sea, dead and fragmented and irreparable.
*Not even all the king’s men could put her back together again…

There once was a girl
Who hid herself from the world
She put on mask after mask
And faked every smile

But at sunset
She would unwrap the layers of her chrysalis
And sprint to the window
Looking frantically for that first glimmer of light
Wishing, hoping, praying on its dim sparkle

And she’d spend the rest of the night
Gazing into the evening sky
Drowning in the expanse of galaxies
Tracing imaginary constellations with her fingers
Searching desperately for a little star of her own

She lost herself many times
Pursuing the twinkling specks in the distance
Until she finally met the sun
A boy who reminded her that one star burns brighter than all the rest
He overpowered the twilight of her heart
And ignited fire from the ashes in her veins

Now she spends her nights
Eagerly awaiting the dawn instead

And when the hands on the clock move too slow
The minutes stretching into weeks
His reflection in the imperfect moon is her comfort
Like the brush of his hand gently kissing her cheek

I have a friend who
Shines brighter
Loves stronger
Dreams bigger
Than most.

But this blinding star
Suffocates her radiance
Refuses to let the candle eat itself away
And she dwells in the comfort of midnight
The brighest eclipse

Because the truth is
She’s saving her beauty
To give to one who is the color of sky right before dawn
She gravitates toward shadows
And lights up only for the darkness

Now she has found her counterpart
He illuminates her world
Unveils her hidden spark
And uses it to ignite an inferno
But he battles a legion of demons
Trapped in a deadly war against himself

Only he can awaken her
His vibrant smile erasing her mask of smoke
And only she can save him
The blaze in her eyes conquering the monsters that creep in the corners of his mind

Some may think it’s sad
That they only burn together
When no one else is around to see

And others say it’s dangerous
That their intense blend of passion and pain could destroy the universe

But I think it is perfect
For their love has captured
The elegance of charcoal
And the purity of ivory
On a single canvas

So I guess it’s true
That night is the one true love of day
Too much darkness can be deadly
But too much light can burn you away

I stumble
Tripping over knotted roots
Slashing my shins across thorns
Panting from sheer exhaustion
Tasting the salty burn of sweat on my lips
Collapsing under the pressure
Crushing dead leaves underfoot…

…and all sense of hope.

How did I get here?
And more importantly, how do I get out?

Only you can save me from the this wilderness
This desolate abyss
Reach out
Please
You owe it to me

For I got lost here searching for you.

You could’ve
Strengthened me with kindness
Given me back my worth
Empowered me by your affections
Unearthed the beauty that I didn’t know was there
Renewed me with your love

But you looked away

Now I see
I am nothing without you
Weak, fragile
Unable to rise on my own
Inadequate

I was broken and empty
Only you had the power to make me whole again…

…and only you left me here, incomplete.

In my life
I have been
Lifted onto an impossibly high pedastal
Puffed up to fit the mold of perfection
Inflated with false hopes
Filled by others’ expectations
Blown out of proportion
Stretched beyond capacity
Pulled until I am nothing but papery skin and bones and air and dreams

But at the sound of your voice
I melt.

Never have I felt smaller than when the whisper of my name rolls off your lips.