It brightens my days to feel at peace
Safety occupying my heart and my mind
Knowing that my soul is kind

Remember: past has passed and here I am
18 years old, still holding a pen
mistakes are made but I've learned from them

A vicious cycle, attracting worry with worries
Pushing myself to be consumed with joy
falling asleep, smiling softly
I know who I am

It only takes words to form a sentence
It requires only thought to disect it
the importance of a theory sometimes staggers
because lazy people like me, are too down to test it
How many ways can we avoid waking up
until we can't open our eyes for anything
how many times will i dream a dream that discourages me
until I've figured out how to disregard it

Last night I fell
onto a theory
Into a memory
that has never existed,
playing perfectly

The tricks I've come to notice here are
soundless, to the sound sleepers around

Relax kids, lets  hush our tone
you’ve only fallen into a machine
of dreams,
the perfect chance to be alone

So the woman with worry will drink more,
she is young like you-
watch as I spill colour into her face
by kissing her mouth gently,
I swallow her worries

We'll embrace because desire persists,
we're foolish women
who keep trying to thread marble with a needle-
moving in slow long rhythms
we keep trying,
to perfect our dance of yesterday and the day before
and each time the rhythm seems to improve
becoming a whole new spiral of music
with notes that we've never heard before
consistently longing more

again and again I see, we've been sewing stone

It's all the parts of you right now
I imagine melting into me
the texture of your fingertips,
unique to you-
touching me
my fingers, my palms, my wrists

your breath, cool and relaxed in my ear
I sink deeper, into the rhythm
the heat radiating through your chest, pulls me in, closer
warming through my shivering, shoulder blades
I feel perfect, here, I feel safe

the sweet electricity of your lips, I seem to crave
and just now, thinking, about how sometimes
my skin feels so magnetic to you, and your embrace
like our shadows i see us as one, indescribable shape  
our curves and grooves fitting
seamless in our darkened reflection

Anxiety begins quick
proceeding faster,
taking control
nervous system
heartbeat, faster

Stomach-
ache
consistent and slowww
it's an irritation
murphy's law,
things we pray to end, last forever
memories of bliss,
end before you know

Fear lives on
longer
remembering pain
easier,
as far back as day one-
day two, day three
forgotten

Describing poor feelings,
simpler

Inspiration seeks,
emotions
like these

tracing my spine with wine
I can imagine a perfect line, inside

opening my throat, a red river rushes
through my drunken esophagus,
parellel to the column of vertebrae
keeping these tight shoulders of mine
off the sticky floor
I sigh in response to,
this floor,
offering me a minute of rest
I wont succumb
to the sweet hum, of apathy
rejecting the proposal to waste more time
with effort I stand tall
preserving the upward position of my skull

emotions I didn't mean to see,
surfacing now

a hot mess, with flushed cheeks
I've become

my spine at times feels weak
a false strength calls out
offering a sense of cheap stability

This time, I refuse