It brightens my days to feel at peace
Safety occupying my heart and my mind
Knowing that my soul is kind

Remember: past has passed and here I am
18 years old, still holding a pen
mistakes are made but I've learned from them

A vicious cycle, attracting worry with worries
Pushing myself to be consumed with joy
falling asleep, smiling softly
I know who I am

Anxiety begins quick
proceeding faster,
taking control
nervous system
heartbeat, faster

Stomach-
ache
consistent and slowww
it's an irritation
murphy's law,
things we pray to end, last forever
memories of bliss,
end before you know

Fear lives on
longer
remembering pain
easier,
as far back as day one-
day two, day three
forgotten

Describing poor feelings,
simpler

Inspiration seeks,
emotions
like these

It feels impossible to succeed
In this world that just doesn't seem
to understand me

With all this hate just flowing,
It's seeping into the sea!
Surrounded by modern distractions
How can we ever just be,
I'm a slave to beauty
Constantly disappointing the standard,
See, they've played with my mind

Drowning in a sea of marketing teams,
Advertising french fries
In the same line
as a body made to please

So many times that I've been disappointed
I'm not alone, I know
but these circumstances drown me
in the feeling
I wish, and hope for things
I cry and plead with your logical self
Please listen!
but you never do
I try to care about your life, and I
just want you to care
someday I hope you can
for his sake
for your sake
for mine
I just want better for us,
how did I become the enemy
Please! could you explain it to me?
I'm worried
I'm afraid
I'm paranoid with good reason

and when finally you seem to acknowledge
the danger
It's never lasted
you just fall back down
without good reason
I'm sad
I'm scared
I'm disappointed

So the woman with worry will drink more,
she is young like you-
watch as I spill colour into her face
by kissing her mouth gently,
I swallow her worries

We'll embrace because desire persists,
we're foolish women
who keep trying to thread marble with a needle-
moving in slow long rhythms
we keep trying,
to perfect our dance of yesterday and the day before
and each time the rhythm seems to improve
becoming a whole new spiral of music
with notes that we've never heard before
consistently longing more

again and again I see, we've been sewing stone

It only takes words to form a sentence
It requires only thought to disect it
the importance of a theory sometimes staggers
because lazy people like me, are too down to test it
How many ways can we avoid waking up
until we can't open our eyes for anything
how many times will i dream a dream that discourages me
until I've figured out how to disregard it

tracing my spine with wine
I can imagine a perfect line, inside

opening my throat, a red river rushes
through my drunken esophagus,
parellel to the column of vertebrae
keeping these tight shoulders of mine
off the sticky floor
I sigh in response to,
this floor,
offering me a minute of rest
I wont succumb
to the sweet hum, of apathy
rejecting the proposal to waste more time
with effort I stand tall
preserving the upward position of my skull

emotions I didn't mean to see,
surfacing now

a hot mess, with flushed cheeks
I've become

my spine at times feels weak
a false strength calls out
offering a sense of cheap stability

This time, I refuse

It was you, hidden beneath the ****,
and it was me searching
in every wrong place for too long
I believed that feelings like these would have been,
just impossible to find and to share with another, seemed
like a beautiful story of my dreams, no reality to find
A rarity like a snowflake in a sandbox, in the beginning of July
four days in, I can feel that look in your eyes
the same gorgeous gaze that hooked me
that one evening we ate dinner
for the very first time


And who am I, just a girl
who has stumbled into the perfect man
with perfect quirks and
a passion that  could light up the world
and a kindness that I could return forever
my love is above what we see and
you, are your own individual universe
and that energy inspires me
to be me
my own universe too
so comfortably entangled with you

It's all the parts of you right now
I imagine melting into me
the texture of your fingertips,
unique to you-
touching me
my fingers, my palms, my wrists

your breath, cool and relaxed in my ear
I sink deeper, into the rhythm
the heat radiating through your chest, pulls me in, closer
warming through my shivering, shoulder blades
I feel perfect, here, I feel safe

the sweet electricity of your lips, I seem to crave
and just now, thinking, about how sometimes
my skin feels so magnetic to you, and your embrace
like our shadows i see us as one, indescribable shape  
our curves and grooves fitting
seamless in our darkened reflection

Dripping down my forehead
are one thousand beads of sweat
collecting on my lips, I can taste what I forget
so one thousand memories from 3 summer’s before
have settled on last winter’s tongue
taste buds scream, from shock you see
Golden, shining ball of fire, look at what you’ve done

Last night I fell
onto a theory
Into a memory
that has never existed,
playing perfectly

The tricks I've come to notice here are
soundless, to the sound sleepers around

Relax kids, lets  hush our tone
you’ve only fallen into a machine
of dreams,
the perfect chance to be alone

If I took a right past the stop sign
I'd wonder  'should I have went left? '
with two paths I could go
I consider strolling the one mr frost chose
a few Roberts i've known, but none
quite
the same..

Abandoning all paths
I think I'll take my chance with a tree,
I could be the girl who
climbed further than her eyes could ever see

If I pour myself a cup of you
then maybe -for a second- I could be a little silly to
I pray to satisfy my hunger
my crazy little craving for..
a tall refreshing glass of new

You can never find me
I hide inside me
somewhere secret,
and no one will ever
know