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Allison Toby Jan 2012
Eight years old
Head aching
Heart breaking
As a child

I wept
the days went by
as a child

I went to school
I broke the rules
I got labeled

An outcast
A rebel
An anti-christ
A trouble maker

A real creator
A real creator
A real creator
A real creator.

Time went by
I wondered why
I even went to school

I was there tool.

They were teaching me
What they wanted me to see

But I saw through
And I still do.

And I don’t see
Why society
Has got to effect me
Like I see
It effects you

I dont feel any attachment
There needs be no interaction

Cause I cant live
There lies.

What they have choosen
For me.

For us all
To be.

Slaves
Who think they are free.

Small comforts
Can be

A necessary
Part of the illusion
Its proven

But tell me why
Is it ok?

Why do they think
Its ok
To live this way?

Its not right.
Its not right.
My heart cries
Its not right

My spirit doesn’t lie
And its putting up a fight
With all  its love and light.

Its putting up a fight
With all its love and light.
These are actually just lyrics from an improv jam.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
We never enter the future
we never exit the past.

There is only the moment
eternal, infinite, vast.

It is One, it is All
beyond time and space.

It is not a secret to state:
It awareness that creates

Not the sensory pleasures
indulged by your physical self.

That is the illusion
that keeps you in your cell.

You are not what you experience
We suffer in this hell.

Because we fail to see the truth
that only wise men tell.

Through suffering
lessons are shown.

In reflection
all is known.

Through perception
the One is reborn.

But even if I had hands and feet
even if I awoke from a dream.

from birth to death
although I have grown.

Without consciousness
all would be unknown.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Point A to Point Infinity.
Start out weak,
Grow strong.
Grounded roots run deep
even under the subjection and exploitation of cultural ****.

Still, you will your humility.
The divine pours in as you lead the divine into the world and hearts of humanity.
You live,
And you live on.

In the divine, in the collective consciousness
In the hearts you open
In the souls you comfort.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Let what is unknown excite you.
Let the unfamiliar invite you into its home.

Do not take for granted.  

Anything.

Pain.
Happiness
Tears
Smiles
Laughter
Death
Bir­th
Family
Friends...

Anything
and
Anyone
You experience
Is here for your learning .
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I am sure our future is engraved 
on the palm our hands

Our fate was made
 before we could understand 

So as long as I'm living 
under His plan

 It's safe to say
Tomorrow we will meet again. 

Our sacred bond
A gift from a friend

I am grateful
And I will give all I can

 Because through sharing 
Our hearts will mend

To all the universe
Peace I will send

For with you I learn
A love that has no end
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Knees moist, they sink into the earth.
Eyes embracing an endless river
In front of me

Hands trembling, gratefully
Heart full of love
I reach towards the water flowing
With the body of a god.

Pure Endless Infinity condensed
Into molecules of  some divine nature
Forming,
generating,
creating
This river.
Fiume.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
The curtain slowly opens
an audience of one.

Exposing my emptiness
a stage as big as the sun.

Through an ocean of pain
hope floats above.

Amongst the falling rain
slowly filling it with love.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I see your glassy stare
Your watching my arm hairs
Standing on their heads.

Your lips curve into a smile
Your eyes light up with amusement
But, quickly, it subsides…

Nothing can change
if you refuse to choose.
You can expect to win the game
Without making a move.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I must first bury my knees in the sand
and pray in a state of gratefulness.

For this gift bestowed upon me,
has brought me so much happiness

Please god know that I am humbled,
feel my heart and see!

I am your grateful servent,
through you I will heal humanity.

For your love and light flows through me,
and this I will share

So that the rest of mankind can live in heaven,
without going anywhere.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I'm a criminal
Of the heart

I took advantage
From the start

I cast my spell
I had you caught

I left you stranded
In thought

Victim of my volatile heart
Your forgiveness I seek
Until I can heal myself
Insanity is my plea.

I put myself on trial
I give myself over

For the crimes
of yesterdays denial
haunt me today

so selfishly
Guilty is my plea
To insanity

Blind I had become
To the pain of the fatherless son.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I am here.
I am  me.
I am I.
I am the I of the eye
I am the eyes of the I.
The ultimate viewer of all.

This is the core.
No fooling.
I lay my hand upon the sand,
imprinting my Self
in an oath to embark on my Divine Life Path.

I am fully present.
I accept this.

My guardians are with me,
watching over.

I am strong.
I will fight.

