A bright, shining city
Upon which I gaze every night
From my dark, lonely, far-    
     away--
but warm and safe--abode.

Sometimes I dream of a life
      there,
Even a short one,
But I haven't left my home
In so long.

The travel to the city alone
Could forever leave me
      ******--
No true home to be found
     there,
If I even complete the journey.

If I go, my future home--
      maybe--
And my true abode--surely--
Will wilter, and die.
------------------------------------

My head is full of helium,
Drifting, accidentally into an infinite abyss.

Annoying voices (my own?)
And a sharp shortage of that vital air.

Only,

You (and that strong body)
Hold onto me, and not just
By the foot.

You hold me, smiling,
Arms wrapped 'round,
And sustain me in mid-air.

So, thank you.

You smile.
You laugh.
You care.
You, just--
You.

The stone is getting hot.
My chest can't hold it anymore.
I throw it at you.
Hit.

Just take it!
I can't take the unusually transforming, beating heart
Inside my chest.

But you don't even know what this is--
This mutilated, ugly stone--
"Is it a rock?
What do you want me to do with this?"
You smile.

It's supposed to be a gift,
But you can't even tell what it is.
You laugh.

All I feel is the void where it once was,
And the *******--thing--at your feet
Just whines, whimpers, hardens again,
Slowly.

-------------------------------------------------­--
Cold. Memories. Pain.
---------------------------------------------------

I walk.
I kneel at your feet.
I pick up that beloved--thing--
And place it in my cold,
Cold chest of memories.

"You're home now. You're safe."

I stand up.
I turn around.
I walk.

It is 20 now.
I could tell you a story
About each one.

But, the numbers,
They're really all the same,
Because each number is divisible
By One.

At once,
And always,
It all comes back--
In more pieces each time--

2

1.

The sun on my pale, wintered face
The cool breeze on my hot, flushed skin
My heart was a familiar home
Until I let you, Love, in.

The coffee running through my veins
The alarm clock dissolving my slumber
Your warmth removes doubts and pain
And raises the roof of wonder

The sun's bright reflection stunning my eyes
The photographer's wishes held in my heart
Our Love knows no goodbye
And from you, pieces of me will never part

Dear Love, if you stay here with me,
under your blanket of warmth I will lie in tired defeat.