after awhile you get sick of sitting in an empty room
with empty thoughts
and empty feelings
you get exhausted from even getting up and going to the fridge
you feel trapped, isolated, like you cant control anything
and that's not the worst because you don't know how to get yourself out of the rut
and no matter how many people tell you to just get up and take a shower,
you cant
they say it'll make you "feel better"
but "*******" you say because they don't know what its like to have this disease eating at your brain,
telling you nothings going to be okay
you have this fantasy of what life's supposed to be like
and sitting in your room by yourself 24 hours of the day is not how its supposed to be
but sometimes you get the energy to walk over to your mirror
and been though you know its a bad idea
you stand there and all you can see looking back at you is
someone you're ashamed to be
someone who you though you'd never be
and when you decide its enough torture for one day
you lay back down in bed
turn on some sad music
and roll over
and decide to sleep
because the dreams that you encounter in your sleep
are much better then anything you've ever experienced awake