Try to penetrate my armor!
I am ready to prevail.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
In the deepest realms of my heart
Lives sadness.

An uncontrollable sadness
Created by failed triumphs
And demons of the mind.

Kindled in the center of my heart
Is a soft despair.

Inviting my soul
To entrapment by bloodfilled tears.

In the pit of my stomach
It lives.

Haunghnting me
Since I can remember.

The demons found there way
To this world
Through my thoughts
And my mind.

Staining the center black.

Yet this is my triumph.
Overcoming despair.

When I am sad
I am in the deepest sorrow I can imagine.

But I am not scared.

They have found there home
I cannot stop them now.

But in the depths of my soul,
I will overcome.  
..........................

There are parts of my soul
That are stained black.
For the demons have stricken
But I'm taking it back

There are depths of my soul
That had never seen the light
There are pieces of my heart
That turned away in fright

There was a sadness
Living in the deepest pit of my soul
Feeding of the demons that kept me in that hole

They thought they found a home
In the dark parts of my soul
But I wanted them to know
I was in control

I wont let despair become apart of me
I am not defined by what I cannot control

I wont let fear run my psyche
I am the light, in the black hole
I am the light, in the black hole.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Reflection of the earth and sky.
The horizon grasps the sweet soil covered in light.

I see the earth; I am the sky.
The lovely meadows sway, they mimic the clouds.

Or is the other way around?

I see the sky
I am the earth.

The sun holds its place in the sky like Spirit holds its place in my smile.
The sun holds its place in the sky like my soul holds its place for my physical body.

I am the sky; I am the earth.
I am one.

Let the flowers bloom,
Pure loves intention
Waits to lay its eyes upon you.

I am the one with pure loves intention, waiting to lay my eyes on you.

Existing as Beauty and Truth
Existing for you.

Not to take, but to enjoy.
Abundance is yours.

Take it like a flower from my hand.
I have picked it just for you.

Sharing the One
Kind and aware.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
The key is in the conversation
Its the quality, not the duration
All I know is our generation
better shape up or we’ll reach damnation

I think that as a nation
we should rise to the occasion.

Doesn’t it mean something to you?
That even with all the pain
Kindness still blooms?

Well take a breathe,
that’s a start, open up your passionate heart

It doesn't matter if you’ve got money or not,
what were missing got nothing to do with reaching the top.

But it has to do with whats above,
it has to do with sharing love,
it has to do with unity,
it has to do with you and me.

it has to do with a real connection,
no artificial false perceptions,
it has to do with a real connection
no artificial false perceptions.

Well what you may not realize,
is that they’ve clouded your true eyes
With the images on tv
Of what false personalities you should be.

But you don’t have to let them control you

Their dream is not mine.

Cause I have a vision
where hate is answered with love

I dream where a new generation
will finally stand up

And say "we are here
It’s a new day!"

It is simple,
we just got to lead the way.

Its clear,
my dream is pure
Its simple,
my dream is not that of war.

and its clear,
cause all these deaths are shaking me to the core
and its clear,
cause all these deaths are shaking me to the core

All I want is the understand you
I do not desire to command you

All I want it a real connection
Not some ego infection.

Breathe in love, raise your vibration.
Breathe in love, raise your vibration.
I'm telling you peace is on its way.
……………………………………………………..
This is also random parts of an improved song i did.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I am deep.
I am discovering different layers of myself.
I am exploring levels I did not know existed.

Madness.
Mellow madness.

Is the sun rising, or setting?
Perhaps both?

If I stare to long I might fall into another world.

With another sun.

Another clock.

Another space.

First I must cross through darkness and never look back.

I am not sure if this is inviting,
but I cant look away.

I believe I must change my state of consciousness
or I might explode.

So calm.
Yet Livid.

I draw without intent.

I discover new parts of the I.
The eye.

Holding the key to a place beyond my reality,
into my imagination,
and through the gates into an octave unknown.

Am I alone?

Perhaps its just me and the sunrise.
Perhaps there is just the sunset.

Always rising.
Always setting.

Serene and psychotic.
Peace and chaos.

Existing as one.

In a ball of black smoke.

...I need a place to breathe.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
If you try to get out of there control,
You will only dig a deeper hole.

Simply live, do not worry.
Especially, do not hurt.

Savor every moment.

Every drop of every moment, is overflowing with
beauty,
wisdom,
truth,
and love
for you to experience.

You are free when you are no longer fighting,
but just simply being.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
If I should loose myself
Let me loose myself in You.

