The beginning of this story is pretty hazy, I’m not really sure I remember how the whole thing started but when it was happening it all seemed to make so much sense.
The first thing I remember, everything seemed normal enough, I was probably just going about doing the same things I do most days, nothing special. Then all of a sudden this terribly great thing happened. Everyone was talking about you.  Something important going on and you where right at the center of it. As I later found out you had gone missing or run away or just vanished, nobody knew. I defended you when they said they had seen it coming, that they had seen it in your eyes. I knew better than that. This was a place of loners and lovers, no families allowed, all the families had to go somewhere else, or at least they did.
I remember someone important, the Mayor maybe. He was like a cartoon villain, suave in a gray paper-perfect gray suit and silver hair slicked back just enough. He had a big smile and teeth like snow on a sunny day. He was a game show host villain.
He was the one making the biggest fuss about the whole thing. Always talking about how we shouldn’t feel ashamed of you for running away or that we should pray that you be safe wherever it was you had gone. But he just had those big phony teeth.
There was something going on with friends, at school I guess, like they wanted to keep talking about it but I didn’t. I knew you were coming back, how couldn’t you. I tried to explain to everyone that there was no way in hell I would be that cruel to myself, but they had no idea what I was talking about, they thought I was losing my mind.
You remember that time we tried that one drug and things were not as great as you expected. That night we thought we were both going to lose our minds. This time I wasn’t losing my mind. I had all the confidence in the world.
There was a lull midway through, I had no idea when you were coming back and I was starting to get annoyed with all the people around me. I couldn’t believe they were still making such a racket about the whole thing. They weren’t even like real people, they all had these defining characteristic which became their entire personality. They were caricatures of real people but I didn’t have the heart to tell them. I didn’t care enough to bother with figments, how could I?
Then suddenly the whole thing was different, there was some new great event going on. Everyone had gathered to some great big open amphitheater. All the seating was facing a big fancy stage with lots of lights on it. Behind the stage were hills. Everyone was talking about them, those where the hills they said you ran out into. As it turned out that was the reason for our being here. It had been like a hundred years or something since you had run away and everyone had come for a ceremony in your honor.
The whole thing was absolutely awful. It felt like we were there for a whole day, and the mayor was speaking for over half of that. Everyone was so captivated by his teeth and his suit that they barely heard what he was even talking about. They all acted as though what he was saying was breaking their hearts though, some even seemed genuinely inspired.                                       
The ceremony was going on and I was pretty done with the whole thing, I could feel the end coming. There was some pause in the speeches and all the seat sitters went to go freshen up. I took my chance and just ran out into those hills.
This was the best bit. All of a sudden I was in these hills, there was nothing but mountains in the distance and the stars were like light fixtures. They shone with color almost but the moon was so big and brilliant that everything was that perfect dim blue-silver color. By that light I could see the wind dancing in the knee-high grass, not like waves but more like snakes. I felt like a dumb rock when all I wanted was to be smoke, dancing with the wind.
Then you came down from the sky, you showed me all the dazzling swirls and swoops you could do and left all these crazy colors in your wake. When you finally settled down I saw you skin was like orange flame, soft like a marker drawing, moving around you like a flaming teardrop. Your core was all blackness and depth but I knew it was you. Who else would it be?
We hold hands and you fly us back to that big stage. We wait behind the curtain and we hear the mayor come on one more time. He’s telling the audience about one final display to tip off the ceremony, a dazzling light show preformed by a secret guest. I look at you in surprise but before I know it we’re making a run for it, speeding up those long aisle steps, up towards the exit doors at the top. Everyone is speaking about it at the top of their lungs but I can barely hear them over the sight of you. Your colors are all falling off and I can see your features being revealed as flakes of light peel away. We burst out the double doors and down some hallway. Out into the bright sunlight and I still can’t get over how beautiful you are.
And that’s how it ends.

Piggies dancing, floating along narrow passages towards what they hope is their ends. Their means have been stolen and packaged and sold by big suited, corporate, handy-handy machines. They eat piggies every day and love it, love it, love it down their gullet.
They are not worth a mention yet they get it, they want nothing but your attention, they don’t need it yet they get it. Their appetites are insatiable and contagious, they use it against us by showing us how we are nothing but what they are     and we are fools enough to take it as Truth.
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                      Shame.
We have shame because they debase us and hence debase themselves.
We have shame because we see their debasement and yet powerlessness is in our bones.
We have shame because all we want is not all we get and nowhere near all we deserve,
-it measures much lower.
   It is irrelevant, it is biased, it is useless, IT is un-real-(UnRealistic, UnRelated, UnTrue)
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                          Lie.

