long black curly hair
strong nose and chin together
soft brown eyes watch me

i'm just a small girl
how can he love me like that?
I'll believe him, though.


smiles traded nice
no akwardness anywhere
maybe it IS true

so many others
how can he choose, me? Alyse?
i'm just a small girl!

but yet his eyes watch
fill with love that makes me weak
my mexican boy

steps taken to home
old memories rush to see
he CAN be mine now!

it's just me and my Mexican boy, the one who i love, and the one who loves me

"Home?
What's that?"
people crying
people yelling
spinning around me
it makes me dizzy
it makes me cry
they make me bleed
"Where you gonna go?"
"Where you gonna stay?"
"You can't leave!"
SHUT UP! PLEASE!
I can't take this any more!
give me some space,
I need to breath!
I need to find a home...
or does home need to find me?
run away?
or run to?
SHUT UP! PLEASE!
I can't take this anymore!
I need to find a home!

I can't
        FIND
the
              WORDS
that I want to write.
I feel the
   RYTHM
       in my heart
waiting
   to be
            WRITTEN
coursing through my viens
                       my
                          MIND
chasing my
  SOUL
           Itching my hand to pick up the
                     PENCIL
and find the words to make it
                                                      RIGHT!!!

Make myself cold
keep myself numb
you try to crack my shell
but i don't want to open myself up to you!
get that through your head!
i make myself cold
to keep you away
i make myself numb
to not feel you control me
unfeeling and freezing
i don't feel human

NO! i have to be real!
I can feel it...
I have to be a person!
i won't lock myself up because of you.
I realize it's not me keeping me numb,
it's your control
making me cold.
well now i REFUSE YOU!
I won't STAND for this!
you won't control me anymore, because
I'M NOT NUMB!

I can't find a home
I have to leave,
I have to go!
As soon as I settle
They whisk me away,
Tear me away,
change my surroundings...
I'm getting comfortable,
I like it here.
but where am i now?!
Do i not belong anywhere?
Always having to adjust myself
Always having to force myself
Always missing what's taken from me...
Changing places,
changing people,
changing friends... forcing smiles
fiegning happiness
is it that i don't belong anywhere?

or a brighter side,
more like home,  
do i belong everywhere?
I feel home

Geek! Outcast! Freak!
screams and insults cry through my head spinning me 'round
            -SNAP!-
I love you! Alyse! Give me a hug!
compliments and praises ring in my ears
lifting me up
            -SNAP!-
Hey Alyse. Who? Alyse....
blending into the woodwork
where i belong...

I was a saint
I was a sinner
I was a tree
I was the wind
I was a feeling
I was a numbness
I was a prisoner
I was a bird
I was a flower
I was a thorn
I was your light
I was your fall
I was a creator
I was a destructor
I was alive
but what am I now?