Let me fall into your embrace
Clouds of light so impossibly soft and pure

Lost in the infinite love that you are.

Let me loose myself in you
So I can know true compassion

So I shall never underestimate your wisdom
So I could never stray from your path

Even if the devil himself sparked the desire.

Let me conquer the Joy that is You
Your natural state is joy!

I find joy through you

For you let me In
And now I can't find a way out

And I don't want to.

I want to be lost in the mind of god
I want to be lost in the spirit of god
I want to be lost in the soul of god
Of the heart of god
Of the bones of god
in the hands, feet and nose of god
The eyes of god
To be the eyes of god
not just see through the eyes of god
But to BE the eyes for god.
so then I could rightfully be the mind of god
The spirit of god
The soul of god

Gods higher self.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
My heart is in love with you!
It smiles so big when it senses you here!
My heart is like a puppy waiting at the door when you come home,
anxious excitement met by satisfying joy just by your very presence!

You are the light,
the blood of the Divine.
Sharing all of your infinite Self,
pouring pure love into and through my heart!

Through my very being!
You are so sneaky, the way you tickle the One in me!
Light, you are like a child and I am your playground!
And tomorrow, we will switch, and it will be my turn to explore.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
He was a writer
A man in his prime
Life was much simpler
It was a different time

He was a writer
Ideas flew on the page
Life was much simpler
In a youthful age

What do you do?
When you raised a family
And now they have to raise you

When your mind is lost
How do you live when you
Cant comprehend the cost

South Carolina
Raisin his kin
To take care of themselves
But now they gotta take care of him

When free will is taken
without sayin please
And praying to god
Will only get you to your knees

What do you do?
When you raised a family
And now they have to raise you

When your mind is lost
How do you live when you
Cant comprehend the cost

How do you please a world you don’t understand?
How do you receive, receive that helping hand?

At least if things don’t go as planned
Its good to know,
Your family will understand
At least when things don’t go as planned
Its good to know,
Your family will understand

Your family will understand
They’re here with a helping hand
They’re here with a helping hand
A song a wrote about my dad's girlfriend's father who was diagnosed with Alzheimer and bi polar disorder in his 80s.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I never knew this quest was my
final test.
.
My eyes burn, but i can see
through all these cloudy
                                       skys
                                            that
                                              scream
                                                   misery.

I locked my brain inside
and threw away the key
into a river
               bend
                    that
                        was an
                           ocean deep.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Pardon me
For being on my knees
Its seems the rest of me
Has gone numb

My eyes deceive me
I cant believe
I let myself
get here again

I lost a friend.

Well I’ve crossed this river many times
I’ve crossed this river many times
But I swear it’s getting deeper each time
Yeah I swear it’s getting deeper each time

And I only can only keep drowning
I can only keep drowning
I can only keep drowning
for so long


I’ve walked up
a mountain of shame
I reached the top
With nothing to gain

Come September
I felt the change
Like I'm going insane
Like I'm going insane

And I’ve climbed this mountain  many times
ive climbed this mountain many times
And I swear its getting steeper each time
swear its getting steeper each time

And I only can only keep falling
I can only keep falling
I can only keep falling
for so long

But I’ll get up soon
everything’s okay
Just a little scrape
Just a little scrape

I may be bleeding
I may be bruised
My heart may be broken
But I got nothing left to loose

Well ive heard those words many times
Yeah ive heard these words many times
And I swear there getting cheaper each time
Yeah I swear there getting cheaper each time


Never again be my friend again
Be my friend again
Be my friend again
Also a song.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I am forever grateful
For God shares his heart with me

And I will share it with the world
Through His love, I will give them new eyes to see

 Free from fear, free from pain 
I will **** the venom out of their veins

With the grace of god
I will heal this place 

With gods grace
all the troubles of this world I will face

And never will I feel misplaced
never will I loose my faith

As I walk this path of grace.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I have taken myself to far.
I have given myself over to
something to strong.

This frenzy
lifts me to my
fate.

Guides me to my
doom.

Into you.
Is where i will fall

Your hogging
the equilibrium

I see you
dying
to come out
and ruin me.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
If you believe your life is dull
Dull it will become

If all you see is hate
Then fear will overcome

Love is all you need
From the infinite hand that feeds

From love stems all creation
All creation is love.

Bursting forth from the heart of god
light, dense and pure

The source of it all
The source is it all
All is one.