If my breath stinks or my hair is greasy or my cloths *****, my teeth yellowed, my feet smelly, my nails long, my social life quiet and solicitous-   will you discern a negativity in my human-ness? We are no villains. We hate only those who would have us believe that we must hate ourselves and each other. They are no beasts like us. The animal within, encased by a carapace of Humanity glued and mortared by self-centered ideologies gets too thick and you must break it by looking at yourself. ******* and ******* and spitting and grunting and moaning in ecstasy and pain.
Repeat after me and say it loud with beastly yell “ I am a ******* beautiful Animal!”

This morning a great big pile of ******* occupies the road in front of your building,
Powdered wigs and hand grenades,
The remains of a slaughter the night before.
All the medicine, text books, car keys, credit cards, shoes, head phones, computer chips, DVDs, chairs and trucks.
A smoldering heap of help from friends in factories.
None of it had been spared during the death of civilization.
Still they pile it.
Your neighbors and parents and friends.
They’ve been convinced that these things are evil.
They will force solitude upon all of us.
They will make us vulnerable and frail as though naked in the night.
They will prove to us that we did not know what it was to be alone.

Standing atop the pile their god is yelling:
“We must sacrifice for the good of life!
We must destroy for the good of creation!
We create ignorance for the sake of realization!
We incite suffering for the good of happiness!.”

Left alone we must grovel at the foot of our fallen god,
Mourning a murdered child.
Crying out for fairness and LAW.
Systems and sciences.
All lay at the very center of the mound.
The head of a rotten body,
Decapitated without mercy by those who had been deceived by it.

Death and darkness come next,
Creeping as wolves do where we fear them most.

I can’t tell you what comes next,
But you must not trust those who began the revolution.
They have abandoned you to your own devices.
Left you naked in the shadow of the mound.

I am a filing cabinet
seldom seen but in parts
often rifled with blameless disregard
but with you, I am all apart
every piece separated from all others
and tagged, numbered and defined
to every bit of even the smallest *****

for you each single sided sheet has been splayed
with paths weaving throughout
covering the floor of a gymnasium
colour coded lines directing you section by section
divided by arbitrary themes
whose contempt for regularity
occur solely so as to benefit your discovery

by the entrance of the labyrinth
stand many racks of pamphlets
each showing different routes
but all ending in similar places
a tour guide or two even
ready to answer all your questions
and handy with maps

which will show you to whichever part of me you wish to see

Making my way down
From the bottom of the rivers
Into the oceans
On my head the trees
The plants from the land
Walking upon the coral covered seabed
Letting my skin absorb the nutrient life of the sea
Holding in my hand the pebbles from the rivers
Climbing the moonbeams into the infinity of space
Becoming lost in the fullest emptiness
Within me the fish and the plankton alive
Diving headlong into the sun
In my eyes the light it had reflected
Off the surface of the moon
My mind enveloped by radiance
Re-entering the engine of creation
Along with the stuff of my home
Joining in as fellow particles
Becoming the same
As I was before

Doubtfully, unoriginally unsure on the cliché subject of originality itself. Like music you’ve heard on the radio too much. Like the thing your lovers have cherished and you’re sick, sick, sick of it because it’s so **** old and un-fresh. Like aged socks.
Accept the illusory nature of your being and be a dingy ****. Nobody will like you! Feint non-belief. Beastly ignorance. Ignorance is ignorance. Oh blissful ignorance. The happiness of brutes or of the happy? No victory, but is there failure? A fundamental losing out? In any case don’t take it too seriously.
To Strain your brain,
Strain your brain,
Strain your brain.
It’s all in good fun. Nature of the game.  It goes on and on. The journey that counts.
Play for fun, fun fun.
Threes are there but who really cares?
Certainly not me.
Certainly not unoriginal.
It can’t all stem from the pool. Randomness is real and not and both. It’s inside us.
Do my words hold meaning? Give meaning? Does your brain? Or my brain? Them together?
Something else?
Coming to an end.
Don’t get too distracted.
Love is important. Because I said.
Love’s important. Unoriginal. Un-special. Nonetheless Grand.

A night of sowing
Uncomfortable impressions,
Fading into blue distance.
Wanting nothing,
               Except one.
To much to ask?
Forget it.  
Anything could follow
           anger, shame or love,
Love so heavy.
Infinitely more everyday,
Light-years behind this new longing.
Ignorant of the real world
    missing    piece.

Stupid dreams,
        Don’t know anything.
Mudded in older with,
        Without waiting...
For Airport Embrace &
    The Picture Show

.                                           .
In my head
Lives a constant rambling
Voice            
                        Meandering
Until some idea
Falls panting from
                    the digression  

Slapped and Shaken
       it cracks open its eyes
Witnesses Trial
                   and Judgement

A thing easily believable
         And easily discarded  
.                                             .