Enough ******* Diary entries about you being an air person and use it

Write the poems

There's something I love about things that don't think so hard about existence
They just go because somewhere in them they know that hearts have been pumping and cells have been dividing and scattering around to heal whatever hurts and nuerotransmitters have been connecting your brain and your body for thousands and thousands of years
& all these things know a lot more than us
They keep doing their thing and they know you and you are happy for you.

My bed is beautiful and kind
Most things are kind
They want to be kind

The trees don't chose specifics to whom they give their oxygen

The trees are kind and I love them

I understand how at a time people would pray to these trees

That might not have been the worst of times

I wonder if I would have been one of them

I wish to be taken to the time in which my human mind and soul would be less confused

Where the dimensions match up

Because I love everything here and I just don't know how to know that all the time

I'm so tried
I wouldn't be so tired if my body lost it's shape & I became apart of something not so solid
Not so definite

Where I don't have a mouth to trip over the chopped up reasons why

I dedicated my session to you today. I thought maybe this was a safe space for me to think about you w/o potentially risking psychological damage.
I thought about your big warm kisses hitting my lips and how I'd feel the sun create a blanket around me when I slouched into your arms and how you face might touch my face w yours as it curves over just to make me feel the slightest bit more apart of you. With your body you told me I was the best thing that ever happened to you. There was so much white light. In my head you told me to sleep. You would be there in the morning and all through the night. Our bodies would would feel light, almost like there is nothing in them. Almost like we don't exist
The next day you carried me out to the kitchen and sat me down on the counter and let me pick out whatever cereal I wanted, which I don't usually eat cereal but this is where it took me.
And I wanted you to see this.
I tried to get my insides to show you so I got them as close as I could to you w only the neurons in my brain and I asked you to "feel me" and I kept saying that over and over and over again. And maybe you did. Maybe for a split second it got there. I couldn't help but think of the time when I answered the phone to your distraught voice and later you told me that you asked me to wake up w your focus.

She said the number 217 came up in her head
I knew you always liked the number 17.

Let no one dull your light

Today I was the most whimsical yet elegant harp of a lady and he was a warm ocean tide crashing in on anything solid 

And we played together whilst I sang choppy bits of the best opera I knew right there on his chest

I am a real person living a real life and stop cheating yourself out of feeling human feelings and stop manipulating yourself to be the alien you think you are
One who isn't the same
But I'm just as human as the rest and the things I feel matter and I can be whatever I desire to be

I am not invalid

I don't owe you my entire self and I don't like how you think my affection is invalid bc of that

You remind me of the ring of water that forms around a lily pad
Just when the water is still
and free of turbulence
& Melodies that go up
and down but
mostly up
Glaring 7:00 sun that fills your eyes and heart and toes and I see you smiling and I'm **** out of luck by now

I plan to live the course of my life giving myself to the earth
Investing myself in the pounding of blood
In clenching or contracting of muscles
I will have soft mothering hands and sharp teeth and I will love hard and well
And that's how I'll do it
That's how the earth will have me
And that's how I'll have everything

I am pinning my words to the soft  earth
The soft touchable, feelable earth
they deserve that after all this time of wandering
The skulls of the thoughts I think and the words I say are fractured and their spirits go askew
But they are coming, they are here
and they are stepping on the soil in fits of clumsy courage  
They have not felt the ground
They are used to being swept away, & being carried in thin air by false promises that were pretty sometimes

But this is prettier
And someday they will run

Yet you still belong to yourself

I have a flair for the strength living in words that are screamed
I have an obsession for the decibels of the lion
And when the strings that bind the pressure in your throat are cut

But sometimes you'll sit there in the corner and you don't say a thing
You say nothing
and
honey you are the lion

Your mouth is a glass of apples

We are siblings in a funny way
But siblings none-the-less
I do not know you
I do not know if I'll ever know you
But your soul exists somewhere and I will not do you the disservice of ignoring that
I wonder if we would have been friends
There is no way to know because the only way we could be connected by blood is if one of us didn't exist here
in the usual way existence is seen

It's just paved a different way I suppose
And I have to say I never realized this was an option
This particular method of existing with somebody
We always have had eachother
That makes me happy  
                              Love, love, love,
                                   Allison

I wasn't nervous
My cells were very calm
Very safe
Warm
And they loved me right then
& I wondered

The sultry of the sun at 7:00 pm
Turns my hair into a veil and my heart into the untouched lining of the pond
Not quite yet overflown

She looked dead into her core and by the string attached to it she gorged her raw organs through the things that gripped human to passion and the pressure of the friction moved more than mountains.

I love the sound of Spanish. The sound is embroidered silk.
The language of dark curls and dancing hips
Such a poise& finesse
Lathered in a rich, rhythmic butter but the words are quick & vibrant enough to snap out of it and flirt it's way into a perfectly sculpted sentence that holds itself with strength and beauty

Orange& blue
eyes that squint and legs that wrap& cling and move,
long blinks of black
Harbored in the posture of a Greek statue & the poise of a Victorian castle.
hearts that bleed in your mouth and all over the floor.

You were a real person. With real skin and bones and bruises on your knees.
There was a surface but there were layers behind the surface. One was the beauty you look at and another could be the beauty you look at for a long time. Two different layers. One could be the way you gave up your bread and another could be the when you thought an immaculate thought and no one knew and there was no way for them to know.

There is so much we don’t know about the history of humans. There are entire empires, civilizations and dynasties or even little events like a certain breath you take in that makes your heart overflow( which is magic to me) that are completely lost. Never to be heard of or known by other human in any other time. (But that doesn’t make it any less real.) maybe some of the most unfathomably incredible to the most unfathomably tragic things to happen in the history of this earth nobody will never know. And there is something so overwhelming about that. There is so much beauty in the unknown and unsaid.