Open your eyes
We don’t have to live in the world our past has created for us

In your daydreams terror tricks you into sorrow
When tomorrow comes, you’ve already failed

Drowning, drowning in the sea black dust
No hope can be found anywhere

Reach higher
Reach higher, past the sky, past the stars above

Reach higher
See Every moment full of love

Reach higher
Into love

There is a mind we cannot comprehend
But I know I am safe in his hands

For when my expiration comes
Only then will I comprehend what I’ve done.

For when my time as come
My spirit will melt with the One.

My soul will mend,
and melt into One.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Still,  

I cant understand some people that I see
with nothing except pain in their hearts and sorrow in their eyes.
Lifetimes of sorrow.
decades of not getting it right.
not receiving,
not giving,
not living up to your cultural societal reputation.

Taking, taking, taking-

leading to exhaustion.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I shiver
You smile.
Life flashes through the sky.

Nothing changes
Choices made.
You cant expect to win the game.

The breeze whispers in my ear
The constant beckoning of truth.

And although, I listen
I cannot hear.

But I feel its warmth
And I hear its prayer.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Eye level with the tree
Silently, they stare at me
The sincere green leaves
Blowing to say hello

Silence
Growing tenderly

Louder
Silence

Growing intently

Softer and softer
In the night.
Silence
Grows intently.

Tenderly
Softly

Echoes
Through the night

Reflecting its purity
Off the moonlight

Reflecting it
into your eyes
Tonight.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I can not say anything simple
About the way I feel inside.

I can not say that I have no regrets
But I can say they were worth my time.

and sometimes I can't stand at all
but somehow I never fall.

sometimes I can't stand at all
but somehow I never fall.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Singer of many faces
trapped and scared,
you say "no"

Let it out
they are watching.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I think its time
to say good night
I think you've changed
the way the road is paved

you smashed
your head
your foot
your fist

down my throat
through a bottomless pit

arranged a home
a hell
a seed.

In the depths of my heart you made my soul bleed.
In the depths of my heart you made my soul bleed.

Out of touch
out of time
out of reasons
out of rhymes

every since you've been gone.

Into my head
into the sea
hoping to find you
but instead

I found me.

And I wish that someone would have told me
what happened to counting to three?
I wish that someone would have told me.
That one day you would leave

and my heart would follow.

You lifted me up
When I was down
You’d find a way
To spin me round

Any time of day..

What can I say
What can I do
All I know
Is I love you

anyway....

And I wish that someone would have told me
what happened to counting to three?
I wish that someone would have told me.
That one day you would leave
and my heart would follow...

Seems I'm lost
Seems I'm found
Seems my hearts
Coming around…

At least for now…

I think its time
to say goodnight my friend
they'll be a time
to say hello again...
Also a song
Allison Toby Jan 2012
and now that you've broken my heart
endless tears run down my face

and now that you've killed my soul
I am ******* till the end of time.

and now that you've tortured my mind
I can not take the pain.

and now as I cut my flesh
my life is filled with sorrow.

and now as tears run down my face
I just can't see tomorrow.

and now as this knife slits my wrist
the blood drips to the floor.

and now as everything goes black
I shall be no more.
Sorry, kinda depressing...but I always really like this one. (2002).
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I want to be the student,
the pupil.

But the student
must have a teacher
a guide
a muse.

while I am
the seeker
the child
the passionate lover of existence.

Teach me to
Live up to my potential
to be my higher self

my mind laughing
my body learning
my soul seeking
my spirit soaking
up life.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
It damages your mind
it takes up all your extra time.
How would you live without it?
If you couldn't I wouldn't doubt it.

Staring at a screen
until your conscience screams.
It started with one look
and now your hook.

Why don't you change your nook?
and go read a book?
your a pawn not a rook
for some corporate crook.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I hear the truth in the wind.
I feel strength in the raindrops
I see worlds within a stem of grass
An owl coos a symphony to me.

I listen
And I hear
With my entire being
I hear
I listen
With my entire being

All of me.
In love.
With love.
With life.
With love.

Life.
The manifestation of love.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
We believe
There are no coincidences.
Everything you experience
Has a higher purpose.
We are here to reach out to our higher selves
In a state of unconditional compassion
We recognize
We are all
Here to spread happiness.
We believe.
Happiness is contagious.
We believe.
In the power of laughter.
And the power
Of the smile
We believe
And we expect
Miracles.
We are here
To raise consciousness
We are here
To raise awareness
Of infinite love
And the power
Of the positive dream.

