Everyone is someone new for me to run away with mentally or physically.
All of my suitcases
Filled with baggage
I try to forget to bring them
Yet my hands always ache from gripping the handles.
There are maps and magazines
I wish I could jump into
I'm chained to poor mental health
Poor decision making
And a desire for the room to stop spinning
Long enough for my thoughts to take shape clearly.
Casual *** and let-downs strengthen my mental block.
No one can reach me.

"You taste like a wife! "
You spit these words on my back
I **** red wine down like water
and forget you want to possess my intestines
firmly grasp my beating heart and tell me
"You're mine, *****, I've got you now."
"I have you in my fingers
Squirming and shrieking
Begging me to kiss you
You can't leave me
I'm broken
I need you to make me feel good about myself
I need to step on you and grab a hold of heaven
I will just destroy you."

Start
Theorizing
My life,
Is lost out beyond space.
Start
Perfering
Thicker
Guidelines upon my thoughts
To develop myself
You
Are
A sexist/classist
Waste of space
(I want you to go away forever)

4am 4am 4am….
Leftover stonedness
Lonely memories
I can’t figure out what I miss.
Think it’s the calm comfort of tuning out
Even though the tuning out slowly murdered me
Drift beyond
Drift away from everyone
I fear people.
Sometimes I feel like everyone else disappears in the world
Or that they can’t touch me
Like I’ve never been touched.
I don’t think I’ve ever been touched.

The computer glows and I have to be quiet.
My mother is sleeping in the other room.
She’s stressed and hurting
Guilt notifies me that I haven’t helped her enough.

I don’t know if I feel like dying but I feel like becoming mute.
If I can learn to ignore everyone, I can ignore pain and let down expectations
Sweetie eyes and a tall lean lover.
Dark expression knowing my soul
Loving and *******
Soul to soul
Skin to skin
Breathe with every breath.

I am going crazy
I am going crazy
Sands slip through my brain and scrape
I tense and twist
The feeling still lingers
Pushing me
I'm run over by a speeding city bus
The stench of sadness
Collects on my clothes
Weakness holds me down and back
There's a subtle aching tone
A call to end it all
Getting even louder

pretending to have something to complain about.

what a sad existence.

words spilling over

like something beautiful.

poets who use periods a lot.


not distract him from his thoughts meandering

happens and happenings

misguided spins to music

calm yourself and breathe living air

tell me what it took

for a while, that was exactly what you wanted

a wrong description of the past

You hang out in art galleries.
I try to balance my anxiety
Too many things to worry about...
I'll write you off one by one
Till you are no longer on my mind
Too bad I can't ******* write!
My hands hold negative energy
I try to hide them, cover them up
None of it correlates.

Is he easily moved? Truly?
Or am I too smart for him?
I would hope so...that would make me smirk delightfully.
Maybe I ...affect him?
I would hope so. I would.
He looks at his world and I look at mine, I try to see his
I would hope he'd try to see mine
Sometimes he needs a muffle.
I can only dream
Maybe his dreams will join mine and together we'll make fire
my air would feed his fire
he would burn me up
but I would let him.

Swallow my self-loathing and let it fill me up with shame.
I'll never be what I want to be,
And all hope is hollow.

Abstracted, I'll watch you live my life and contemplate whether it's all worthwhile…
The constant misery of being lost in a world of grey, with all the colors slipping so fast and easily from my fingers.
The constant realization that the good in this world is too slight
And that we're all numbing ourselves from the truth with lies and shiny pictures
The constant shadow of wonderful days at my heels, growing further and further away each instant until

This unnatural, cruel, teasing sun is behind me, and it left with those shadows.

So now, I face nothing to live for.

I think half-thoughts

slow

to

adjust

I’m losing touch

With everything.