Relationships with people are the most sacred and unfathomably gorgeous things that this maybe limitless world can possess. It's so astonishing how some people just work with each other. Sometimes in such weird, strange ways it's so incredible. I love that. And people showing their hearts to people because that person is that person and there is such an element of trust and love. ANOTHER THING I LOVE IS HOW PEOPLE CAN MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH! Oh my golly I could go on forever its one of my favorite things. Some people have such fantastic humor languages with each other or in general. And it's because it's them that it's so funny and it's so hard to explain. I love how people can make people laugh in such a number of ways it's so beautiful and I know I keep using that word but it is. There's no better word to describe it. And there is vulnerability and tenderness towards each other which can really make me melt into a puddle. I have found that strength and tenderness to go really hand in hand. I love how humans touch each other. In any way because I am talking about all humans bonds which I couldn't tell you the number of ways humans can do that or how it works. But I love how people hold hands or tackle each other or hug or kiss or feel or punch or hold ect.. I love it, I love it, I love it. Just how some people click and how it works even if it's messed up or if it's not. It's magic, okay, pure magic and some relationships are painfully just surface but when it's a real bonding (between human or I suppose anything else in that matter) in which-ever infinite way, it is so beautiful past the point to even do it justice with description. I love seeing people with each other, I do. (Same applies in movies and books) All of it, I love it, I do.

Who am I to say what created this earth? Who I am to say anyone is right or anyone is wrong because there is an infinite amount of knowledge that I do not know. I also have no idea what knowledge is or if it even exists on a universal standpoint but whether there is a creator or whether the infinite amount of atoms and molecules that are infinitely great found there ways together or whether it is a combination or if I'm completely off, still ****** kudos to you.

Everything that was vulnerably human crashed into his chest as that beautiful song played

Is studying the universe from a human perspective really studying the universe or studying ourselves

I love legs and arms and feet and thier shape and they way they move. It's art. I love scrapes and bruises on knees and they way fingers mold like clay in jagged, graceful ways around a pen when they write. I am in love with eyes and the way eyelashes move with your eyelids when they close and open. When feet and toes nestle in the grass and the way hips look when people dance. I love watching people dance. I love the curve of shoulders and I think collarbones are sculptures. I really am in love with eyes and scrapes on knees. The structure of a jawline and the curls, body and tangles in hair.

He said "i knew because the silent parts of me were blatantly audible to you"

Humans have a great misconception that the earth was solely created for them

Surface bodies

"You are okay"
Grab
"Put it down"
Hold
"You are fine"
"It's fine"
Tighter

I can tell that whoevers gonna love you is gonna love you a lot.

It's okay.
You are strong.
Okay? Strong.
Don't dwell on it.
It's okay I love you.

I have never in my life belonged to anything

Giving yourself to someone and loving someone to the fullest extend of the word is the most beautiful thing that could be
You are your own complex human soul that relies on itself and chooses to love and give yourself to other human souls that need
That heart is a strong heart
And maybe there is no rationality behind it
But it is absolutely breathtaking  
It's strongest power, to love.

Potential

Tears filled up my eyes
You asked for nothing more
I saw you find such beauty
in the hinges on the door

YOU DONT
YOU DONT LOVE ME
NOT ONE PERSON IS EASY TO TALK TO
HELP HELP PLEASE
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I AM BY MYSELF
THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT BEING BY MYSELF SO MUCH
AND EVEN WITH PEOPLE I AM BY MYSELF
ALONE WITH PEOPLE
SO MUCH
I AMNOT WEAK I AM NOT TRYING TO BE
I WANT TO BE STEONG
I NEED HELP BEING STRONG MAYBE
SOMETIMES FOR AWHILE

I love the world, I truly do

I love people that will just say "ok, sure"
The people that just whip off their clothes
And let you have sips of their drinks
And do things that seem irrational
Do things just because
And not everything is so "weird"
They are okay with ******
Or sleeping in a bed with you with no pants on  
Or talking to strangers in public and asking them questions
I think that's all so beautiful

My ***** hands are shaking
Trying to hand myself to the humans that broke

In the bathtub on a quiet summer evening, she sat there and he walked in
His heart lit up seeing her
They both said their hellos and some smart *** remarks
She smiled
"Come in with me"
She watched
"You are beautiful"
He sat with her back pressed up against him
Cradling her with his body like a new born baby
Their skin was art together
They laughed and talked with the window opened
They way some couples talk at the kitchen table, and then some
But the window only led to nature
Letting in summer air and the light of the tired sun
"Hey I love you"

I just want to be loved right now
Please

I don't know if I have the luxury of crying tears
Maybe that's why they're not there
I'm just here feelings stuck between my inside and my outside and I want to scream
Oh I want to scream
I want someone to know me
I want someone who's words feel like they haven't said them to 25 different people
When my words don't filter through their heads into a language they don't understand

In that one word she screamed for twenty minutes

In the deepest shade of maroon
The guitar was strumming and smoke was in the still air
The kind of air that only belonged to magnificent summer nights
Everyone was laughing
Passing around a bottle of red wine
Everyone mouths and hearts belonged to everyone
I think you should know that I believe in magic
Long blonde hair was messy in tangles
My Stomach was home to the beautiful knots
Flourished

I love you, I love all of you. But I don't need you, I don't.

I carry myself with my own arms
And walk with my own legs
At almost all times
Today they spoke of someone "coming to get you"
And I don't need someone to come and get me
But I cried