This is a pathless path.
The tools provided
Don’t lead to a goal
In the future
But to create a better
Present
For all,

We are opening the door
To love
For out children.
To live in love
In the years to come.

Opening minds
Healing hearts
Connecting souls
Reuniting spirit

In times of struggle
In a world of distractions
Transform

We are not
We are not here
To tell you what to think
Feel or do

We are here
To be a reminder
Of free will

We are not here to judge
We are not here to tell you
What is truth
But it look inside
And find it for yourself

We are here to help
Guide you
By being a reflection
Of the highest love
Of all.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
The moon lit the sky that night
its fury set the stars aflame
no gust of wind had the strength to tame
the power of the light.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
The truth is inside us all
In fact, the universe is in the small

And you control nothing
You are a slave to the unknown.
Its your sense of freedom that keeps you in this dome.
Every action,
Every step
Satisfaction is met
Driving you closer and closer to death.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
They destroy. I hurt. They ******. I watch. They stab. I cry. They ignite. I set a flame. They flaunt. I fall. They run. I pace. They watch. as I cry. They stop. I go. They want. I accept. They deny. I ignore. They fail. I fail. I hurt. They breathe. I bleed. Im dying. They shun. I plead. They laugh. I die. They sleep. I weep. They yell. I lie. They lie. I cut. They discipline. I wait. They answer. I question.  I scream. They deny. I wonder. They stop to complain.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
What does the moon do on a cloudy night?

I can not see
The shining crescent.

Nor can I feel its presence
Reign the sky.

Above is gray
No light moon rays

Peering through.
To tell its secrets.

What does the moon do on a cloudy night?

What is to say of existence?
Allison Toby Jan 2012
One fateful morning
With the sun I rose
As I inhaled my first breath
A part of me awoke.

I could feel my eyes laughing
The light around me spoke
What if one fateful morning
Unexpected you awoke...

To find each moment blossoming
Underneath your nose.

Every time the sun rises
A new heaven grows.

And with its will
I shall defeat woes.

And with its strength
I shall befriend my foes.

And with its smile
My spirit will remember what it knows.

And I said “god whats this miracle?”
and I said “god whats this miracle”
and I said god whats this miracle for?

I was walking through a garden when I came to a rose
As I knelt down beside it

A lone raindrop flowed
From the kingdom of the petal to the earth below

As it met the its fate,
to me it spoke
....

I was walking down the valley
when I came to the sea

And then to my surprise
It parted for me

Is this the path that will finally set me free?
Has God heard my prayers?

Is this his gift to me?

Even if I choose,
this path I should follow

What if I'm half way through it
and I get swallowed?

What is gods hand
runs out of steam?

What if he decided,
I'm not worthy?
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Endless conversation
leads to an open door
revealing the horizon.

Endless. Into infinity
words fly, float, flutter, swoop
they fly!

Making love to molecular particles
beyond my ability to see
till they get caught in me ear.
and make love to me.

Words. Processed and pondered
ideas flow outwards from my lips
and get caught on the web that is your brain.

Captured now, and forever
stowed away in another plane
invisible it will sleep.

Soon it will awaken
morph
and embody a new reality.

Tangible.
As it stays on my mind, off the tongue, out of my mouth, into your ear, on its way
into your brain and out your mouth and on its way again into my ear...

Endless sharing of souls
Endless, and on through eternity.
It has reached the horizon.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
Breaking down on the inside
Running start before the leap

To go back where we started
As strangers, again we meet 

We once again walk down that same moon lit street.
I pretend I don't feel anything
 
what I should feel is asleep. 

If you wanna know the truth
You are more than my bestfriend

Because this feeling deep inside 
It doesn't ever seem to end.

It doesn't wander
 doesn't  waver
doesn't dry out
doesn't bend

 I know I will die with this connection
I hope by then your heart I will mend.

I thought maybe not in this life
 but maybe in the next 

We could be lovers, Reunited
On the street where we first met

But I guess it couldn't wait that long 
I hardly can protest 

Cause what I learn from you is always worth the mess.
Allison Toby Jan 2012
The sun rises without fail
This I know, my senses show

Above my head it sails
As it glows, the wind blows

I see you rise, without fail
My senses show, this I know

You wake and put on your disguise
As you rose, the tide grows

There is no prize, at the end of their rainbow
It sure aint lined with no gold

Even your lies are not your own
Even your truth is not your own

— The End —