tonight the sadness fills up my lungs like water. cold, icy water. suffocating me until I'm unable to gasp for air any longer. missing you has never came in such a toxic form. tonight the sadness fills up my lungs like water, without you, I can not breathe.

I'm trapped. I wanted you and only you. I wait for you to say the words that can make me or break me. I may act like I don't care but deep down inside the pain is unbearable as I lay in my bed coming down off the high thinking of you and the way you make me feel and then it all goes blank and I'm back to sleep. Sleeping until the next day ,searching for the next high ,crying over the same guy. I'm trapped.

12:26am and the lights are off and I can't escape this. I can't run away from my thoughts any longer. They know my pace. This burning desire I feel is eating at my flesh and decaying my heart and I can't get you off my mind. There is no longer an us. Maybe her words are softer and her eyes are brighter. Maybe you see her mind and fall in love everytime you undress a part of her universe. I lost track of time searching for your stars knowing that when I got close enough they would burn a hole in my heart.

--ank

i used to believe this was a good feeling. a feeling I only felt when i heard your name, when i tasted your lips or when i smelled ur scent. people talked about us and u didn't like that very much. you didn't like the attention, sometimes you didn't like the attention i gave you. but the attention I gave to you when it was just you and me in the room..... you loved it. you craved it and i felt that feeling then. i knew it could only be a good feeling. as my skin touched yours under the covers I knew this is where I wanted to be. your texts grew short as did my breath when they finally came along. I realized that this feeling didn't just have good intentions, and neither did you. I felt this feeling in my chest as you said words that didn't add up to your actions. your words were like winter and my heart was listening too well. this feeling was all that I knew now, weak.
--ank

I lay in bed and my thoughts wander to the darkest places. my mind is darker than the room right now and I can slowly feel the walls caving in. memories sneak up on me at my weakest moments. now I'm forced to face reality; there's such little distance between love and hate.
--ank

we always said we would walk by each other's sides. through the cold, brittle, hard climate. I was somehow right next to your body, fulfilling your every need. I needed you and you were no where to be found. clinging to you for support, you pushed me away. I walked a million miles holding your hand but when I asked you to cling to me for one step, I found myself alone.
--ank

the sky has never been so bright and the clouds have never had such a precious meaning. to look up and know you're the reason the sun shines today sends me bittersweet chills all over my body. all I'm left with are the memories and tears with no closure. I'll wake up tomorrow and see the sunshine and feel the wind against my skin and remember how much you loved the weather. I can't find your soul in the smoke or the alcohol. all of the drunken memories hurt more than the whiskey itself. go ahead and take flight I'll see your beautiful smile soon enough. God always had a way with picking the prettiest flowers.

RIP shyanne-- 032115
--ank